Celebrating My Neuroses...

Hi. Remember me? I used to write a blog here. If anyone is still checking in on my sorry ass, please be patient with me as it's the end of the school year and my calendar is double & triple-booked most days. Where did April go, anyway?

One reason I've been scarce is that we had a big blow-out bash for my friend who's moving in the next few weeks. It was last night & we managed to keep it a surprise. The party was great fun with friends who have also been neglected due to my crazy-ass schedule lately. We partied old-school, complete with a lot of booze, a band, and My Baby's Daddy upchucking after we got home at 1:15 a.m. He smelled like a damn brewery and I went to sleep in the bottom bunk in the boys' room. Good times.

I am now officially on the countdown to my annual girls' beach trip. Since it is less than two weeks away, today has been list-making day. Nothing makes me happier than a good list. Besides my list of what to pack, and what to do before I go, there is the Snack List. Some years we bring homemade snacks, and others we just buy everything when we get to the beach. But since fuel is forty bajillion dollars a gallon, we decided it would help our budget to bring some stuff from home. I tend to think of myself as The Queen of Snacks, and take my title quite seriously. I'm thinking of taking a couple of old favorites and debuting something new. Any ideas?

I also plan to take pre-made labels with everyone's name on them to stick on the ziplock bags when I (being a food snob, control freak, and born entertainer) make everyone's sandwich to enjoy on the beach. In years past, we've had to label them with a pen or some other crude and inferior method. People will either envy me or think I am a neurotic control freak. Whatever. If they want their damn sandwich, they'll sing my praises like a bunch of canaries. Don'tcha think?

Five Things

Oh, I do so love me a good meme. And it's Sunday afternoon....and I was in the middle of a tedious and never-ending home organization project with My Baby's Daddy when he had to leave to go show a house. So, why shouldn't I take this opportunity to slack off while he's gone? Amy tagged me for this somewhere in between the stomach virus and catching up on the laundry, so I'm making time for it now.



Five things on my to-do list today...
1. Finish organizing my bedroom and closet. I must sleep in a non-chaotic environment. Tonight. This has been going on way too long.
2. Cook dinner. I have a pork tenderloin marinating a la a recipe from my BFF. Sounds yummy.
3. Keep the boys from killing each other. Or at least wear earplugs so I don't have to hear it.
4. Take Fat Baby to the potty every 30 minutes. Day Two in Big Boy Underpants. He has only had one major accident & a couple of "dribbles." Thank. You. Jesus.
5. Make tomorrow's to-do list. I am such a list-maker. Tomorrow's list will be much more fun than today's, what with everybody in school and all. It includes a trip to Victoria's Secret for bras, a trip to the fabric store, and other things that nobody else in my house cares about. Well...My Baby's Daddy does enjoy the VS thing...


Five snacks I enjoy...
1. Buffalo Chicken dip...if you're sweet, I'll post the recipe
2. Fiber One bars
3. Movie popcorn (Target's snack bar popcorn, a very close second)
4. Chocolate dipped strawberries
5. Pistachios

Five things I would do if I were a billionaire ...
1. Build my dream home
2. Help others
3. Travel
4. Hire help
5. Have my own talk show


Five bad habits...
1. Passive aggressive
2. Control freak
3. Can have a potty mouth
4. Become withdrawn when overwhelmed/stressed out/pissed off/ anxious
5. Compulsive eating



Five places I have lived ...
1. Fort Payne, AL
2. Millbrook, AL
3. Jacksonville, AL
4. Charleston, SC
5. Troy, AL




Five jobs I've had...
1. Burger King (drive thru operator)--me & polyester...not so much
2. Wal-Mart Jewelry Department--me & the dregs of humanity....not so much
3. Preschool Teacher/ Director--me & other people's kids...not so much
4. Volunteer Coordinator--left to be a SAHM, loved it
5. Grant Writer--perfect job for me! flexible, able to be with kids, work from home


I tag: Pink in a Sea of Blue, So Tired, Worker Mommy, and you...and you...

What's New in the New Year?

My attitude, for one! 2007 was really difficult for me. A lot of stuff happened, and a lot more happened that I did not even begin to address on the blog. Maybe someday, but not now. Bottom line is, sometimes blessings don't come easy. I've been given a lot of responsibilities, and like most women, I completely neglected to take care of myself. I'm sure that it showed by the end of the year.

