Grits With Cheese

Bring in the New

2009-01-10T10:00:00.004-06:00

I am so glad that Christmas is over. I know that it's the "most wonderful time of the year" and all that, but...I almost had a full-blown panic attack the first time I heard Christmas music on the PA at Wal-Mart. (The day after HALLOWEEN). I am easily overwhelmed by the hype, expectation, and frantic pace that has become associated with the holiday celebrating the quiet birth of our Savior.

I did enjoy my children's growing awareness of the true meaning of the season. We talked often of God's love for us and sending His son to earth as a baby to someday die for our sins. I also absorbed every second of the magic of Santa, and loved to see things through their eyes.

One night, as is our family's tradition, we rode around in our pajamas and looked at Christmas lights. There is a really spectacularly tacky one about 20 miles from here that we visit every year. When we passed a huge nativity display with a spotlight, Fat Baby surprised us by singing in his booming toddler voice, "Away in a Manger, no crib for a bed, the wittle Word Jesus lay down his sweet head..."
I didn't even know he knew the whole song! Those were the blessings of the season.

I enjoyed Christmas shopping and lunch out with my dad every Friday. (To be replaced in the new year with just lunch out!)

I bought a pre-lit Christmas tree last year, and it is just right. I love the way it looked, and made the room so cozy. The ornaments I collect each year tell our family's story. And I love that.

So, while I often felt like a total Scrooge, it was a great Christmas with many blessings. We were all healthy and happy, and got to see all our family.

In the new year, I have resolved to concentrate on living by the fruits of the spirit. They are: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23). I'm working with the boys on this, too.

Since things have slowed down, I have made it a point to take time to enjoy my boys while they are still "little boys." Of course, Fat Baby always has something to make me laugh (or cry, often both at the same time).

During breakfast one morning, he had MAN GAS. I mean, I could not believe this big poot came out of his little body. Of course, he and The President found it hysterically funny. When I composed myself enough to remind him to say, "Excuse me," Fat Baby told me, "that was my bubble poop."

And yesterday morning when he came to snuggle with me in my bed, he slipped as he was trying to climb in. He said, "Oh, I dropped me!"

Remember to take joy in the small things in this new year!

Holiday Cheer

2008-12-10T17:25:00.004-06:00

We took the boys to visit The Jolly One a few weeks ago. That's the one part of holiday insanity that I checked off the list early. Wanna hear what's not done? Christmas cards, most of my shopping, any gift wrapping, house cleaning, online ordering, and magical moments of merriment. Whatever.

So we're waiting in line to visit St. Nick, about six people from the front of the line. Fat Baby waves his arms and yells with his booming voice, "HEY SANTA!!!!! IT'S US!!!! THE PRESIDENT AND FAT BABY!"

I think it's cool that my kids have never been frightened of Santa. I have great pictures of both of them every year. Of course, being the kind of mom I am--I would love the screaming in terror pictures, too. (Maybe even more).

Apparently the preschool is using the whole "most wonderful time of the year" thing to bribe the munchkins into behaving well. Who can blame them? If I had to be up there every day, I'd pull out every kind of bribery known to man. So, yeah Santa's watching, who's on the good list and all that...and here's proof.

I pick up the boys from school and it's an immediate and constant battle.

"He's touching me!"

"Make him be quiet!"

"That's MINE!"

So when I heard "Fat Baby won't let go of my ear!", I pulled down my rear-view mirror and said, "Put your hands in your lap. Do not touch your brother. I am watching you."

To which Fat Baby replied, "You're not Sanda Cwause and you're NOT watching me!"

And a bonus, since I missed the Halloween time frame:

Me: "What do you say when you ring the doorbell on Halloween, Fat Baby?"

FB: Dick or Treat!

Thankful

2008-11-27T06:15:00.004-06:00

We're just going to overlook the fact that it's been two months since I posted & pick up where we left off, okay? I want to tell you about the cute things Fat Baby has said, how The President makes me proud, how My Baby's Daddy drives me up the freaking wall, but I'm keeping him and how Pop keeps me on my toes...and I will. But today, it's all about Thanksgiving and I'm in the mood for a kind of sappy post. (That is so not me...maybe I'm PMSing or just falling into the holiday magic, I don't know).
I grew up in North Alabama. Actually, I'm from the same small town as the country group Alabama. Their music naturally makes me think of home. Yesterday, just after we passed the county line, the song "My Home's in Alabama" came on the radio. How cool is that?

As it was playing, I thought of growing up here and holidays past. (A little background: When I was in college, my grandmother remarried after having been widowed for 13 years. She lives in her husband's home nearby. My sister and her children live in my grandmother's house. This house was rebuilt in the 1950s after fire destroyed my mom's childhood home. It is on the farmland owned by my grandfather's family, where grew up. That's where we're having Thanksgiving dinner.)

I couldn't help but think how wonderful a blessing it is that my children can today watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade in the living room of that house, just like I did every year. (My sister & I always spent the night with my grandparents the night before Thanksgiving. My grandmother cooked all day, and we could do whatever we wanted. Yay grandparents!)

I can still see the furniture in that room clearly in my mind. I can see my Nana in the kitchen, smiling and laughing. I can see the console sewing machine that I don't remember being used for sewing, ever. It sat underneath the black rotary dial phone (the only phone in the house), and the cabinet made a perfect size tabletop for the holiday sherbet and ginger-ale punch.

This year, my grandmother is 81 years old. Until I was 18 years old, my sister and I were the only two grandchildren she had. My uncle (who started his family late in life) lives in Virginia, so those cousins weren't just 10 minutes away like we were. My grandmother has spoiled us rotten our whole lives. Shamelessly, lovingly, and totally. She is awesome. Until recently, she has been spry and active. She now suffers from increasing dementia and doesn't get around as well as she used to. She is thin, and doesn't eat much. (I spent 8 hours baking because I know she will have the sweets, if nothing else).

This year, all her children and grandchildren will be in her home for Thanksgiving dinner. My children will hopefully have a Thanksgiving memory that overlaps with all my Thanksgiving memories.

Today we will have a huge holiday dinner with our whole family and some extra friends. (Thanksgiving is the best time to include people who need some family). We will pray, we will laugh, and we will eat massive quantities of the delicious food of my childhood. The same crazy relatives will do the same predictable things they do every year. (My mom & I thought it would make a great drinking game to predict the things people will do & say and then you have to drink when they do it! We don't drink at my family Thanksgiving festivities, but that's going to change when I'm in charge...) I will need my fat pants. There will be laughter of children, football games to watch, and naps to take. I will be a grown up who won't sit down and relax until the dishes are done, and everything is tidy. Fat Baby will sneak over to the dessert table and sneak a cookie when he thinks I'm not looking. My Baby's Daddy will pile his plate high and eat every bite. The President will entertain everyone with his wry sense of humor. And I am so thankful.

Menu Plan Monday...something old, something new

2008-09-08T11:26:00.007-05:00

I really knocked it out of the park on Saturday & Sunday this week...I hope that doesn't mean it can only go downhill from here!

Saturday: fish fry--yummy,lightly breaded talapia, fresh-cut fries, and coleslaw

Sunday: Chicken Manicotti (my friend's recipe...actually, it's more a process than a recipe--see below for more info) salad with feta cheese & homemade vinaigrette, toasted garlic baguette

Monday: I'm tired of being in the kitchen. There are 15 pounds of chicken pasta in the fridge. Help yourself.

Tuesday: I'm working, and The President has karate at 6:15. I'll put a pot roast with veggies in the crock pot, so dinner will be ready when we get home.

Wednesday: (Unless I change my mind) baked pork chops, rice pilaf, green beans...zzzzz

Thursday: Chicken Enchiladas...maybe

Friday: Something fun & easy, preferably not cooked by me!

Chicken Manicotti

Manicotti is a pain in the butt to stuff, so my friend just uses bow tie or spiral pasta instead...unless she's really trying to impress someone. I used rotini noodles, and it worked great!

*Fry & crumble 6-7 slices bacon, set aside
*Slice 5-6 chicken breasts in strips/ bite size pieces. Season with salt & pepper, Italian seasoning, red pepper flakes, etc. Saute in olive oil until browned. (I minced two cloves of fresh garlic and added that to the pan, as well.
*Boil noodles and drain.
*When chicken is cooked through, remove from pan. Melt down the following ingredients (in the pan with the chicken juices) until it "looks right." I didn't measure a single thing:
*1 can cream of chicken soup
*1 block cream cheese
*sour cream (some)
*shredded parmesan cheese
*thin and smooth with half & half, if needed

*Mix everything together, put in a casserole dish and top with more cheese. Even for my family of 5, we ate less than half of this. It's nice to have left-overs for tonight & lunch for work tomorrow.

