Faking It

I am so not a morning person. And I really hate it when my bladder wakes me up just before I'm supposed to get up & then I can't go back to sleep. So, this morning I stumbled to the potty in a drool-coated, incoherent stupor--hoping to be able to crawl back between the sheets and pick up where I left off. Ahhh...I was dozing all snug and cozy when I became aware of my husband's arm reaching over The President (who was sleeping between us) and giving me a little pat. So sweet, I thought. I wonder how often he does this when I'm really asleep & I never even know...awwww!

I continued to try to get that last hour of sleep...hello, it was still DARK outside for the love of God! My Baby's Daddy is still rubbing my head, so sweetly. Next thing I know, I sense a shift in positioning. He is MOVING The President to his side of the bed, and is weasling into the middle next to me. I know where this is going.

(A little side note: because The President is so frequently in our bed, we sometimes have to relocate for marital aerobics. Our guest room is called "The Love Shack." )

By now, I am wide-ass awake, but thought I would just see what happens. Is he just being snuggly and sweet? OH COME ON, NOW! We've been married over 10 years--he is going to try & work him up a piece.

Still pretending to sleep, I feel him wiggling around next to me. Oh my GAWD, I know he did not just take off his drawers with my baby in the bed! I can't confirm that the drawers are indeed off, because: 1. I am still pretending to be asleep to see what happens and 2. my back is toward him.

By now I am trying not to laugh, and am having a hard time holding it in. I can't wait to see what his strategy will be...then, all of a sudden--I FARTED on him!!! (Hey, we've been together a long time & we had Mexican last night!) That was it!!!! I busted out laughing, like hysterical crying laughter! I even snorted a few times. I could not stop! He didn't know if I was laughing or crying...remember, he thought I was asleep. I laughed so loud that I woke up The Pres (also not a morning person).

When I come to my senses and look around, I realize he is wearing underwear. "Ummm, hey--thought you took those off, honey." Apparently they had just gotten twisted, and he was just adjusting. Who says romance is dead?