A little bit nice and a lot of naughty

First of all, if anybody is still checking in on this blog....Bless your heart! I have no excuse for not posting, except that the datebook is full right now (fa la la la la....) and since I neither gave birth to nor get paid for the blog, it's on the "we'll catch up in the New Year" list. Along with my laundry. And my husband's semi-annual conjugal visit.

That being said, I couldn't resist sharing some great holiday moments of the Southern Fried House of Fun, 2007 edition.

The first one is not funny, but was a very moving experience for me this year. Our group of friends has a casual holiday gathering every year. We usually feast on Christmas goodies, have a few cocktails, and do a "dirty Santa" gift exchange. A fun, low-key, kid-free evening. Well, this year, the hostess & I happened to attend an event at our church and were looking over the "angel tree" where needy families' information was posted. We were surprised and sad to see a family we knew, and the mom had been in a Preschool Mom's group with us a couple of years ago. The list simply said, "We can't afford to buy Christmas for our children this year." We just looked at each other, and back at the list...Then, we took it down & quickly went home to e-mail everyone with the change of plans. Instead of dirty Santa gifts no one needs, we would take the money to bring gifts for the family. We filled a dining room table, and wrapped all the gifts beautifully. It was fantastic, and will be our new tradition. Things like that put me in the spirit of Christmas more than anything else.

The President is looking forward to the holiday, and as you might imagine, has a very specific list for The Man in Red. He's very easy to buy for, and has not faltered from his original gift requests. As I've said before, he's very observant. I downloaded the song "Santa Baby" as my ringtone for my cellphone. As I was packing his lunch the other day, I was singing "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus." Well, he put 2 + 2 together, and said, "Ohhhhhh, so that's what the song Santa Baby is all about!" It's sex ed, the holiday edition! And he's only seven. Yippee.

We had a chance to meet Santa on a field trip the other day. Each of the children was given an opportunity to climb up and present their list of demands. My son (he's not called The President for nothing!) leads off with, "First, I've got two questions:

#1) Am I on the nice list?
He was.

#2) Do you have a budget?
Yes. He really asked Santa Claus that...and St. Nick said, "This kid's gonna be a politician!" Everybody cracked up.

And, not to be left out of the festivities, Pop has been teaching Fat Baby to spread the holiday cheer. Ask my three year old, "What does Santa say?"

"HO HO HO....bullshit, bullshit, bullshit!"

Oh, Boys!

Overheard yesterday afternoon while cooking dinner:

The President (in a voice just above a stage whisper): "Fat Baby, say Oh, CRAP!"

Fat Baby: "Oh, CRAP!"

Pres: "Say, CRAP!"

Fat Baby: "CRAP!"

President (slightly softer voice): "Fat Baby, say SHIT!"

Fat Baby: "SHIT!"

Pres: "Say, SHIT!"

Fat Baby: "SHIT!!!!"

It makes me so happy when they can entertain themselves.


And another peek into our Southern Fried World....

When I went to pick up Fat Baby at preschool this afternoon, the teacher told me that he didn't want to take a nap (& since he's so. freaking. loud)--she asked him if he would like to go play in another classroom while his classmates slept. When I picked him up she said, "Ms. Teacher-in-the-other-class says she wants to meet Fat Baby's mom!" Yep, that's me. I'm the girl who produced this loud, buck-wild, funny as hell, into-every-darn-thing, naughty-but-in-a-I'm-so-damn-cute-you-don't-want-to-hurt-me kind of way...Yes, I am responsible for that. Funny how he's the hit of the party everywhere we go, yet no one will take me up on my offers to let them have him for a day, week, or month at a time...hmmmm, what's up with that?

Who's the grown-up here?

As I have documented very well on this blog, my son, The President was born a 40 year old man. He relates very well to adults, and understands the subtle humor of sarcasm. He wants to be the president, and he is one cool kiddo. The other day he saw his latest wish fulfilled, and we had his hair highlighted. Soooo very stylin', the envy of all the other 6-year-olds. Just like his mama, he has a sassy little attitude, and his recent wardrobe reflects that. He has t-shirts that say things like "Your lips are moving, but all I hear is blah blah blah!" and "I'm the Boss of Me!" When I brought that one home, he emphatically informed me that the other kids were going to be "pissed out" because they'd be so jealous of his new threads.

Yes, my six year old said, "pissed..." and no, I didn't make a big deal out of it. We are who we are, ya know? He is just as likely to sweetly tell you how Jesus lives in his heart. We are open-minded Christians, who don't take life and ourselves too seriously. So, that's kind of my disclaimer. I don't want to offend anyone, but I'll tell you we don't sweat the small stuff around here.

The President will take any opportunity to get a chuckle out of the grown-ups...Like the other night when I said some minor league "bad word" & My Baby's Daddy was giving me a hard time about it.

All sarcastic like, he asks our son, "Why don't you say that to your teacher tomorrow & see if she thinks it's appropriate for you to hear that kind of language?"

Never missing a beat, the Pres says, "Mama acts appropriate at my school, but at home she's like, "Daaaaaaammmn...shut up!" (He mimics me in his best sassy country twang...we all have accents, but around here we are definitely among the least-twangy by far--he did it for comedic effect!)

Fast forward to last night...my boys are in the car with me, and riding shotgun is the worst case of PMS imaginable. I had an utterly frustrating cell phone conversation with My Baby's Daddy which culminated in my behaving like a raving, hormonal lunatic. When I hung up the phone, The President informed me that I had said "three bad words and two almost-bad words...but I'm going to let it slide this time because you didn't use any self-control!"

Stop the press--I've just been given a Presidential pardon!!!