We may save the chicken enchiladas for next week. Here's the recipe anyway:

· 1 ½ lb. flank steak OR 1 lb. Shrimp OR 3 c. shredded cooked chicken
· 2 c. shredded cheese (we use a Mexican blend)
· 1 8-oz. Can diced green chiles
· 1 c. sour cream
· ½ c. sliced green onions
· 1 small can sliced black olives (optional)
· 1 19-oz. Can enchilada sauce
· 1 package large corn or flour tortillas
Season flank steak to taste with salt & pepper. Bake in oven at 250° for 30 minutes (until thermometer reads 160°). Let stand for a few minutes, then slice across the grain into strips. (For shrimp enchiladas, we buy the shrimp steamed, then just peel & add to dish.) Combine beef, chicken, or shrimp with sour cream, diced chiles, onion, black olives, and 1 ½ c. of shredded cheese. Mix well. Place about 1/3 c. of the meat mixture down the center of each tortilla. Roll to enclose filling and place enchiladas seam side down in 9x13 dish (sprayed with non-stick cooking spray). Pour sauce over the enchiladas. Cover the pan with foil and bake covered at 350° for 30 minutes. Remove cover, sprinkle with remaining cheese, and bake uncovered until cheese melts.

Don't forget to visit Organizing Junkie for more menus!

Menu Plan Monday, Football & Labor Day...feels like fall!

2008-08-31T16:23:00.008-05:00

I've been doing weekly menu planning for a few months now, and I'm amazed at how much time and money I end up saving by just taking time to plan. I love to make one major grocery shopping trip each week, and to know what's on hand for the evening meal...even if I sometimes have to modify the plan if something comes up.

Here's what's cooking this week:

Saturday: grilled ribeye steaks, homemade steak fries, salad with balsamic vinaigrette and feta cheese, strawberry shortcake

(Doesn't that sound like a holiday meal? Hellooooo...it's the opening day of SEC football! Roll Tide, y'all. *Notice I made a dessert in our team's colors in honor of the first game of the season)

Sunday: slacker day--hot dogs & smoked sausage on the grill, chips, pickles, I might open a can of baked beans

Monday: Labor Day barbecue--ribs, corn on the cob, coleslaw, potato salad

Tuesday: baked chicken, macaroni & cheese, cucumber salad

Wednesday: breakfast for dinner--biscuits, gravy, thick cut peppered bacon, tomatoes, scrambled eggs

Thursday: fried cube steak, green beans, new potatoes

Friday: pizza night or dinner out

I'm getting in a rut! Help! I'd love some new ideas for dinner...I feel like we have the same things over & over again. I'll be checking out Organizing Junkie, and so should you!

Mr. Personality & More Not Politics

2008-08-31T16:01:00.002-05:00

The President (my son, not the actual president of the United States) has been on a roll lately. I never know what he's going to say, but he always cracks me up. This morning, I was teaching Sunday School for the age group just above his. I let him sit in with me because many of his friends were moving up to that class for the first time. With several new children, I suggested everyone would have a chance to introduce and tell a little about themselves.

It was a pretty typical exercise. You know, one person mentions they have a new puppy and a four-wheeler...so everyone has a new puppy or they're getting a new puppy and a four-wheeler.

Until my kid. "My name is The President and I like cheese and sometimes I can point my eyes in two different directions."

I heart him.

Later, during our lesson we were to name examples of disasters our country has faced and how we can support others in their time of need.

My question: "Who can name a disaster that has happened in our country?"

My child's response: "When Clinton bought real estate?"

I can't make this stuff up.

What Will He Think of Next?

2008-08-28T13:16:00.003-05:00

I know everyone thinks their kids are the cutest, smartest, most-well behaved...and all that. So, it will come as no surprise when I share how funny, imaginative, and smart my children are.

Yesterday morning, the boys dressed and lined up their favorite animals from Build-a-Bear Workshop on the kid-sized sofa in their room. Then, The President informed me that since I had "nothing to do all day" it would be my job to teach his "sons" while he was away at school.

Sure, I'd be glad to...now put on your shoes! Eat breakfast! Brush your teeth! Don't forget your backpack! And so another day begins.

When we'd been home from school for a couple of hours, he asked me "what the boys learned today?" Huh? Oh...I had forgotten my promise to mold the minds of his best pals.

"Ummm, uh, we sang the alphabet song, and counted, and then talked about how bees (the theme of The President's second grade classroom) gather nectar & make honey."

"What kind of pictures did you show them?"

You've got to be kidding me. I'm being held accountable for my lesson plans & use of visual aids for stuffed animals? Seriously.

I told him that we didn't have time to get to that.

"That's right," he said. "It is just the first day."

So, today I propped up a book about dinosaurs in front of the animals...maybe he'll be impressed that I remembered my teaching responsibilities.

This probably could be a second post, but it is kind of along the same lines....and I'm in a hurry to go pick up Fat Baby at preschool.

The President found a nice, smooth river rock that he named aptly, Rocky. We drew a face, hair & a moustache on Rocky with a sharpie, and he's been pretty popular around here lately.

School has been in session three weeks now, and My Baby's Daddy has not been at home at all in the mornings, and has missed the majority of meals served in the evening. He works in a sales job, but also does real estate part-time. The market is crappy right now, so if he's seeing clients and making deals I say, "Your plate will be in the microwave when you get home."

But it's harder for children to understand when a parent is "never home." The President wants to spend time with Dad (a.k.a. "the FUN parent"). Last night, My Baby's Daddy got home as I was orchestrating bath time for the boys. When The President put on his PJs, he collected Rocky, brought him to our room and announced, "Dad, Rocky wants to buy a house." (Smart kid to put together the way to get dad's attention). It was so cute to listen to them:

My Baby's Daddy: Has Rocky been to the bank?

The Pres: Oh, yeah...a couple of times.

MBD: So, he's prequalified. How much does he want to spend?

TP: Fifteen thousand or two hundred.

The finally drew up a contract, and had some great time together. I am looking forward to a long week-end of more moments like these. And help with bath time. And no lunches to pack. And no carpool line. And...

A Post Not About Politics

2008-08-27T08:52:00.003-05:00

If you've read this blog for any length of time, you know that my 8 year old son is determined to be the President of the United States. He asked for a desk and a "world ball" (globe) from Santa when he was 5 years old. He's like Alex P. Keaton with attitude. This is not something we've pushed him to do at all, but we do love that our son has the confidence and intelligence to pursue lofty goals.

Now I feel compelled to say this: I do not like to discuss politics. I don't want you to judge my beliefs (that's why I keep them to myself), and I don't want to hear you preach yours (whether they are the same or different than mine). And many times, I've been in the worst possible situation--where someone is spouting their political beliefs, assuming yours are the same. That being said, this post does not necessarily reflect my own personal political opinions. I am open-minded and fair, and do not attempt to inflict my beliefs onto others--even my own child. His opinions are his alone. And while they are sometimes rooted in immature thinking (I'm voting for so-and-so because I like the way his name sounds, or he went to college at my favorite school), I'm teaching him to gather information, watch the news, and form his opinions accordingly. Keep in mind, however, that we do have an outspoken, "old school" grandparent who lives with us.

I'm often surprised at how much The Pres has learned about our country's government and current events. This was his reaction to the Democratic National Convention coverage this morning:

(News footage of Hillary Clinton on the Today show) "I thought Clinton got flushed down the toilet like a turd...so, what's she doing on the news?"

Menu Plan Monday...already?

2008-08-24T18:14:00.010-05:00

Well, at least the fact that I've committed to participate in Menu Plan Monday keeps me posting once a week. I really intended to put up another post before now, but it's been a long and challenging week. I can feel the funny coming, though...I promise!

Here's what we're eating this week. If you're looking for inspiration, there are hundreds of menu planners on Organizing Junkie.

Saturday: Thanks to Tropical Storm Fay, we enjoyed a cozy, rainy day at home...and Pop cooked his legendary beef stew. Not only is this a taste of my childhood, but it is just perfection in a bowl. If anyone from the Campbell's soup corporation is reading...we might be willing to negotiate a deal, for the right price! He also made corn bread.

Sunday: Church and more rain...finished the stew left-overs, and my "Oh, Boy Cheesecake" (recipe below)with cherry topping for dessert.

Monday: Sausage and Wild Rice Casserole (recipe below), green beans.

Tuesday: Spaghetti with meat sauce, salad.

Wednesday: Oven-baked chicken or pork chops (I have both in the freezer), macaroni & cheese (we were supposed to have last week, had stewed potatoes instead), steamed broccoli.

