Please pray for my family

I. Fucking. Hate. Alzheimer's. My dad had another rage episode last night (these incidents have increased to about one a week, but this is the worst so far), culminating in him pushing my step-mother down the garage steps and pulling a knife on my step-brother. Last week-end, my dad & his wife had a blast on a week-end getaway. The week-end before, they came to visit us. How can he be so much who he's always been...and suddenly a violent stranger. He at the best hospital in the state's Alzheimer's ward for now. Monday morning, we will be meeting with his AD specialist to weigh our options. I am sad, scared, sick, angry, numb, and worried. I need your prayers right now. No one has seen or talked to him since the incident. I hope to God he is sedated, so that he isn't feeling alone, scared, betrayed, and angry. My family handled this exactly perfectly, and we are all on the same page. None of it is easy.

Remembering...

To say that my girlfriend's father-in-law passed away would state the fact. But, that just wouldn't give you the whole picture. This blog is all about life around here, so if you've got a minute sit down and let me take you to Small Town, Southeast United States. I spent the first part of my life swearing I wanted nothing of Small Town (I am originally from a different Small Town) Southeast. I've spent this hey-nobody-told-me-it-was-going-to-be-this-hard middle part thanking God everyday that I am exactly where I am. Funny how life works out that way. So, yes, a friend's father-in-law died. But it was another friend's (her husband's) father. He had been sick a long time with lung disease. He was a fine person. I wish I had known him better. The whole family have attended the church that we do way longer than we've been around here. A lot of people that My Baby's Daddy & I consider to be our closest friends here grew up together.
I'm going to violate my own rule of always using aliases, because the name here just fits. I want you to hear it with your eyes. The daughter-in-law is my friend Lesley. She has a sexy, gravely voice with a drawl like thick molasses. When she calls you on the phone, she says, "Hey sugar it's Leeeezzlee." She is a sweet and sensitive person, who is the most free-crier I have ever seen. She cries at commercials...not just the sappy ones either. I mean, if it hits her just right, the Domino's delivery ad can have her going at it. She has such a tender heart, and big smile. We didn't know each other well on the occasion of our first girl's beach trip, when she bravely volunteered to room (and share a bed!) with me--and I was 6 months pregnant! It worked out so well, we vowed to be each other's standing roommate. Good sleep, no drama--that's us.

I was ready for Lesley to be crying when I got to the visitation last night. Like I said, she cries when she changes the toilet paper roll. I knew another friend would cry, because it was her first funeral experience since she lost her own father this summer. I didn't feel very emotional, because I know what it's like when a person & their family have been fighting something so long. It is so sad, but I knew where he was & that he was ready to be there. So when did I start crying? As soon as I got to the front of the room (after waiting in line more than 30 minutes to see the family), and there were all of Lesley's mother-in-law's best friends up there with her. It was just freaking like Steel Magnolias. And they are. They have now buried 3 husbands, and there is only one left. They call themselves the Golden Girls, and they have all been friends since they were my age. It was overwhelming. One of them even said to a few of us, "Y'all are the next group of Golden Girls."

And it has started. We've had our babies together. We've lost a good friend who just went bat-shit crazy & left her husband for selfish pursuits. We've watched parents grow older, grow more frail, suffer, and a few leave this world. A friend of ours was pregnant at the same time as me, and lost her premature son in his first day of life. And she was so loving and sweet and excited for me when I had a little boy just a couple of months later. We've been co-dependent, independent, bitchy, and funny. We've laughed, cried, and yelled at each other. We've hurt feelings and had our feelings hurt. But, in the end, we're there. You hold on and dry each other's tears and do your best to make it one day to the next.
You know what? I'm not even a little bit good at all of this. I want to be the good time girl. It just seems that life in your thirties is the best and worst of it. My precious babies are growing up so fast. My husband works so hard that I'm lucky if we spend a good 15 minutes a day together. My dad is sick. Sometimes I'm so overwhelmed that I don't know how I'm going to figure out what to do next.
So, today I did what any good Small Town Southern girl is trained to do. I got in the kitchen and made dinner to take over to the family. And yes, I was barefoot.