Knowing I had to do something, I've started the new year off making myself a priority. I started back to Weight Watchers (lost 4.5 pounds last week!), going to the gym at least three times a week, and taking a little time off every now and then. I've been able to ask for help (which is completely out of character) and accept help when it's been offered (even more out of character). If I'm falling apart, I'm no good to anyone else. When I get totally hawt, I'm sure I won't be able to resist posting a picture. I lost 60 pounds after Fat Baby was born on WW, so I'm pretty confident in my ability to follow the program.

The new year finds us on a pretty tight schedule. I don't mind too much, because I really function better with maximum structure. Fat Baby is in preschool three days a week (hooray for preschool!). The President is taking karate two nights a week, and I have Weight Watchers one of those nights. I am working in the grant office one day a week (and occasionally more as needed). My dad & I are going to the gym together a couple of times each week, as well. My Baby's Daddy has his regular, full-time sales job and a evening/ week-end real estate job that is his passion. And we all sit down to a healthy, homecooked meal together every night except Thursday. (I am totally not kidding about that--it is very important to me...and Pop helps with the cooking sometimes).

I'll leave you (breaking my last-year rule of no kid pictures) with this image of our last day of Christmas vacation. It goes without saying that Fat Baby was ready for some structure, too!

Boo, Y'all!

I am up to my eyeballs getting ready for various classroom festivities. There is a room-mother who I think has potential, but I'm pretty sure I can take her...

Happy Trick or Treats, everybody! If you need me, I'll be plundering through the boys' bags for the good stuff! I'm so going to need a big drink when tomorrow is over!

I'm older & I have better insurance...

It's a super great lazy day around the Southern Fried House today. Everyone except me & the Fat Baby are off enjoying some SEC football. We spent a few happy hours purusing a new Books a Million--heaven on earth--followed by Target. A double dose of wandering bliss. I bought a bunch of crap I didn't need. I bought many lovely, useful and wonderful things that will bring me great joy. Including three books, Monster Mash Mojito Mix (add rum & freeze--makes 20 cocktails), a new planner (because I'm an OCD, type A, planning fanatic--and it makes me happy happy), and some fabulous hooks for the boys' room to hang their backpacks on. Finally. (Have been looking for those for months).

When the window of opportunity for fun-time-with-a-preschooler was closing, and we were leaving the Tar-jay, I began to back out of my parking space just as I always do. Car in reverse, foot on break, creep back, and check rearview and side mirrors. I almost always have my kids in the car, and their safety is #1 priority with me. Driving the big ole Honda Oddysey doesn't inspire reckless abandon--ummm, kay? Anyway, as I was doing my preliminary ease back I heard somebody honk their horn. At moi?!?! No one could have been more careful than I at that moment. (I do admit that I am by no means the best driver around, but I do. not. take unnecessary chances with my kids). I look around to see the source of the rudeness. Three skinny little heifers who barely look old enough to drive. She was probably sitting on phone book to see over the wheel. I caught the whole "mean girls" look, and the whole, "look how cool I am--I can honk at some mom in a minivan."

Pissed me off. I thought about flipping her off, but what kind of example would that be to Fat Baby. (And besides I was afraid he'd do it at church tomorrow if he saw me do it). So, pulled out & passed them, I looked the driver straight in the eye and smiled (fake, bouncy cheerleader smile) and waved my ass off. They probably thought I knew their mom. Whatever. They all looked very perplexed, but I'm sure they will think about the attitude next time. Nah, probably not. I'm going to do my "I Don't Have a Girl" Dance now.

Addictive Personality? And some cute stuff from the Southern Fried Brothers

Some people just have that gene for addictive personality disorder. My substance of choice is food. Love it. Love everything about it, cooking it, smelling it, thinking about it, tasting it, reading cookbooks, watching food network. But, as I've well-documented...I lost about 100 pounds of lardass after Fat Baby was born, so I can't indulge my addiction as much as I'd like. I want to stay as healthy as I can, so I've decided to pick up some new vices. Thought I'd share....because it's my blog, and I can.

With the start of a new school year, I decided to go all out in the organizing department (my type-A-ness has been well documented, here). I didn't post about the total extreme makeover of the boys' living space, because I was too damn busy cleaning out, painting, constructing, ordering, purchasing, and working my ass off to talk about it. I moved them into a room together (The President wanted bunk beds, so we gave him a roommate!) and am re-claiming Fat Baby's room as the office it once was. I thought our chances of keeping everyone in his own bed might increase, if they had each other for company. Plus, I really needed a work space.