Thursday: Steak fajitas, refried beans, rice.

Friday: Dinner out or pizza night.

Sausage & Wild Rice Casserole
· 1 pound sausage (mild)
· 1 can cream of chicken soup
· 1 carton sour cream
· 1 box Uncle Ben’s long grain wild rice
· 1 can sliced water chestnuts

Cook rice according to directions. Crumble and brown sausage and drain. Add soup, sour cream, and chestnuts (I usually cut them in half). Pour over rice in a buttered (I use non-stick spray) casserole dish. Bake at 350° for 30 minutes.

Oh Boy, Cheesecake!
This is a crowd-pleasing, award-winning, deceptively easy recipe. Even though I share the recipe freely, my friends always want me to make it. And, about the name...
When we were teen-agers, my friend (sweet girl, but a real airhead) was over at my house. We were in the kitchen when my sister & her future husband (now her ex-husband) came in. They opened the refrigerator & saw that Mom had made this dessert. The future ex-brother-in-law said, “Oh boy, cheesecake!” Months later sweet airhead friend asked me, “When is your Mom going to make another one of those Oh Boy Cheesecakes?” That has been the name of this dessert ever since!

· 1 8 oz. Cream cheese
· 1/3 c. sugar
· 1 8 oz. Sour cream
· 1 8 oz. Cool whip
· 1 Tbs. Lemon juice (optional-I use fresh lemon juice)
· 1 tsp. Vanilla flavoring
Combine cream cheese and sugar until smooth. Add sour cream, mix. Fold in cool whip, add lemon juice and vanilla. Pour in large graham cracker crust. Chill. Top with blueberry or cherry pie filling, if desired.

Back to School & Menus

2008-08-18T13:34:00.003-05:00

I wish I had the hours of free time I had envisioned when school started to keep you entertained with one funny and compelling post after another...but, yeah, I'm not there yet. So, for now all I have to offer is Menu Plan Monday (hosted by Organizing Junkie). And the only reason it's done, is because I had to do the grocery shopping anyway.

Here goes:

Saturday: My mom, sister, and family visited. In honor of my birthday, we had a feast of various home-grown vegetables including my favorite FRIED GREEN TOMATOES! There was also a four-layer chocolate dessert thing that was absolutely sinful.

Sunday: Mom brought tomatoes from my grandmother's garden. Try as I might, there was no way to eat them all before they went bad. So...Pop & I made homemade vegetable soup. We had it for dinner Sunday night & now have 8 more quarts in the freezer for the winter. It was my first time to do it, and I am very proud of the results. I may post pictures, because you know everything is a scrapbook opportunity! (The President loved helping, too!)

Monday: barbecue ribs (buy one-get one free @ Winn-Dixie), corn casserole, coleslaw

Tuesday: tacos

Wednesday: poppy seed chicken, rice, salad

Thursday: salmon croquettes, English peas, mac & cheese

Friday: grilled hot dogs or pizza take-out

And you think you know somebody...

2008-08-08T09:58:00.003-05:00

I don't write enough about my BFF. It's really a great story, but one for another day. Here's the Cliff's Notes. We only lived in the same town for one year (when we were in the 9th grade). She's one of those people who God set down in my life because she was meant to be "my person." Forever. We've had a long-distance friendship for more than twenty years, and we talk several times a week. She is one of the few people I do talk to regularly over the phone. She is not a computer person. In fact, only in the last year did she get her "own" e-mail address. So, my love of all things online weren't part of our relationship. She doesn't even know about the blog, because she's not on the computer enough to read it (she stays pretty busy with four kids)& I tell her everything I post & more.

Slowly, she has become more of an e-mailer and internet-er. I was pleasantly surprised when I checked e-mail this morning, to see that she'd "found" me on Facebook (I can't resist a social networking site!) and requested that I add her as a friend.

I went to her profile and found I was her first "friend" on Facebook. And observed the following:

Name: Southern Fried Mom's BFF
Status: Married
Political Views: Republican
Religious Views: Christian
Interested In: Women

Snort! God Bless her sweet, naive heart! I know that she was thinking that she wanted the world to know she wasn't intersted hooking up or finding a man...BUT. Anyway, I quickly called & her husband answered. I said, "I'm calling to save your wife from herself!"

Breaking News from Potty-Gate

2008-08-06T07:51:00.002-05:00

Due to various insanity and over-scheduling, I was unable to do my grocery shopping on Saturday as I have been. Therefore, when my children asked for scrambled eggs Monday morning, there were no eggs. Cereal? No milk. Pop-tarts? Uh-uh. So....I was forced to forage for food with my two "assistants." We had several errands to run, went to lunch, and hit Wal-Mart and the grocery store. Since I'm neither an idiot nor a glutton for punishment, I made the Executive Decision to put Fat Baby in a pull-up (actually a Good Nights, because he out-weighs the pull-ups now!) Anyway...as soon as we got home, I took him to the potty and resumed his underwear wardrobe. Which was fine for the rest of the afternoon.

UNTIL...I was in the middle of cooking dinner. As my menu plan post states, I was planning to fry okra for my sweet daddy. (He doesn't ask for much). So, I have roast in the oven, potatoes boiling to be mashed, peas cooking, and my electric skillet (a kitchen essential) filled with hot oil awaiting the lightly breaded fresh okra.

At that moment... (Pop had helped me around the house all day & had just settled in for his retirement-earned daily nap)At that exact moment, when My Baby's Daddy was probably 45 minutes from arriving home...when I was the only available adult...Fat Baby rounded the corner with his underwear inside-out in his hand. FULL. OF. POOP!!!! Poop was spread all over his arms & legs from the process of his removing the offensive underwear. And where was he when he decided to remove his poopy pants? The TOP BUNK!

I very nearly had a nervous breakdown. But, as Moms (who have no choice) do, I cleaned the mess, scrubbed myself as if I were going to perform surgery, and resumed cooking dinner.

Yesterday, he went to preschool (in underwear---how else is he going to learn?) and he stayed clean ALL DAY LONG! Hooray! Even with going out for The President's baseball team party, he was dry until bedtime. We might have turned a corner...but seriously, I deserved it.

Menu Plan Monday

2008-08-04T08:33:00.004-05:00

Well, it's already that time again...and we have a very busy week (as usual) coming up! Here's what's for dinner this week:

Saturday: hand-patted burgers with melted blue cheese, corn, marinated cucumber salad

Sunday: grilled smoked sausage dogs, chips

Monday: chuck roast, mashed potatoes, fresh field peas, fried okra (Pop's favorite food of the week last week!), cornbread

Tuesday: baseball team party @ local pizza buffet (that was easy!)

Wednesday: grilled pork chops, roasted rosemary new potatoes, steamed asparagus

Edited to add: when I went shopping I found lamb chops (one of my family's favorites) on sale, so we're having them instead...I am so looking forward to Wednesday!

Thursday: spaghetti with meat sauce, salad

Friday: pizza night or dinner out

Check out Organizing Junkie for more great dinner ideas!

Thoughts Before Naptime

2008-07-31T14:49:00.004-05:00

I am only half-functional today, so read at your own risk. The boys & I spent the day at an amusement/ water park yesterday. It was so much fun, but I am exhausted beyond belief. Here are some random thoughts for your entertainment:

1. Should I become independently wealthy, one of the first things I am going to do is to hire a full-time nanny/personal assistant. I took our regular babysitter with us to "funland" yesterday & got a taste of how the other half lives. How much more could I enjoy my kids with some full-time help? And, it wasn't just having someone around to do the grunt work, it's little things like passing out snacks (that I usually do while I drive) that made life so much easier. I could easily see the job transitioning into someone to be my helper when the kids no longer needed hands-on care. (I'm talking about this like it's actually going to happen...)

2. If you saw me at the Wal-Marts a while ago, let me apologize if I frightened you. I know I look rough today, but it's Wal-Mart, okay?

3. While we were out, we needed to grab some lunch. The President wanted to have Chinese. When he has eaten Chinese, it has almost always been a buffet where he could try little bits & pieces of different things. I didn't know what he might order from the nearby menu-order only place, so I was describing things he might like. I said, "You would probably like sweet & sour chicken. It's fried chicken that you dip into a red sauce, kind of like chicken nuggets." He said, "Mom, I can't order American at a Chinese place...that would be disrespecting their flag." Well, duh, why didn't I think of that? We went to McDonald's because a) Fat Baby didn't want Chinese b)it's in the Wal-Mart, and c)I was ready to come home & be slovenly.