I'm a Little Behind

...says the girl with a big behind!!!! I haven't been able to sit down & do the blog thing lately. We were out of town for my mom's birthday (Happy Birthday, Grammie!) and my cousin's baby shower. Anyway, according to my most recent weigh-in, I am five pounds down! Yea, me! I have a friend who is a nurse, and through her hospital a team of five of us are participating in an eight-week statewide slimdown competition. The winning team (who loses the highest percentage of weight) gets $1000 per team member. Motivational, no? The first weekly weigh-in is today. I'm putting on my bulkiest sweater and jeans.

Life is good around here...crazy as usual. More in-depth posting coming soon!

Put a fork in me....

I am done!!! And it's not even 9:00 a.m. Let me tell you about my day. (A little background first). The President has to be at school at 7:50 a.m. They are pretty strict about it. Any later than that, you have to march your kid into the office & fill out a tardy slip. It's a pain in the butt. If you don't have to go in, you can drop your kid off in your pjs (which I do quite a bit....Fat Baby also wears his jammies for the ride--we live less than 5 minutes from school). On Tuesday & Thursday, I pick up a friend's children, take the older one to school, and the two year old comes home with us for the day. I've got the routine down like a well-oiled machine. I get up about 6:45, pack lunch, make breakfast, lay out clothes, and then wake the (very grouchy) President. (Neither of us are morning people...keep that in mind, because I have a related story coming up). My Baby's Daddy leaves for work before any of us are awake 99.99% of the time. So, we've gotten in the routine of him calling to wake me every day. Works out great...except today, he didn't look at the time until 7:24. Seven freaking twenty-four! There was no way I was going to make it on time, so I called the dad of the two kids I was supposed to be picking up in ten minutes, and asked him to save his son a tardy & drop him off and then bring the baby to me. He was happy to help a sister out. I breathed a little easier & went about my morning routine. Since we had to go into the school, I had to dress myself and Fat Baby in real clothes, as well. We were out the door at about 8:15...not too bad, I thought. We get to the car & I'm buckling children in. Fat Baby wanders back into the house while I'm buckling Beaker (the other kid) in the car. When I went back into the house to collect him, he was no where to be found. No where. So, I began looking outside. Kids his age don't generally say, "Here I am, Mom!" when you call them anyway, but he is especially stubborn. He does not respond to his name unless it suits his particular agenda. After a few minutes of searching outside, I started to really panic. I can't believe how quickly they can get away...I was in that gray area just before hysterical crying, and after severe chest pains. It was a dull ache in my soul. Desperate, I asked the President to get out of the car & help me look. I guess he has a kid's sixth sense, because he walked straight around the house (to the swingset, duh!) and yelled, "Here he is Mom!" I ran back there as fast as I could to sweep up my precious baby, and cover him with kisses. When I got almost there, he laughed and ran in the opposite direction. I spank my children only when it is utterly appropriate, and this fit the bill. A million emotions were running through my mind, but I had to let him know that he couldn't run away...it's dangerous. Then, of course, he got a million hugs and kisses. We delivered his brother to school, and all is well with the world.

Some other stuff Fat Baby has done lately: pulled up a stool & sat in the kitchen sink, gone to the pantry and dumped out a huge (warehouse club size) package of individual bags of chips, stood on the dining room table, stood on the open door to the dishwasher, planted himself firmly on the floor at various public venues including church, fast food restaurants, and the hair salon...he has stopped (for the moment) coloring on the walls, though.

He is a sweet and precious child...he's just the complete opposite of his big brother! I can, however, take him anywhere. He will ride in a stroller without incident, sit in a high chair and enjoy a meal out, and sits nicely in a shopping cart. He is smart, sweet, and so absolutely beautiful that strangers often stop me to tell me so. As a friend once said of her second boy, "His cuteness gets him out of a lot of trouble!"

