RIP

This post is in loving memory of our family pets, Cindy and Charlie

April 21, 2007-April 25, 2007

We'll miss you, and treasure the four days of fun we shared

After a brief memorial service, the pair will be buried at sea

In lieu of flowers, the Southern Fried Family asks that a donation be made to

Mom's beach trip booze fund

I'm a 'Ho

That's right...my new business cards say, "Will blow for beach trip money!" Even with a clientele of one, business is booming! My Baby's Daddy is happy, I'm happy--it's a win/ win situation. Let me just tell you something, girls...if you want to enjoy a little guilt-free spending, just invest about 10 minutes of quality time with your man....Then spend the entire afternoon SHOPPING!!! I bought six new outfits today. I'm just saying....

Something's Fishy...

Everybody put your fins together & give a big welcome to the two newest members of the Southern Fried Family--Charlie and Cindy. We went to the Spring Fling at The President's school today, where he won coupons for two FREE goldfish. Yippee. Oh boy. So, I after a trip to Wal-Mart, where I spent about $40 in fish supplies, we stopped by the pet store to claim our prize. (That's right--even though they gave me the 28 cent goldfish, I didn't buy their over-priced tank and fish food).

The Southern Fried Family doesn't have a great track record with pets...our dog died when I was pregnant with The President. On the day before Thanksgiving. I didn't even know I was pregnant yet. I've got two words for you: hysterical hormones. I cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried...you get the picture. Since the boys came along, we have killed four hermit crabs and a turtle. Didn't shed a tear. Well, I did tear up when we had to have a shoebox burial and funeral service for Tuck, the turtle. The President said a little prayer, asking God to watch out for Tuck, and thanking the turtle for being such a great friend. (We had him less than a month).

So, neither The President or I have great expectations for this little endeavor. We know we could have floaters on our hands at a moment's notice. I even told my son that I would get us a sturdier Beta fish for Plan B when these two go on to the big fishbowl in the sky. Even as the pet shop guy was scooping them out, I was telling The Pres how we would flush them when they die. I've got to teach him to be realistic...and realistically, goldfish don't last very long. Around here, even less.

Then on the ride home, he's talking to them...I wish I had a video camera rolling. He's introducing himself, "Hi, guys! I'm your new owner. You're going to live with us, and you will love it. We bought you a nice tank, and I'll feed you every day. I had a turtle and some hermit crabs, but they're dead...but I promise I won't let you die! I'm going to take such good care of you." The idea of having these fish for pets is starting to grow on me...until the novelty wears off & I'm left to clean the tank.

Getting an Education

This morning, The President & I were the only ones up, so we were enjoying some snuggle time and having quiet conversation. He proceeded to give me a dissertation about the upcoming Spiderman 3 movie. Seriously, you would think the kid had already seen the whole movie 6 times! How did he get all this information from the previews on TV? It's baffling to me how he can know so much about something he's interested in, down to the last detail. Especially since I've been fighting and struggling with him & those darn spelling words all year long. But that's neither here nor there...I was kind of impressed with his vast knowledge (even if it wouldn't get him into an Ivy League school). So I asked, "How do you know all this?!?!

"Mom, I'm a kid. We're wise about superheroes."

Oh, okay.

Going once...

When I picked up The President after school this afternoon, the first thing he asked was, "Where's Fat Baby?" I knew he would be thrilled to arrive home and find Daddy there early--that almost never happens. It may happen more often, since Daddy scored him a hot nooner during nap time. Anyway, back to his question. I simply said, "It's a surprise." The President didn't miss beat before he asked, "Did we sell him on the Internet?!?!"

The kid's a genius!!! Check out my auction on eBay--buy one, get one free!

You're so vain...

In my quest for pre-summer cuteness, and with lots of fun in the sun coming soon...I took a bold new step. After wearing glasses for 13 years, I got my first contacts today!!!! My motivation? Cute, inexpensive sunglasses. My first purchase--this blingy little number:

While I'm on the subject of recent acts of vanity.....here's a shot of The President's new 'do with highlights.

Not to be left out, Fat Baby has been working out....here's a nice profile shot.

Triple Threat

Mamma at Mamma Loves invited me to play along with this Three Things meme. That just makes me all kinds of happy because you know I can't resist the opportunity to publish more fascinating, worthless crap about myself.