4. Potty-gate is still going strong. Fat Baby is very soon going to be four. years. old. He's not so much into the big boys go potty thing. At all. I am now potty trained--I go every 30 minutes and force him to tinkle. (Which he will do, but it has to be my idea). He has never(!) initiated a trip to the potty. Seriously. This is getting old. He is wearing underwear every day, and it is a constant battle to keep him dry. Lately, the pull-up he wears to sleep has been leaking. Big time. Not fun when said 4-year-old happens to be in your bed at the time. It was just what his diapers would do each time I had to move up to the next size. Luckily, there are Good Nights that go up to 65 pounds, because that's what he's going to be wearing tonight. And during the day, I'll just wash underpants until the cows come home and until he figures out how this all works. (Disclaimer: I did have a child who was completely potty trained with no accidents two weeks after his 3rd birthday, so this is not all my fault!) Fun times!

Menu Plan Monday

2008-07-26T19:19:00.006-05:00

I actually plan my meals and shop on Saturday morning, so that's why my menu plan is Saturday-Friday. (This will most likely change when school starts back and I can shop alone(!) through the week.) This is my first "official" Menu Plan Monday post. (Hi, Organizing Junkie readers!) One of these days, I'll make something totally fabulous & share the recipe(s). If you see something here that you don't know how to make, e-mail me and I'll send you recipes/ instructions. Here's what we're eating at the Southern Fried House of Fun this week:

Saturday: steak, baked potatoes, salad

Sunday: veggie dinner--we were hoping to score some great produce at a local farmer's market, but ended up with our usual produce stand's offerings--fried okra, mashed new potatoes, coleslaw, cornbread, sliced onion & tomatoes, cucumbers marinated in olive oil & vinegar, meat totally not missed!

Desert of the week: Sunday night--homemade peach pie with fresh, locally grown peaches...yum!

Monday: teriyaki pork kabobs, rice pilaf (left-overs for my lunch work on Tuesday)

Tuesday: tacos with homemade guacamole & pico de gallo

Wednesday: the boys & mom will be at an amusement/ water park all day, and could be late getting home...dinner on your own night!

Thursday: crispy oven-baked chicken, mac & cheese, green beans

Friday: probably dinner out or pizza night

Just a reminder...

2008-07-24T10:35:00.003-05:00

...of why being a Mom is the greatest job ever. The boys & I are lying across my bed, making a "President sandwich" (as he is the one being squished in the middle). Fat Baby puts his chubby little arms around both of us & covers us with sloppy kisses. After that it was an all-out smooch fest, which (as it always does with boys) led to a wrestling match. As we alternately grabbed, poked, and smooched each other, Fat Baby said, "You guys are the best buddy evers!"

Train Wreck

2008-07-24T08:38:00.002-05:00

I think my fascination with Jon & Kate Plus 8 has been pretty well documented. I've seen pretty much every episode, and I constantly record it. I will re-watch an episode I've already seen. I've gotten some good ideas from the show...and like much of America, I've had those "oh, no she did--n't!" moments regarding Kate. I will be the first one to say far be it from me to judge someone with four times(!) more kids than me. That's like 5 more Fat Babies!!!! God help me, just thinking about it! So, sometimes I will give her a pass. I've done things with the second (challenging, strong willed) kid I would not have dreamed doing with the first one. Including losing my cool a lot more.

I can relate to Kate when she snaps at her babies' daddy....because sometimes you just have to do that with the daddy people. I'm glad that there aren't cameras rolling around here all the time. The difference is I understand the concept of respect and have learned to call My Baby's Daddy out in private...and not demean him in front of other people, holler at him across a public venue, and surely not in front of millions of television viewers across the country.

But still...I watch. And I will continue to watch. I am so hooked. I won't bore you with my opinions on each and every "character" on the show, but rest assured I have opinions about all of them. I love "reality" tv.

Here's my point (and I do have one). I stumbled across a new blog last night called "What Would Kate Gosselin Do?" Automatic must-read. And when I did, I stayed up until the wee hours of the morning googling and reading other blogs on the subject. I'll let you explore the internet for your own entertainment. If you watch the show, I will say that it is worth your time to review the post regarding the alleged blog by Aunt Jodi's sister....and follow the link! Great reality tv gossip & controversy! Draw your own conclusions. And leave me a comment & let me know if you're a fan of the show, too!

Blessings

2008-07-21T20:39:00.005-05:00

I'm sitting here in the office all alone (a rare treat, definitely)...I'm doing some work, reading some blogs, and counting my blessings. God has grown me so much spiritually in the past two years, and I am excited to be on the verge of many great things in spite of great challenges my family has faced. I'm so thankful for my wonderful family. I'm grateful for the opportunity I've had to spend time with my boys this summer. I'm living in the moment. Thanking Him for all He has given to me.

Then, from the boys' room I hear sweet voice of my 8 year old telling his brother, "Sorry doesn't pay the rent!"

Evidence once again that God has a sense of humor.

Cheap and Easy

2008-07-20T16:24:00.004-05:00

My new lifestyle make-over is going great. It takes my type-A tendencies, love of lists, planning, and organization and smooshes it all together with saving money (a new concept, no?), quality family time, and stress reduction. I am still on board.

It took a pretty good chunk of time Saturday, but I planned my menu for the week, and then reviewed all the sale flyers, to see where I should shop for the best deals. I ended up with three grocery stops, but after spending $175.55 total, I saved $66.31!

Here's the scoop...I shopped Wal-Mart for probably 75% of my items. Paper towels, snack foods, and basic canned goods and other staple items will be cheaper there most of the time. But my local W-M store's produce and meat are horrible. I won't buy either there. I only saved a little $$ at Wal-Mart with coupons (try coupons.com) so my biggest savings was $1.50 off swim diapers. (Tell me about it...Fat Baby should totally not even need them any more...but you try to tell him not to poop in the YMCA pool & see how that works out for you!)

Then, I hit Winn-Dixie for my meat and produce needs. I bought two chuck roasts at $23 and change...buy one get one free. They were GINORMOUS--so, I made the investment, cut them in half, and have one for this week (recipe below) and now have THREE MORE servings in the freezer. I also bought country style ribs on buy one-get one, (more freezer stocking) which Pop will barbecue to sheer perfection!

Finally, Food World has 12-pack cans of coke products, 4 for $11. They also had a coupon in their flyer for $2 off milk (huge score!) when you buy two boxes of poptarts (2 for $5). Now, I'm stocked up with "emergency" breakfast-on-the-go food, and cheap milk.

I told My Baby's Daddy that it seemed kooky to go to three different grocery stores like some crazy coupon freak. He reminded me of the Dave Ramsey motto, "Live like no one else, so you can live like no one else." True that. Besides, all the stores are close to home and each other. I didn't really go out of my way. And by shopping on a Saturday---no kids to schlep in and out, it was pretty quick. I also had a really good list.

Here's the menu for the week, with a great easy recipe.

Sunday: grilled pork chops, rice pilaf, green beans
Monday: spaghetti with meat sauce, salad
Tuesday: country style ribs, cole slaw, corn
Wednesday: crock pot barbecue sandwiches, chips
Thursday: BLTs or gumbo (in freezer from great restaurant at the beach)
Friday: beef brisket (barbecued by Pop...yum-already in freezer) or dinner out

Crock Pot Barbecue
· 3 c. chopped celery
· 1 c. chopped onion
· 1 c. ketchup
· 1 c. barbecue sauce
· 1 c. water
· 2 Tbsp. vinegar
· 2 Tbsp. Worcestershire sauce
· 2 Tbsp. brown sugar
· 1 tsp. chili powder
· 1 tsp. salt
· ½ tsp. pepper
· ½ tsp. garlic powder
· 3-4 lb. boneless chuck roast

Combine all ingredients except roast in slow cooker. Mix well and add roast to mixture. Cover. Cook on high 6-7 hours. Remove roast, cool and shred meat. Return to sauce and heat well. Serve on hamburger buns.

This is so very easy and yummy. It's great for a group, and always gets rave reviews.

Edited to add: This is a great website with unlimited resources for organizing your world!

Back...by popular demand

2008-07-16T17:59:00.004-05:00

Kind of. My friend Amy e-mailed to say she missed the blog. Only then did I realize another month had passed without a post. I am constantly blogging in my head. Too bad I didn't get it on here, y'all have missed some great stuff!

Indulge me a little while I catch you up with all the latest Southern Fried Family happenings.

I traveled out of state alone with the boys for the first time the 4th of July. My Baby's Daddy had some previous work commitments that kept him from being able to attend a great holiday weekend at my aunt's house on the lake. The road trip was pretty smooth, but being the only parent on hand with Fat Baby loose on an open body of water...not so much fun. I did get some great photos & memories...which I've been scrapbooking in my head. (I've accomplished a lot in my head, if not in real life!)