Now, back to the story related to my aversion to morning. Our house is divided. MBD and Fat Baby are total morning people. Don't talk to me or The President until we've been up for about 45 minutes. Prior to the mayhem that started at 7:24, MBD thought that he would come over to my side of the bed for a little cuddle (i.e., GROPE) time. It was like 5:00 a.m., and I didn't go to bed until like 1:00. WTF!!!! I barely remember it, but I believe the words, "Don't touch me you f*ing pervert! Go away, and stop that damn heavy breathing in my ear!" There was also some shoving and hitting involved, I think.

If you need me, I'll be hiding out with a good book...which reminds me, please check out my previous post & leave your recommendations for good reads. Mama needs a reality break!

Summer Fun and An Open Book

Nothing new, exciting, funny, or even mildly entertaining around here...which is good news, I guess. After the turmoil of/ and leading up to the holiday season, it's nice to just settle into a boring old routine for a while. And even though the temperatures here are starting to finally reflect the season (in the 40s--we are still in the Deep South, you know), I am developing a case of early spring fever. I find myself thinking of sitting by the pool, sporting a nice tan, big boy out of school, sleeping late, grilling out, chilling out, and our family beach trip...which The Pres & I have made My Baby's Daddy promise we will have this year. I think about the summer every single day. It's not that I dislike winter, or that we even have more than say, three days of winter to speak of...it's just that since Christmas has passed, I'm ready for the next big thing. Of course, I've got to lose 10 or 40 pounds between now & then...but if I could blink my eyes & be on a float with an umbrella drink right now, Shamu-the-Whale-Woman be damned, I'd do it!

But since I have to face reality, I might as well enjoy the cold(er) weather by curling up with a good book. My aunt gave me Tell No One (which I just finished) and Gone For Good (just started) by Harlan Coben. Nice, easy reading and nicely written. I read the first one in just a couple of days. I love to read, and if it's a good book, I will get through it pretty quickly. My favorite author is Anne Rivers Siddons. I have read just about everything she has ever written. Fantastic. My favorite book of hers is Peachtree Road. I just read Jodi Picoult for the first time...enjoyed it, as well. I love Cassandra King, and Mary Kay Andrews. I am really into books with crazy Southern women (go figure...takes one to know one?) I also recently finished The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd. It was very well done, and rewarding.

Now you know what I like...I am up for recommendations. As if you can't tell, I read all the freaking time...so please share!!! And feel free to check out some of my favorites. I'm sure there are blog "book clubs" out there, but I'd have to be in charge (remember my Type A tendencies?) of my own, because I want to read for fun...not because it has the most literary merit. I may hold a degree in English, but that doesn't mean I enjoyed Beowulf, know what I mean?

Hail to the Chief

Since The President was out of school today, I had one of those rare, lazy just mom & the boys kind of days. I really love it when I get the chance to just hang with the two of them & see what they will do. I'm not a mom who waits anxiously for school to start back in the fall. I have freaking cool kids, and I totally love spending time with them. The Pres totally cracks me up. He has the personality of a 40 year old man, and uses words as long as your arm...and uses them correctly. He loves to watch Supernanny, so he can criticize those heathen children & in a very Eddie Haskell-esqe way remark, "Those children need to go the naughty spot. They don't know how to behave appropriately!" He's six and a half, y'all! He is just a little grown-up, most of the time. He totally loves to force out a stinky fart on my leg, and other such 6-year-old-boyish stuff, but he has an old soul.

The reason I call him The President, is because he announced about two years ago that he was, in fact, going to be president some day. He liked the idea of being in charge of the entire country. Last Christmas, he asked for a desk and a "world ball" (globe). He has a framed picture of the president & White House on his desk. He has since met with the mayor of our small town, and had a front-page article of the meeting featured in the local newspaper.

Despite his grown-up demeanor, there are many things about my first-born that exemplify the wonderful, fleeting moments of childhood. One of the reasons I started this blog is to have a way to keep a record of such moments, before the insanity of life's chaos erases them from my memory.