In my attempt to get on the organizational bandwagon, I finally purchased one of those fancy-schmancy labelmakers. Totally addicted. Anything that would usually get a name slapped on it with Sharpie is now neatly marked with a clear adhesive label. Anything that can't be labeled gets monogrammed, and vice-versa. Yeah, I have a real thing with the monogramming. (I seriously have the monogrammer on speed-dial in my cell phone). Is the whole monogramming thing limited to the South? If so, I am totally in the right place.

As if the monogramming and labeling frenzy weren't enough, I was cleaning out my pantry yesterday when I discovered that I apparently have some sort of vinegar obsession. Seriously. I had like 8 different kinds of vinegar in the pantry. And I use them! I guess that kind of goes along with my cooking/eating addiction...

Since I've been growing my hair out, I can't seem to step out of the house without purchasing some kind of hair product. Clips, barrettes, pony tail holders, headbands, flat irons....just trying to keep things interesting. I also seem to be stockpiling body wash and pajamas lately. Maybe I'm getting ready to hibernate for winter.

And of course, there's the internet, blogging, and reality tv. Yeah, I think it's safe to say that I'm a likely candidate for several multi-step programs.

In other news, here's some funny stuff my kids said today.

From The President, "Oooooooooh, yuck!!! Mama, my breath smells like Fat Baby!"

"You mean your breath smells like his breath?"

"No, I mean my breath smells funky, like the smell of him!"


My poor baby grabbed my excruciatingly hot flat iron the other day. There's nothing like learning a lesson the hard way, after you've been told a bajillion times. (Around here, we call that The Law of Natural Consequences). This morning, he noticed it on the counter and we had this conversation:


(Imagine a gravelly tough-guy baby voice, just like you'd think a 48-pound-just-turned-three-year-old would have).

"That's hawt, mama."

"Yes, it is...you burned your fingers on it the other day."


"Yeah, that's hawt. That alligator is hawt."

I love their imagination! Who would've thought that the flat iron looked like an alligator?

The kid who nearly got his little "pingers" burned off by the sonofabitch, that's who!

Mama's off the clock...

...or I will be very soon--the Girls' Beach Trip starts in 8 hours and 32 minutes (not that I'm counting down or anything!) Of course, I've been in list-making heaven in preparation for this drunken stupor....um, uh.. I mean, time of bonding with my best girls!

Swimsuits---check!
Pedicure---check! (complete with blingy little rhinestone daisies on my big toes)
Notes for My Baby's Daddy--check!
Pop taken care of---check!
Get cash at the ATM--damn, missed one!
Mimosa ingredients on the counter next to my boys' lunchboxes--check! (the Mimosas are for me, not them)

Hopefully, I'll return at the end of the week-end, relaxed, refreshed, golden tan, and ready to roll again...and with lots of stories to share! This is our 4th annual beach trip---I was hugely pregnant with Fat Baby on the first. My girlfriends hauled my big ass down to the beach on the golf cart & treated me like a queen the entire time. That being said, it's soooooo much more fun to be un-pregnant on the girls' beach trip! Out of all the trips, this will be the first that MBD has kept the boys home with him the entire time & not shipped them up to my mom's...I did leave an emergency babysitter number for him, just in case....in case what?!?! Hell, it's four freakin' days with YOUR. OWN. KIDS! If he went out of town, would I send the boys away or hire a sitter? Ummmmmmm.....no! And I am with them all the darn time. Moms and Dads are just wired so differently. He is a great dad, and they will all be fine. And yes, I did leave two pages of notes. And yes, I did set out pre-approved outfits to last the whole time I am gone...with additional alternate wardrobe changes. As I admit all this, I am reminded of just how much I really need this trip. I feel responsible for so much and so many. I am a control freak. I thrive on a plan and a routine. And sometimes I just need to let it all go for a few days & soak up the sun, read a trashy magazine or a good book, and have some drinks and laughs with my buddies. Sometimes I need to just let my kids wear whatever the hell they want to...and not worry about them being perfectly matched or seasonally appropriate. I need to let My Baby's Daddy figure out what to pack the boys for lunch on his own...and if he gets it "wrong" know that it's only one meal out of their whole life. But that's just not me!

This weekend, I will enjoy the part of me who is carefree & has no imminent responsibilities. I will not think about the extra calories I consume, or about the pile of laundry that will await me at home. This girl won't be worried about schedules, doctor's appointments, or homework.

I will call home, but just because I love them & want to hear their voices. Not because I need to remind them of "one more thing." I will bring home surprises. I will be covered in kisses. I will not want to leave them again....until next year!