My Baby's Daddy & I enjoyed mindless appointment television by watching The Bachelorette this season. As long as creepy, stalker Jeremy didn't win I was okay with any other choice she made in the final three. I was relieved when she sent Graham home, too. She was so trying to make him be something he wasn't just because he was smokin' hot-a-licious. Eye candy does not a relationship make. I was rooting for Jason, but I'm okay with Jesse, especially since they did a little something with his hair.

In light of the recent sucky economy, I've been really paying attention to our spending and wasteful or unnecessary habits this summer. I sacrificed monthly pedicures in the name of economizing, and My Baby's Daddy gave up our lawn treatment service. I know I watch way too much Jon & Kate Plus 8, but I think that anything that works for a family of 10 could also benefit my family of 5. She feeds her family organic foods as much as possible, and takes a little time & effort to not just give them cheap crap.

One thing that really makes things easier for me is planning menus. I found a template on this website for simple menu planning. It makes shopping more efficient & helps my week flow more smoothly. I write any scheduled events on that day's grid (baseball 6:00 p.m., picnic lunch at pool, etc.) So I can look over the week & see that dinner should be easy & early on Tuesday, and I need to have sandwich ingredients on hand for Monday and Wednesday. Since I usually work on Tuesdays, I try to plan a dinner with left-overs Monday night to take for lunch. I've also been concentrating on using the perishable items I purchase each week. I actually made banana bread on Sunday rather than letting some fruit go bad & throwing it away.

I really feel good about making things fresh for my family instead of buying the quickest (and almost always less healthy) alternatives. It did occur to me in thinking about this lifestyle make-over....Kate is kind of forced to be at home all the darn time. Not the Southern Fried boys & me...if we get the house clean, we've gotta hit the door before somebody (or two somebodies) trashes it again. We like to get out & do things together. It's very do-able to participate in lots of fun activities with only two boys. If it took half the day to load my brood of kids in the car, I'd probably find more fun things to do with them at home. (They'd probably get more hot breakfasts & home-made treats, too....Monkey Munch anyone?)

Finally, we just celebrated The President's 8th birthday. We hosted a sleep-over with 6 boys. It was great! Even though my outdoor activities were rained out, they still had a blast. There was a karaoke talent show, movies, and lots of video games. I had the cutest red & white striped popcorn boxes for movie time...and the biggest hit of the evening was the make-your-own trail mix. I labeled red plastic cups with each boy's name & they could fill it with their choice of cereal, marshmallows, goldfish, raisins, gummy worms, milk duds, m&ms, etc. We all had so much fun. After a pancake breakfast, all the boys were picked up by 10:00 a.m.

On his actual birthday, The Pres wanted to make a new Build-a-Bear for his gift from us. So, we did that & had lunch at a Japanese steakhouse (also his choice). We were seated with a couple of older ladies who were less than thrilled to be sharing our festivities. One of them said, "Cute kids." Just like that. That was the extent of their enthusiasm. Even after Fat Baby walked in & said, "Excuse me wadies....it's the President's birthday!" How could they resist?

Summer Fun with Fat Baby

2008-06-18T16:37:00.004-05:00

I've been really making an effort to enjoy this summer with my boys. Last year was a blur, with one family crisis after another. Now things are moving along quite smoothly, and I'm much more able to consistently spend time with the boys. Our church has summer field trips for the children on Wednesdays, so we spent the day at Pump It Up today. (In case you aren't lucky enough to have a Pump It Up in your area...think big empty room full of inflatable jumpy things, obstacle courses, etc. with plenty of staff to supervise. Fabulous.) Since I am the coolest mom ever, I was all up in the bouncy house, and loved the rush of the giant slide. I think times like this are what make great memories for me & for them. I've been concentrating on just slowing down & living in the moment with them. (I'll go back & re-read this post when I'm online researching boarding schools for Fat Baby for K-4!)

While I'm making notes of my infinite blessings, I have to take a few minutes to also record some of my favorite summer Fat Baby moments. His personality is really emerging (the toddler version of Jim Belushi?) and he is always making me laugh...when he is not making me curse or drink.

While we were on the beach a couple of weeks ago, he walked up to a recently vacated beach chair in the middle of a girls' beach trip and proceeded to make himself the center of their universe. Since they were all moms, they completely understood. He was a hit--especially when he declared, "I like boobies!"

Also at the beach, he dipped his toe into the edge of the hot tub where I was sitting. He said, "Ouch! That's too hot!" And then he started blowing the hot tub to cool it off.

He has a very unique way of expressing himself...besides the fact that he has a big, booming voice. I am often asked, "Mom, who dat wittle guy is?" instead of "Who's that little guy?" He also says, "Can I will..." For example, "Can I will go outside?" or "Can I will have a cookie?" I love that one. The remote control is called the r-mote (pronounced are-moat), and he holds up the number three with his index finger, middle finger, and pinky. (Most people hold up index, middle, and ring finger). Oh, and a zebra---it's a BREEZA around here!

A Day Late...

2008-06-17T21:08:00.002-05:00

and, well, you know the rest. And actually, if I begin with my overdue thoughts on Father's Day, then it's really two days late and more than a dollar short. Whatever.

Father's Day was quiet and mellow around the Southern Fried House of Fun this year. After dinner, we relaxed on the deck while the kids played in the back yard. I made a strawberry and blueberry shortcake that Pop and My Baby's Daddy were crazy for. Trying to stay on track with my Weight Watchers plan, I opted for a dessert with less points and enjoyed a glass or three of Bug Juice, my new favorite wine. Yes, it really is a real wine. Google it.

Anyway, back to the Day of Dad...The circumstances of the past couple of years have brought me to a place I never imagined I would be. Having my dad come to live with us has been a total blessing. It wasn't a situation any of us chose, but I've learned through this ordeal that blessings rarely come easy! In spite of the emotional breaking down & rebuilding of our family (which I've never really blogged about for a number of reasons)...I have been given a relationship with my dad that I never would have otherwise. And how cool is it that my boys will always remember him as a part of their daily lives. I'm so thankful that on this Father's Day I was with all the men I love. I'm glad that My Baby's Daddy has a caring and loving heart to accept my father unconditionally as his own. I've grown so much personally & spiritually, and am thankful to be taking this journey with my dad.

2008-06-09T09:58:00.000-05:00

What is up with me?

2008-06-04T07:15:00.002-05:00

So, we are leaving for the beach tomorrow afternoon and I don't have a single thing packed. Sure, I've got my planny mcplan-plan categorized list all together like nobody's business...but it's now time to actually do something. I was even in the house all alone(!) last night (cue crickets) and all I did was pull out the boys' big overnight duffel bag. Tomorrow morning, I will go do all our grocery shopping (yes, I do have my list already done) before we leave, so we can go straight to the condo & unload.

Before Pop came to be a permanent part of our home, I always used the guest room as a "staging area" before a trip. Then, I could put stuff in there on the bed and close the door. When I returned it would still be there just as I left it. Now he lives there & I don't think he would appreciate sleeping under 40 pounds of our crap.

The kids are always in & out of my office, and there's really no place to put things where they wouldn't go in and plunder through it.

So, I'm sitting here at way-to-early a.m., unable to sleep but also unable to really do anything.

Oh, and I get to clean out the van of chaos & have the oil changed today. Joy. It's already about four thousand degrees outside, and have I mentioned I'm not motivated?

In case you're wondering if I've been abducted by aliens...I am so excited and have great things planned for this trip. Homemade pancakes for breakfast! Glow stick bracelets & necklaces for the kids to wear on the beach at night! And the coolest travel games from Target. (They're in the coolest vintage tins--magnetic tic-tac-toe & license plate scavenger hunt). I'm putting together a bag of entertaining items for restaurant waits, too. Ideas?

I know I will get it all done. And it will be fabulous. If you need me I'll be on the beach with a trashy book.

Need to get my Blog on...

2008-06-02T09:23:00.002-05:00

So, it's been a while. Again. I can't believe I did not post a single time in May. May is a blur. Beach trip. End of year stuff at school. New summer routine. Memorial Day week-end hogfest. I cooked my ass off that weekend. Fabulous. So, now it's list-making time again as the Southern Fried Family is headed to the beach. I heart the beach. Summer is my all-time favorite time of the year. Is that why my brain is turned to mush, and I can't think of a single entertaining thought to write about? Maybe.

Here are some hot topics I've been meaning to discuss:

Grey's Anatomy season finale. I don't hate them (the characters, because you know they're all real to me) as much as I did at the end of last season. I'm tired of them all being so whiny, wishy-washy, and so bound to screw up every good thing that might ever happen to them. Seems like we might be taking a step forward, which means there will probably be three steps back next season. I love McSteamy. I'm kind of over the DerMer thing...I really don't care if they stay together or not. They do kind of deserve each other.