How could I not want to remember.....
The President's imaginary friend, Invis-O-Bill (he named the guy all by himself)

Speaking of his unique naming abilities--there's Chelsea (the big rubber spider), Harry (his favorite stuffed bear), and Speedy (Invis-O-Bill's sidekick, often pimped out to run errands, like fetching our manners, when we leave them at home)

His love of exclamation points!!!! When we have to write sentences with spelling words each week, you can bet at least nine out of twelve will end in !

How even now, he still sometimes says his Ls and Rs like "W." When we read a bedtime story about swimming, it just melted my heart to hear the way he said "fwoat."

Tonight when I was making dinner, I asked what he wanted. He replied, "Let me see what my tastebugs are in the mood for!"

The President loves to dress in costumes and superhero gear. Tonight, he dressed himself and Fat Baby (the nickname there is pretty self-explanatory) in matching Superman capes, and they attempted to "fly" around the living room (jumping from one piece of furniture to another). So freaking cute it made my uterus hurt! Seriously.

A rare moment of sappiness

One thing you'll discover if you hang around here very much, is that humor is my number one coping mechanism....well, okay--it's actually a close second to denial, but anyway...I tend to try to steer clear from voicing my fears, anxieties, pain, sadness, and anger. I am afraid of making them too real, I guess. For the same reason, I don't usually blog about anything that's highly emotional. It would take a lot of personal growth for me to be able to recount something that frightened or upset me (therapeutic though it may be).

My sweet friend Janet at Dancing Through is so great at expressing herself. She just puts it all out there, and does so beautifully. I duck and weave, internalize and deny. Stay busy. Keep too many balls in the air.

I tend to write little "episodes" of my life. Just light-hearted stuff that might entertain someone. Or provoke a conversation.

All that to say, I just couldn't keep myself from sharing a thought I had. Because I thought it was beautiful. We had an unexpected visit from my dad & step-mother today. It was great. I love any opportunity to spend time with my dad, because he has a number of health issues, not the least of which is early onset Alzheimer's Disease (he is 58) and heart disease. He has gotten a lot more fragile in the past two years since he was diagnosed with "Big AL" (his name for AD). I really appreciate it when my boys get one-on-one time with Pop. He is a total character, and loves those boys like nobody's business.

They just came for a day-visit & left after we returned from going out to an early dinner. Later, when I was getting Fat Baby into his jammies, I could smell my dad's distinct scent on him--combined with the yummy Fat-Babyness, it was something I wish I could bottle and keep. It was the scent of my past, present, and future.

Are you tearing up along with me? God, I must have total PMS....I just don't carry on like this.

And I have a zit, too.

Fat Fighting Friday

...though technically it is Saturday, I am still awake from Friday. Gosh-darned caffeinated diet coke (with Malibu rum and lime...oh, yeah, and a blue margarita of some kind)...anyway, I'm slightly wired. I didn't get to weigh in today, which is okay since I only did my initial weigh-in on Tuesday. I have had a great week, and I feel really good. I've been very productive and I feel like focusing on my health has given me an overall positive outlook (which I desperately needed!) I will post my weigh-in results tomorrow, if I get to the gym. Since there is no nursery on Saturdays at the YMCA, I am at the mercy of My Baby's Daddy. Otherwise, I'll definitely go in on Monday.

Lotta at Mom-O-Matic compared the constant cravings & impulsiveness that so many people with weight issues have to an alcoholic's battle with their inner addict. I could not agree more...and coming from a long line of addictive personalities, I can recognize this in myself. (I'm kind of grateful that I got the food addiction & not alcoholism...I mean, even if I have to eat celery & drink water all the time, at least I can still tie one on when I want to!) I think any of us who have traveled the long road to skinny-ville have had to battle our evil mini food addict. Lotta and others have given the little buttheads names, so we all know who we're up against. Bingelina is Lotta's little food ho, and others include Lady Flabina and Trish (so named for the Future MILF's husband's skinny ex!) So now, I too am naming my naughty inner compulsive eater. I am totally addicted to carbs, so I'd like to take that into account. I do love me some chocolate, so I did consider calling the choco-whore Giada Ghirardelli....(score for me because just thinking of Giada de Laurentiis makes me lose my appetite!) Either that or maybe Carbzilla? What do you think?