Three Things That Scare Me: swimsuit shopping, the supernatural, rats

Three People Who Make Me Laugh: My Baby's Daddy, Will Ferrell, Ron White

Three Things I Love: Snuggling with my boys, Diet Coke with Lime from Sonic with Malibu coconut rum (seriously--shouldn't I have an endorsement deal from the Malibu people by now?!?) and reading a good book

Three Things I Hate: When My Baby's Daddy snores & won't put on his C-Pap, Mornings, being at the mercy of someone else while shopping or running errands...I can't stand to wait around for plundering

Three Things I Don't Understand: Angelina Jolie, why gas prices are so ridiculously high, why I can't be skinny and have a good sense of humor

Three Things on my Desk: Easter candy wrapper---damn you, Reese's peanut butter eggs!; my glasses (please remind me of that when I'm cursing & frantically looking for them later), and
Lipstick Jungle by Candace Bushnell

Three Things I'm Doing Right Now: Drawing super-heroes for The President, wishing I had my pajamas on, waiting for Desperate Housewives to end so I can watch it on DVR & fast-forward through the commercials

Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die: get a tattoo, win the lottery, finish this meme

Three Things I Can Do: cook, plan parties, write grants

Three Things I Can't Do: Drive well at night, be pleasant and calm when I have PMS, fly a plane

Three Things I Think You Should Listen To: your conscience, children laughing, the Grease soundtrack (I dare you not to sing along!)

Three Things I Think You Should Never Listen To: blatant negativism, the sound a fork or knife makes scraping across a plate (makes my teeth hurt just to write it!), the voices in your head

Three Things I'd Like To Learn: to grow my own vegetables, sign language, yoga

Three Favorite Foods: I love good food...can't narrow it down to three individual foods, so I give you my three favorite food genres--Italian, seafood, and chocolate

Three TV Shows I Watched as a Kid: Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers (in that order--now how the hell did I remember that?!?), and the Electric Company



Tag, you're it!!!!: Janet a.k.a. Wondermom, Queen of the Mayhem, Ann

Ma....MEATLOAF!!!!

So last night, we're enjoying a lovely family dinner. Nice conversation, great food, it's the week-end and living is easy. All of a sudden, Fat Baby decides that he is over it. Now picture a 42+ pound two year old...it would be ridiculous for him to have a squeaky little wussy voice, wouldn't it? But it still totally cracks me up to hear him bellow out. I am often greeted first thing in the morning with a big smile, and a deep "MAAAAAAAAA!!!!" As he was adamantly demanding his "CUUUUUUUP!!!!!" (think caveman caliber one-word sentences) I told My Baby's Daddy that he sounds just like Will Ferrell's character in Wedding Crashers. And believe me, that could so be him. He has that daredevil frat-boy personality to serve as the perfect foil to his brother, a straight-laced politician.

So we're all "ha ha....Ma--the MEATLOAF!!! ha ha...picked her up at a funeral!!!! " and My Baby's Daddy says how Vince Vaughn was awesome in that movie, too.

"I'd do him." I say, meaning every word.

"You'd do him just because he's funny?"

"Why do you think I do you?"

Who's the grown-up here?

As I have documented very well on this blog, my son, The President was born a 40 year old man. He relates very well to adults, and understands the subtle humor of sarcasm. He wants to be the president, and he is one cool kiddo. The other day he saw his latest wish fulfilled, and we had his hair highlighted. Soooo very stylin', the envy of all the other 6-year-olds. Just like his mama, he has a sassy little attitude, and his recent wardrobe reflects that. He has t-shirts that say things like "Your lips are moving, but all I hear is blah blah blah!" and "I'm the Boss of Me!" When I brought that one home, he emphatically informed me that the other kids were going to be "pissed out" because they'd be so jealous of his new threads.

Yes, my six year old said, "pissed..." and no, I didn't make a big deal out of it. We are who we are, ya know? He is just as likely to sweetly tell you how Jesus lives in his heart. We are open-minded Christians, who don't take life and ourselves too seriously. So, that's kind of my disclaimer. I don't want to offend anyone, but I'll tell you we don't sweat the small stuff around here.