Sex and the City movie. Loved it. Saw it with some girlfriends at the late show on opening night. Could watch it again, definitely. Would see the sequel. Just like watching the tv show for 2 1/2 hours on the big screen.

On a personal note, I'm getting ready to reunite with some girlfriends from high school at a party in my hometown later this month. I'm beyond excited. I haven't seen some of them in more than 15 years! Thanks to technology, I've connected with many old friends lately...so fun!

Now I have to get my kids out of the house, before they trash the place. Please leave me some love to inspire to get back to my blog!

Celebrating My Neuroses...

2008-04-27T15:55:00.007-05:00

Hi. Remember me? I used to write a blog here. If anyone is still checking in on my sorry ass, please be patient with me as it's the end of the school year and my calendar is double & triple-booked most days. Where did April go, anyway?

One reason I've been scarce is that we had a big blow-out bash for my friend who's moving in the next few weeks. It was last night & we managed to keep it a surprise. The party was great fun with friends who have also been neglected due to my crazy-ass schedule lately. We partied old-school, complete with a lot of booze, a band, and My Baby's Daddy upchucking after we got home at 1:15 a.m. He smelled like a damn brewery and I went to sleep in the bottom bunk in the boys' room. Good times.

I am now officially on the countdown to my annual girls' beach trip. Since it is less than two weeks away, today has been list-making day. Nothing makes me happier than a good list. Besides my list of what to pack, and what to do before I go, there is the Snack List. Some years we bring homemade snacks, and others we just buy everything when we get to the beach. But since fuel is forty bajillion dollars a gallon, we decided it would help our budget to bring some stuff from home. I tend to think of myself as The Queen of Snacks, and take my title quite seriously. I'm thinking of taking a couple of old favorites and debuting something new. Any ideas?

I also plan to take pre-made labels with everyone's name on them to stick on the ziplock bags when I (being a food snob, control freak, and born entertainer) make everyone's sandwich to enjoy on the beach. In years past, we've had to label them with a pen or some other crude and inferior method. People will either envy me or think I am a neurotic control freak. Whatever. If they want their damn sandwich, they'll sing my praises like a bunch of canaries. Don'tcha think?

Five Things

2008-04-13T15:27:00.004-05:00

Oh, I do so love me a good meme. And it's Sunday afternoon....and I was in the middle of a tedious and never-ending home organization project with My Baby's Daddy when he had to leave to go show a house. So, why shouldn't I take this opportunity to slack off while he's gone? Amy tagged me for this somewhere in between the stomach virus and catching up on the laundry, so I'm making time for it now.

Five things on my to-do list today...
1. Finish organizing my bedroom and closet. I must sleep in a non-chaotic environment. Tonight. This has been going on way too long.
2. Cook dinner. I have a pork tenderloin marinating a la a recipe from my BFF. Sounds yummy.
3. Keep the boys from killing each other. Or at least wear earplugs so I don't have to hear it.
4. Take Fat Baby to the potty every 30 minutes. Day Two in Big Boy Underpants. He has only had one major accident & a couple of "dribbles." Thank. You. Jesus.
5. Make tomorrow's to-do list. I am such a list-maker. Tomorrow's list will be much more fun than today's, what with everybody in school and all. It includes a trip to Victoria's Secret for bras, a trip to the fabric store, and other things that nobody else in my house cares about. Well...My Baby's Daddy does enjoy the VS thing...

Five snacks I enjoy...
1. Buffalo Chicken dip...if you're sweet, I'll post the recipe
2. Fiber One bars
3. Movie popcorn (Target's snack bar popcorn, a very close second)
4. Chocolate dipped strawberries
5. Pistachios

Five things I would do if I were a billionaire ...
1. Build my dream home
2. Help others
3. Travel
4. Hire help
5. Have my own talk show

Five bad habits...
1. Passive aggressive
2. Control freak
3. Can have a potty mouth
4. Become withdrawn when overwhelmed/stressed out/pissed off/ anxious
5. Compulsive eating

Five places I have lived ...
1. Fort Payne, AL
2. Millbrook, AL
3. Jacksonville, AL
4. Charleston, SC
5. Troy, AL

Five jobs I've had...
1. Burger King (drive thru operator)--me & polyester...not so much
2. Wal-Mart Jewelry Department--me & the dregs of humanity....not so much
3. Preschool Teacher/ Director--me & other people's kids...not so much
4. Volunteer Coordinator--left to be a SAHM, loved it
5. Grant Writer--perfect job for me! flexible, able to be with kids, work from home

I tag: Pink in a Sea of Blue, So Tired, Worker Mommy, and you...and you...

Biggest Loser Rants

2008-04-11T11:46:00.004-05:00

As promised, here's my two cents on the Biggest Loser. I can't believe I hadn't posted about the show earlier. This is the first Biggest Loser season I've watched, and it was DVR appointment television for me & My Baby's Daddy. I really liked so many of the contestants, and having battled weight issues myself, I am truly rooting for them all to be successful. That being said...

I thought Mark was going to be an a-hole. But then, he has become one of my favorites. In fact, I hope that he or Roger wins. Kelly is whiny and mealy-mouthed about everything. She doesn't have a positive attitude to me. She was one of my early favorites, but I do think she has been extremely lucky to even still be there.

Being a woman who has struggled with her weight, I would totally love for a woman to win...but...

Alli drives me freaking nuts. She has that flat, valley girl inflection when she talks. And she completely looks like a troll doll. You know I'm telling the truth. My Baby's Daddy is tired of hearing me scream, "She looks like a TROLL!!!!!" for two hours every week. He will be glad when it is over. But seriously. Go to the website & look. Tell me that girl doesn't look like a troll.

And speaking of Alli's that get on my nerves....I also can't stand the host of the show. That Alli has this stupid smirk the whole episode. And the dramatic and unnatural pauses she throws in! It kills me. I really want to slap that smirk off her face. It looks like she's trying not to laugh.

There are several reasons I'm rooting for Roger. First of all, he played football at the University of Alabama. The President is (of his own making) an obsessed Alabama fan. How can we not pull for the home team? Unfortunately my own alma mater recently fired Roger as assistant athletic director while he was on leave for the show. I'm pissed off at them. Not to mention how stupid it was from a PR perspective. You could've had a homecoming in your stadium with lots of national coverage about your employee & his success...the timing sucks for both Roger & the dumbasses who missed a great opportunity to showcase their athletic program. I love Roger's team spirit & his hard work. He has lost more weight on campus than any other contestant.

Mark has grown emotionally & his journey has been awesome to watch. I would be just as happy to see him win.

I'm glad I got all that off my chest...did anybody notice I have PMS?

Purging

2008-04-08T18:28:00.003-05:00

So, just one short week ago I could not move my head without tossing my cookies. I had a raging intestinal virus that was. not. pretty. The good news is that it helped out the WW weigh in last week & I've lost almost 25 pounds since January. I guess that's one reason there hasn't been an original and entertaining post around here in a while.

Upon my recovery, I resumed the tedious and much too labor-intense process of tackling the Spring 2008 Official To-Do List. It involves much organizing, decorating, and just plain old throwing crap away.

While I was recently away at a scrapbook week-end, My Baby's Daddy treated himself to a new bigass television, which he plopped on a new TV stand (very tasteful...which was a surprise. I never knew if he really had bad taste or was just cheap. I guess just cheap...although the stand wasn't. But it's to hold the new tv, so you know, no expense spared. Whatever. If he's going to freelance on furniture without approval, it better damn well be something I like. But I digress.) I am glad to see that he does have some taste deep down. I mean, I know he married me & all...I do love the new tv cabinet, so all's well.

Anyway, we now find ourselves with this big armoire that housed our old (normal sized) television. I have moved it into my our office, and it is being converted into a lovely home for scrapbooking supplies, gift wrap, stationery, and other essentials of life. It, and the room from which I blog, will soon be completely fabulous. For the first time, evah. Look for the quality and frequency of posts to improve. I've ~~stolen~~ found many great ideas on several of my new favorite blogs for inspiration.

So, I have plenty of projects to keep me busy until summer. At which time, I will be holding down a chair by the pool, occasionally glancing up from a good book to make sure both my children are above water. My Route 44 Diet Coke with Lime from Sonic ~~may or may not~~ will be topped off with Malibu coconut rum.

Edited to add: Please go to nbc.com and vote for Roger for the Biggest Loser finale! I will follow up with an in-depth Biggest Loser post, and tell you why I want to show Roger the love! (I love Mark, too--by the way!)