I totally love the support, and the MILFers all rock! But, tomorrow I'm going to try to just blog about something cool or fun...I don't this to become just a blog about my weight loss efforts. And by the way, in case you're reading & not writing...I hear it's de-lurking week. Go ahead & comment...you know you want to!

Purging

Here are a few things that are on my mind. The random format is perfect for today, since I feel like I've been walking in circles all week.

First, here are a couple of things I've come across to break up the monotony of healthy eating:


Yogurt Burst Cheerios....I've been eating the strawberry ones dry as a snack. Great for the kids, also. I'm not a big milk fan, so I don't have them for breakfast, although it would fill you up. A serving is 3/4 cup, and that is only two points!! They are yummy.

In order to get in all the required water of the day, I've been treating myself to the Crystal Lite on-the-go packs...just add to a bottle of water & shake! Wal-Mart even has them in the store brand, which is about half the price & I really can't taste a difference.

Finally, I found this POINTS calculator that someone created online...quick and easy for figuring out your daily intake. (Weight Watchers also sells a fabulous POINTS calculator, which is great to take to the grocery store & instantly know what a food is worth. Works as a regular calculator, too, so it's nice to keep in your purse.

That's it for my product endorsements for the day! But while we're on the topic of weight loss, My Baby's Daddy wants to know what are we going to call the participating dads. Is he the only one? I don't think DILF will work, do you? He suggested DIMs, (Daddy I'd like to Marry) since boys & girls just don't think the same...but, really--I wouldn't mind him being a hot-as-fire DILF! Suggestions?

In other news...the new TV season is up & running. Hello, Grey's Anatomy!!!! I'm going to have to work really hard to get everyone in bed & settled down this evening, so I can concentrate. American Idol is starting on Tuesday the 16th...it's going to be TiVo time up in here!

I also just discovered a new show on E! called High Maintenance 90210. MBD and I highly enjoy it. It's about an agency that supplies celebrities & other LA personalities with nannies, personal assistants, chefs, butlers, etc.

And finally, in keeping with the New Year's Resolutions, I cleaned out a big ol' trash bag full of junk out of The President's room while he was at school. We are getting rid of pounds, getting rid of junk, and getting ready for a great 2007!

No Weigh!!!

So, I am strep-free, and beginning my MILF training. So far, so good! I am very lucky that I have a super-supportive husband. He has always made me feel beautiful and special because of who I am...not some number on a scale. As I was preparing to adhere to a healthy lifestyle, I asked My Baby's Daddy to what degree he wanted to be involved...i.e., did he want to eat exactly what I did, was he planning to work out, etc. He decided that this should be a whole family endeavor--couldn't we all benefit from making healthy choices? Absolutely!

Now, one of my many quirks is my need to compartmentalize things in my brain. I'm sure it's a coping mechanism. When I've been successful in my weight loss efforts, it's been because I've used my Type A tendencies to my advantage--PLAN, PLAN, PLAN!!!! Part of the planning involves having interesting and enjoyable food and beverages that are low in calories and fat. Those things have always been my little treats. Just mine. There are some exceptions. I always keep plenty of Quaker Chewy Granola Bars (2 points!) on hand. Both I and the kiddos enjoy them. Ditto for grapes and other fresh fruits, carrot sticks, etc. I also feed the boys reduced fat crackers, like Cheez-Its and Wheat Thins.

In the past I have bought (hands off, they're mine!) Weight Watchers ice cream sandwiches, grape flavored Propel fitness water, hearts of palm (yummy on salad or plain as a snack...very "artichoke-like"), and other things that help me stick to the plan.

But this time? This time, MBD wants to be on board, remember? He's going to be right there with me all the way. Therefore, I was not allowed to complain last night when he consumed my last cold, caffeine-free diet coke out of the refrigerator. He can't have a sugary soda...he's dieting. So, nothing is off limits around here. I don't know how I feel about that...I've always had my little security items, and now it's community property...Anyway, I stopped myself from reprimanding him, but did ask once more if he is truly serious about shaping up with me. "Oh, definitely, hon!"