The President will take any opportunity to get a chuckle out of the grown-ups...Like the other night when I said some minor league "bad word" & My Baby's Daddy was giving me a hard time about it.

All sarcastic like, he asks our son, "Why don't you say that to your teacher tomorrow & see if she thinks it's appropriate for you to hear that kind of language?"

Never missing a beat, the Pres says, "Mama acts appropriate at my school, but at home she's like, "Daaaaaaammmn...shut up!" (He mimics me in his best sassy country twang...we all have accents, but around here we are definitely among the least-twangy by far--he did it for comedic effect!)

Fast forward to last night...my boys are in the car with me, and riding shotgun is the worst case of PMS imaginable. I had an utterly frustrating cell phone conversation with My Baby's Daddy which culminated in my behaving like a raving, hormonal lunatic. When I hung up the phone, The President informed me that I had said "three bad words and two almost-bad words...but I'm going to let it slide this time because you didn't use any self-control!"

Stop the press--I've just been given a Presidential pardon!!!

Thinking it Through

Ever since this happened, I haven't posted anything. Being the classic first-born overachiever, I didn't want to post anything new until I had addressed the task at hand (i.e., creating a new post honoring five--only five?--thinking bloggers worthy of the title. I think it put a little pressure on me, since at least one person out there sees me as a THINKING BLOGGER! Moi?!?! I think about how big my ass is, how many days until my girls' beach trip, how my highlights are holding up, and how much I love love love Joey Fatone on Dancing With the Stars. I think about what's for dinner, what's the next good book (and by "good book" I don't necessarily mean literary-good) I am going to read, and I think about offering My Baby's Daddy sex in exchange for him bathing the kids or doing the dishes.

To me, Thinking Blogger carries with it the connotation of one who is deep, profound, and eloquent. Someone who is passionate about the things they stand for. Who has lived an exciting, adventurous life, and has much wisdom to impart.

But, if Janet says I am a Thinking Blogger, then we must broaden the definition: A Thinking Blogger is someone who is self-aware. Someone who cares deeply about those she loves, and tries to express her passions through humor and truth. A Thinking Blogger is someone who shares a piece of herself every time she hits the "Publish" button. A Thinking Blogger can share frustration and sorrow coupled with joy and tenderness. Sometimes a Thinking Blogger will write about her dad's Alzheimer's Disease, and sometimes she writes about needing a pedicure. She doesn't have to be Socrates, for the Love of God...she's just who she is. Her thoughts matter.
The rules are:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think,
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme,
3. Optional: Proudly display the 'Thinking Blogger Award' with a link to the post that you wrote.

Here are five bloggers who make me think, and make me smile!

The Queen of the Mayhem is a Southern girl like me. She's constantly trying to stifle her inner-hottie and behave appropriately. I would be thrilled for one of my kids to have her as a teacher. She often has to quickly delete some of her racier posts, in attempt to maintain decorum. But that's why I love her so darn much--if my son's teacher had a blog with an ad for the Camel Toe Cup, we would totally be best friends!

Mamma at Mamma Loves...is a fairly new blog for me. She is sassy and funny, and her real mom post is right on the money! I look forward to seeing what she'll say next.

J at Oh, The Joys is someone I classify as a blog-lebrity. She is freaking everywhere, and everybody reads her, and she really leaves comments. (Even to me!) She has a fabulous, sarcastic wit. You can always count on her to say something that is so true in a way that no one else could have possibly thought to say it.

Ann at Yer Doing It Wrong is a new mom. Her pictures of her newborn son first drew me in, and they keep me coming back. It just makes you want to smell that precious little baby head! She's also funny, and smart, and I could so have her over for cocktails!

Lotta at Mom-O-Matic (by the way, Lotta, I had already chosen you as one of my five before someone else beat me to the post! You don't have to do it again, unless you just want to). This was one of my very first blogs. I knew I loved her when I saw the header, "So Dry It's Crispy." I was hooked, and have been checking in just about every day since. She has rallied the Future MILFs on a journey to hottie-ville, but in the meantime, she doesn't mind sharing the woes of plus-size swimsuit shopping. Alas, to find a little something to make my 38Ds seem perky-ish....but I digress...Lotta rocks! Oh, and vote for her, too!

I think...I'm done with this post!