I love being a boys' mom...

2008-03-26T18:16:00.003-05:00

Because this afternoon, I was pelted in the back of the head while driving home from school with four stinky little socks. Just like their Southern Fried Mom, my boys love to get out of their shoes first thing.

Then, of course, they start with the foot-sniffing. They smell their own, they smell each-other's. If we were at home, they'd be smelling mine. (Please tell me that mine are not the only kids who do this!)

The President made the unlikely announcement that, "Fat Baby's feet smell like Cheez-Its!!!!"

Later, just after dinner, they began to antagonize and aggravate each other. Fat Baby began to whine/cry, and My Baby's Daddy gave him Man Advice. "You're as big as he is...go kick his butt!" (Thanks, MBD, for when I get the notes home from preschool that Fat Baby is threatening to kick people's butts!)

Fat Baby ran through the house like a tazmanian devil, chasing his evil big brother. Pop, unaware of all of this says, "Hey, Fat Baby...where are you going in such a hurry?"

His reply, "I've got to go kick that butt!!!"

What Not To Wear

2008-03-24T19:42:00.003-05:00

The Big Week Of Fun is over. Spring Break festivities came to a screeching halt as both boys returned to school today. Woohoo. Too bad I spent the whole everloving day in a doctor's office with Pop. Seriously. The appointment should have taken an hour, hour and a half tops---FOUR AND A FREAKING HALF HOURS! I dropped Fat Baby at school, went straight there and returned home to drop off Pop twenty minutes before I was due back at the preschool. It's going to be all about me on Friday.

The wedding we attended was lovely. It was an outdoor event (very bold move this time of year, especially seeing how tornadoes ripped through the ATL just one week prior) and the weather was perfect. I was totally comfortable in a sleeveless dress with no hose. (I've been tanning for a month and a half).

I did mention that I found the perfect Southern Fried Family outfits for the day. What I don't remember telling you is that I purchased a "back-up" outfit, so I would have two to choose from. The main problem I had was that the dress I loved (and ultimately wore) was sleeveless. I wasn't sure I'd be able to find a little coordinating cardigan to wear if necessary. The back-up dress came with a matching cardigan, so I bought it to cover my bases, but later found one to go with Dress #1. I kept the back-up, because:
1)it's cute
2)it fits nicely
3)it was on sale
4)and I like to buy stuff

I didn't even take the back-up with me, because I loved Dress #1 so much. I was working Dress #1 which looked even better without the cardigan. (Hooray beautiful weather!) Just before the ceremony, as my perfectly coordinated prep-a-licious family looked on...in walked a cute and very SKINNY, younger girl in....THE BACK-UP!!!!!! I looked at My Baby's Daddy who was cracking up. I know he was thinking, "OH, Thank. You. Jesus!!!!" Because, as I told him, we would have looked like a freaking Nutri-System ad....and I would be the BEFORE picture!!!!!! Not good.

We were both very thankful for Dress #1, the un-needed cardigan, and my cute accessories at that moment. It would've been a long ride home for My Baby's Daddy if I'd been wearing the same dress as Kate Moss over there.

In other news....Fat Baby has peed in the potty almost every time I've taken him since last week!!!! HOORAY!!!!! Even with traveling, he is the bomb! It's like a light switch flipped, and now he goes potty. Next week---underwear city, baby!

And one more thing...did Atlanta officially vote itself out of the South? My Baby's Daddy grew up there & even he was amazed at the plethora of bad manners, rudeness, and don't even get me started on the road rage!!!

Easter Cookies

2008-03-20T09:06:00.004-05:00

I mentioned in my last post that I was going to make Easter cookies with my boys this week. We did it last night, and it was fun and easy. They turned out great, and it was a new way to talk about the Easter story. Fat Baby was a little young to understand, but The President was old enough to read the passages aloud & understand the whole concept. My boys love to help in the kitchen.

Here's the recipe. It recommends doing this the night before Easter, but we're going to be out of town.

Easter Forgotten Cookies

These cookies are called "Forgotten Cookies" because you leave them in the oven overnight...forgotten. You can use chocolate chips in addition to nuts. The cookies are yummy.

You need:
1 cup whole pecans
1 tsp. vinegar
3 egg whites
pinch salt
1 cup sugar
zipper baggie
wooden spoon
tape
Bible
Preheat oven to 300

Place pecans in zipper baggie and let children beat them with the wooden spoon to break into small pieces. Explain that after Jesus was arrested He was beaten by the Roman soldiers. Read John 19:1-3.

Let each child smell the vinegar. Put 1 tsp. vinegar into mixing bowl. Explain that when Jesus was thirsty on the cross, He was given vinegar to drink. Read John 19:28-30.

Add egg whites to vinegar. Eggs represent life. Explain that Jesus gave His life to give us life. Read John 10:10-11.

Sprinkle a little salt into each child's hand. Let them taste it and brush the rest into the bowl. Explain that this represents the salty tears shed by Jesus' followers, and the bitterness of our own sin. Read Luke 23:27.

So far the ingredients are not very appetizing. Add 1 cup sugar. Explain that the sweetest part of the story is that Jesus died because He loves us. He wants us to know and belong to Him. Read Ps. 34:8 and John 3:16.

Beat with a mixer on high speed for 12 to 15 minutes until stiff peaks are formed. Explain that the color white represents the purity in God's eyes of those whose sins have been cleansed by Jesus. Read Isa.1:18 and John 3:1-3.

Fold in broken nuts. Drop by teaspoons onto wax paper-covered cookie sheet. Explain that each mound represents the rocky tomb where Jesus' body was laid. Read Matt. 27:57-60.

Put the cookie sheet in the oven, close the door and turn the oven OFF. Give each child a piece of tape and seal the oven door. Explain that Jesus' tomb was sealed. Read Matt. 27:65-66.

GO TO BED! Explain that they may feel sad to leave the cookies in the oven overnight. Jesus' followers were in despair when the tomb was sealed. Read John 16:20 and 22.

On Easter morning, open the oven and give everyone a cookie. Notice the cracked surface and take a bite. The cookies are hollow! On the first Easter Jesus' followers were amazed to find the tomb open and empty. Read Matt. 28:1-9.

I did add the chocolate chips, and explained to the kids that Jesus always gives us more than we ask for, so we're going to add in something extra yummy & sweet.

Give me a break...really.

2008-03-18T20:27:00.002-05:00

We're on Spring Break. Hooray! I do so enjoy a break...of course, if Christmas break is any indication it's not much of a break for me. I don't like to travel during Spring Break, because I don't want to waste a trip on iffy weather. I will however, plan non-stop days o' fun. Here's how our week is shaping up:

Friday a.m.: take everybody to school and frantically clean house and make sure all the linens are clean for sleepover guests (before I go to work)

2:40 p.m., Friday: Spring Break offically begins when school is out.

Around 3:45 p.m.: My mom, step-father, sister, nephew and niece arrive for a visit. Since I worked (outside the home!) on Friday, I opted for us to go out to dinner instead of cooking.

Saturday a.m.: make delicious and healthy fruit salad for breakfast, color 5 dozen hard-boiled eggs with kids for egg hunt later in the day, stuff plastic "prize eggs," organize treats and prizes

Noon-ish: prepare for a late lunch (hamburgers & hotdogs on the grill), hide and hunt eggs, and again...and again....lots of fun memories & photo ops, finally have lunch about 3:00

6:00 p.m.: family leaves...na na na na hey hey hey goodbye!

6:01 p.m. until bedtime: frantically try to restore some semblance of order to house

Monday: leave kids home (thanks, Pop!) so I can work a few hours. Pop gets combat pay for taking them to McD's on Spring Break.

This morning, 11:00 a.m.: leave the house for mandatory shopping, as we have Easter on Sunday and a wedding to attend Saturday...I put off the two hardest to fit (Fat Baby and moi) until the very. last. minute.

12:30 p.m.: My Baby's Daddy meets us for lunch, and takes a little extra time to entertain the troops while I try some things on.

1:45 p.m.: Time to say good-bye to daddy, and I've purchased an outfit & a back-up. Feeling pretty good.

About 2:15 p.m.: Cut the brothers some slack & take time-out for a carousel ride. (Thanks, Mommy!)

2:30 p.m.: Hit the children's section of my favorite department store for Fat Baby's spring wardrobe. Score some cute (on sale!) and fabulously preppy things that help me forget that I'm in mourning that The Era of The Jon-Jon is over. I loved the jon jon...dress it up, dress it down, wear it for play, for church, barefoot, with shoes, and with a monogram...forget it! It just doesn't get better than that! That boy could work a jon jon like nobody's business! Why don't they make jon jons in size 6 for a three-and-a-half year old?!?! Ummm, okay, never mind.

