An open letter...

To the guy at Arby's looking at me like I'm something on the bottom of your shoe,





First of all, I don't know what crawled up your ass...but I would really appreciate if when you see me & my adorable and fabulous children ordering up some lunch, you would follow the lead of 98% of the free world and smile. I mean, seriously...how could you help it? A loving, energetic, and fun mom out to lunch with her two handsome boys. It's the stuff songs are written about.





....Ohhhhhh, then was it this?





Yeah, so, I've got my kid on a harness. I can't believe it, either. See, the President was your textbook first-born, compliant, good-natured, well-behaved, over-achiever. All the positive, hyphenated words totally apply to him.



Fat Baby is the one who inspires t-shirt slogans like, "If I'd have had the second one first, he'd be an only child!" He is 110% boy. He is loud, and rough, and stubborn. He's afraid of nothing. He can be on top of the refrigerator in 8 seconds flat. Like Houdini, he can disappear in a flash. He is also gorgeous, charming, sweet, funny, snuggly, and smart. Everything comes easily to him. He is a mama's boy. I love every part of him with my whole being.



But, yeah, he's on the harness. Thank the Good Lord Up Above for the harness. I love love love the harness. It's cute. It doubles as a back-pack. He digs it. It gives him the freedom he longs for, and gives me peace of mind, knowing that we are connected and I can't lose him. Hopefully, it'll help keep him from breaking stuff and getting hurt, too.



But you know what, Mr. Have-Some-Lunch-and-Head Back-to-My-8-Hour-a-day-Job? If you were with my kids 24/7 with no lunch break, no sick days, and couldn't remember the last time you even went to the bathroom alone--you might just look for something to help make your job a little easier, too. And, I'm sure you would feel like a damn genius for thinking of it. How dare you look at my babies and me with that condescending scowl. I am raising the future leader of our country, and trying to keep his little brother from a life of crime that would cut short his political aspirations. When Fat Baby is playing for the NFL, we might just hunt you down and kick your ass. So, cut a sister some slack, would'ya?