We enjoyed a delicious and healthy dinner: talapia with olive oil and rosemary roasted potatoes, and steamed asparagus. Deeeeeelicious!

MBD had to rush off to a meeting just after dinner. He said he needed a little something to "keep him awake." And THIS is what he had!

And one more after the meeting...because they just taste so darn good!

Today's challenge: MBD & I were both going to journal & record everything we eat all day....should be interesting!

Home Alone

My Baby's Daddy has three sisters and a brother. His family situation is way more dysfunctional where the parentals are concerned than mine. All that being said, today was the Baby's Daddy Family Sibling Holiday Celebration. All five siblings and their assorted children, spouses, and significant others coordinate schedules to have this sometime-around-Christmas festivity. It ain't easy to get everyone on the same page. There are those from out-of-state, those with more than one baby daddy with whom they must coordinate custody, and the usual assortment of work and social obligations.

This year, there was an additional tie-in to his expectant sister's baby shower brunch in the morning. I was really looking forward to going & seeing everyone, but since I was highly infected with strep, and no doubt contagious...it was obvious that I wouldn't be going this time.

My oldest child is six and a half years old. His brother is two. This is the first time that they have spent a weekend alone with their dad. Any time I have done something without the guys, like my annual girls' beach trip, MBD somehow always ends up sending the boys up to my mom's house.

I know that he loves them as much as I do, even though he can't possibly love them the same way I do. I never imagined the things that I would think of as the three of them set out upon this journey...like their safety. Whenever we take a road trip (this same road trip, even) MBD always drives. Why do I somehow feel that they are all safer if I'm there to see it for myself?

When they left, I noticed that The President had left his "play shoes" at home & was wearing his new tennis shoes. It lead me to think that my well-prepared sister-in-law would certainly offer an extra pair if there was to be in outside-in-the-mud activity. That led me to the revelation that My Baby's Daddy has no idea what size shoes our children even wear!!!! In my way-too-much-time-to-think about this-brain, I could not believe I sent my children away with someone who (never mind that half their DNA is his) doesn't know what size shoes they wear!

I did at least pack for them...so, I know that they have everything they need & won't look like a couple of ragamuffins. Daddy, I'm not so sure about!

I really do think that it will be a good experience for the three of them. Fat Baby & I are rarely apart, and I'm sure by tomorrow evening we will all appreciate each other a little more.

As for me...what mom doesn't dream of the week-end that she will have all to herself with good books, unlimited laptop time, control of the remote, and Peace. And. Quiet. There's not even any guilt, because I'm still on the road to recovery. Freshly showered, clean jammies, a little pain reliever & I'm chilling...so, I am making the most of this unexpected time off.
Hope you all get a little me-time in the New Year....without the strep, of course!

The Weighting Game

If you could only see me now....there's now way anyone could possibly mistake me for a Future MILF. In addition to the extra pounds I've put on during the highly delicious and stressful holiday season, I am feeling oh-so glamorous and MILF-like in my crusty red flannel pajamas with swollen glands and greasy hair. I would like to think that the strep might have a positive side effect, like a few lost pounds, but with the only palatable food being chicken and dumplings and cookies & cream ice cream, that seems rather unlikely. Yeah, I'm so motivated...

I'm going to weigh in when I go to the gym on Monday, and go from there. I've done the Weight Watchers program, and been very successful. I lost about 100 pounds after Fat Baby was born. Yes, I lost 100 pounds, and still didn't make it to goal! Doesn't that suck? Anyway, I've found that I will make it to goal someday, and I won't get back to where I started.

Here are some things that I have learned in my 2+ years of working toward my goal weight, while maintaining my #1 goal to have a healthy lifestyle:
First, I really do like to work out. It is really good for me both physically and emotionally. If you get into the habit (by the way, I am temporarily out of the habit) of exercising on a regular basis, you will miss it when you don't do it. Eating healthy is the same way--you start to feel so great that you want to keep it up. Unfortunately, falling off the wagon has the same snowball effect. Those pounds you worked so hard to lose will come back & bring their buddies with them, more determined than ever to stick around.

I first began changing my view of weight loss and health when I developed gestational diabetes during my second pregnancy. I was "above average" in size during both pregnancies, and the first was picture-perfect. No swelling, no gestational diabetes, no high blood pressure...perfect health for both me & The teeny President-to-be. That gave me a false sense of security in my big-girlness...see, my skinny sister had gestational diabetes in both her pregnancies. I told myself that no matter the number on the scale, I was healthy.

Four years later, pregnant again, I began to swell about the second I conceived, I flunked the glucose tolerance test, and was concerned for the health of my unborn baby. Funny how moms work...we won't do it for ourselves, but we will walk through the pits of hell for our kids. I was so determined to make sure that my baby was okay, and I was going to do it myself---for him. I could control this condition through my choices in diet. It was a super-duper wake up call when my OB/GYN said that I might have to have insulin injections if I couldn't get my blood sugar where it needed to be. Well, I did it. I followed the diabetic diet to the letter. I was actually losing a healthy amount of weight as my baby gained. The first 40 pounds came off before I knew it...9+ pound baby, fluid, placenta, breast feeding, exhaustion, forgetting to eat properly...I had a little post-partum depression, which I didn't have the first time. It was a huge time of adjustment for me. I joined Weight Watchers when Fat Baby was one month old. I've been back & forth on the program for various reasons. Burnout, anxiety, frustration, scheduling, and laziness among them. I've been having a lot of trouble lately with anxiety...and believe me, there are circumstances in my life to warrant this. But I do feel that working out, and embracing the scheduling of a healthy lifestyle will help give me a much-needed boost.

My first mini-goal is to lose 15 pounds by March. I usually go to the tanning bed from March-May, that way I am nicely golden brown before my annual girls' beach trip, and before pool season starts. If I get a tan, I won't fry in the sun. Save me the "Evils of Tanning Beds" comments....if I won't listen to my own mother, I probably won't listen to you. Plus, I do it in moderation, so I don't look like worn leather. This is a little something I do for myself, kind of a reward for my fitness efforts.

I really need constant motivation, though. For me, the weight loss "honeymoon" is long over. I resent the fact that I even have to go to freaking Weight Watchers. Though it's nice when people notice how great you're looking, even that doesn't keep a girl from wanting some ice cream now and then. Mostly now. And then. And carbs. And other stuff.

I'm sending skinny vibes to all those MILFs in Training that Lotta has recruited...I can't wait to read about your success in the weeks to come!

Wallowing in Self-Pity

I'm not even going to try to deny it. I have freaking strep....and it came on quickly and violently. I went to the oh-so-cute and precious Dr. Sweet (I swear, that is his real name)...and got myself medicated. I heart him. He has a great bedside manner...it's almost worth having the damn strep. Almost. House is going to hell in a handbasket (Didn't have far to go, at that), and the kids are driving me crazy, but I don't have the energy to do anything about it. I did put on my full "drag" today, since I was going to see the fabulous Dr. Sweet....but I am ready to get into my cozy jammies & let My Baby's Daddy feel sorry for me. He (MBD, not Dr. Sweet) said that he knew I had fever delirium at 3:00 a.m., when I asked him to snuggle me. (Chills, etc)...anyway, I am usually a good patient...I can keep going most of the time, but this crap is kicking my hiney! Don't you think one day of moping is in order? Just chillin' with the laptop, and my aches and pains...I thought so. I wish I had a cute "I'm sick" graphic to go with this post, but you'll just have to use your imagination.

Things I haven't done in 2007

1. Exercised
2. Finished a book
3. Had sex
4. Left the house more than twice
5. Shaved my legs
6. Cooked a nice dinner
7. Driven a car
8. Had a diet coke with lime from Sonic
9. Talked to my best friend
10. Been apart from my children