3:30 p.m.: Leaving the mall. Fat Baby's eyes are closed before we even leave the parking lot. Less than 5 minutes later, he begins to cry/moan with no tears and his eyes still closed. I thought he was uncomfortable & couldn't get to sleep.

3:40 p.m.: Fat Baby tosses his cookies. A lot.

3:42 p.m.: Pull into a Texaco station to attempt cleanup effort.

3:50 p.m.: Leave Texaco with pukey clothes tied up in shopping bag. Fat Baby asleep by 3:51.

6:00 p.m.: My family gets BLTs for dinner, with Oscar Meyer ready-to-cook bacon that I make My Baby's Daddy heat in the microwave. They better be glad they even got to eat.

Tomorrow's plan may include seeing the doctor, and definitely includes seeing a matinee of Horton Hears a Who! I'm not going to let a little throwing up stop me...oh, and three diarrhea diapers (about 5:15, 7:00, and 15 minutes ago).

Tomorrow night I plan to make Easter forgotten cookies. I'll post the recipe next time, because if you're even still reading this now you deserve a medal. Anyway, the cookies are cool and teach children the Easter story as they bake them.

Friday, we're taking a little side road trip to the Georgia Aquarium. Then a distant family wedding (also in GA) on Saturday. Come home late Saturday, Easter Bunny shows up, up Sunday for church...did I mention it's my week to teach Sunday school?!? and then Easter. Oh, and I guess we'll need a special family Easter lunch celebration...

When does school start back?

Tragedy

2008-03-08T16:34:00.005-06:00

Finally, a long overdue maintenance day. I managed to weasel out of the house shortly after My Baby's Daddy headed out to Cracker Barrel with both boys (God bless him!) for their traditional Saturday morning Man Breakfast. Floating on the promise of a day of freedom, I headed to the gym. Because even though my nature is best suited to a day of luxury and pampering, my ass needs me to get on the treadmill twice a day until swimsuit season. And truly, once I get in the groove I do enjoy working out. I also enjoy buying smaller clothes. So there.

After the gym (and requisite bottled water consumption), my next stop was Sonic for a heavenly 44 ounce diet coke with fresh squeezed lime. It's a good day to be me.

Until.

I signed in at the pedicure place & started looking around for Misty. A cute and sweet little Asian Monet, Misty has been responsible for such masterpieces as the snowmen on my big toes for Christmas, and the blingy rhinestone daisies I sported at the beach last year. But honestly, I was kind of over the whole artistic factor & was going to have my French pedi converted into some good old traditional OPI in a fabulous shade of red. Sure, anyone can do a plain old pedicure, but I would totally ask that girl to marry me for her massage techniques.

Me: Is Misty not here today? (unheard of on Saturday a.m.)

Cute little Asian guy who always remembers my name: Misty is gone.

Me: Well, when will she be back?

Cute Asian guy: She's gone...she had to move to Atlanta with her husband's job.

Me: (On the floor, crying) Noooooooooo! She can't leave me!!!!

Cute Asian guy: We'll take care of you, I promise.

Me: Sniff.

Though the leg and foot massage wasn't Misty-caliber, I have to confess, my nails are indeed fabulous. I hope it stays warm so I can wear flip flops. I loooooove flip-flops. And being barefoot. And summer. I'm ready for spring.

After the pedicure, I hit the tanning bed which was also blissful. Came home, took a bath, and am already lounging in my pjs.

AND Fat Baby & I are flying solo tonight...so if I can sedate him, it will be blogs, books, and early bedtime!

I told y'all he was the president...

2008-03-03T21:20:00.002-06:00

So, on Wednesday, The President has to do a report and presentation about a famous American. He chose the president (duh). He also has to come to school dressed as the aforementioned famous American. When I brought home his navy blazer and striped power tie, I thought he was going to hyperventilate. (It just occurred to me that I'm raising Alex P. Keaton). He has been campaigning (pun intended) for a "tuxedo" for two years. I could not make myself buy an honest-to-God suit (cheesy)for a seven year old, but he is going to rock the house with a blue oxford, khakis, and bucks (apparently they're making a comeback)along with the tie and blazer. I can totally coordinate the ensemble de frat boy. Looks just like his dad back in the day. It was so freaking cute, I could not look directly at him.

I told him that we should dress Fat Baby in black and sunglasses with a walkie-talkie to be the Secret Service. (Also a good idea for Halloween...)

Later, The Pres told me that he didn't understand...everyone knows about the Secret Service, why not just call it The Service?!? Smart ass.

In a non-presidential moment, we were having a conversation about the weather....(80 degrees today, 40 by the middle of the week) and the possibility of storms. I asked The President if he'd ever heard that March is "in like a lion, out like a lamb." He hadn't. I asked him to think about it & tell me what he thought that meant.

"Is it when you have a fart & then let it out softly?"

Hail to the Chief!

For the Love of Chocolate

2008-02-14T08:44:00.002-06:00

Last night I was getting the boys ready for bath time, and it just so happened that Fat Baby's diaper was completely dry. And since my wish for him to just go ahead & potty train himself hasn't come true yet, I decided to take the opportunity for an easy shot....so to speak. I put him on the potty & poured a little warm bath water on the target shooter for some encouragement. And guess what? He DID it!!!! Woo hoo!

I wanted to make as big a deal as possible, and to do something quick to have him make the connection that: pee on potty = fun

I jumped up & down and clapped and cheered like crazy. Then I ran to the kitchen & grabbed a Dove milk chocolate heart. I gave it to him while he was still on there to reinforce the association. pee on potty = yummy chocolate

Around the corner I heard the sound of The President mumbling something. I asked what he said & I heard him coughing into his hand...."I need chocolate!"

"Why do you need chocolate? He got that chocolate for peeing on the potty...did you help him tinkle on the potty?"

"I was his agent."

He got the chocolate, of course.

Valentine's Day and the Future MILF

2008-02-13T16:03:00.008-06:00

I really am not a big fan of VD. Basically, it just adds a few more things to my already too long to-do list. Buy the kids a treat, chocolate goodies for My Baby's Daddy & Pop, parties at the kids' schools, a little gift for their teachers, cards & treats for classmates, and the obligatory sex for the husband...and so it goes. Tomorrow night The President has karate and I have Weight Watchers (happy freakin' chocolate whore holiday to me!) so the festivities will be....um, not happening. I I love to buy gifts and chocolates, and do enjoy an occasional round of bow chicka wow wow....but, geez the pressure of it all! And on a school night!

In other news...the year of "I've got to take care of myself or I'll be dead in six months" is still moving right along. Since I started back to Weight Watchers (January 8th), I've lost 11 pounds. I did not, however, get to the gym one single time this week and weigh-in is tomorrow night. I could sneak in an a.m. workout...maybe, but I do have the whole VD party thing to contend with.

I've started getting my tan on...so when the winter clothes start to come off, I won't be shockingly pasty. And until I reach my goal weight, brown fat looks way better than white fat.

I haven't been very consistent about posting about my weight loss efforts since I signed on with Lotta as a "Future MILF." But, I know the support helps me and maybe someone could use a tip that I have learned in this never-ending process. Here are a some of my favorite new discoveries:

Flatout wraps---only 1 point! Great for making rolled sandwiches. I like to get the light whole-grain wraps and fill with hummus, chopped rotisserie chicken (no skin), roasted red peppers, baby spinach and a little feta cheese. It's really good and totally a treat for lunch.

My new favorite favorite things are Fiber One bars. They have 9 grams of fiber (35% of your daily value). These are only two points, delicious, and really big. It's almost like having a candy bar!

Ziploc Steamer Bags are fantastic. They steam vegetables perfectly, and there is absolutely no mess to clean up! They come with some yummy, healthy recipe ideas, too.

Please let me know what works for you...it gets so boring doing the same things all the time.

And even though I'm not a fan of the VDay hype...you know how much I love you!

That's What Friends Are For

2008-01-17T13:10:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking a lot about friendship lately. I found out last week that one of my closest girlfriends is moving 5 hours away. I always knew that it was a possiblity, but I was completely unprepared for the heartbreak of having it come true. I never had thought of the magnitude of what her absence in my daily life would mean. It sucks. Her leaving in a few short months is now the backdrop for every phone call, every lunch date, every time we see each other in carpool line. Did I mention it sucks? Then there's the heartbreak of not just my own friendship, but my children's. The President cried and said, "He can't go...he's my BEST FRIEND!!!!!" I can't really tell him that it doesn't suck...because it does.

I am actually quite experienced in the long-distance friendship thing. I met my best friend in the 9th grade, when she moved to the small town where I had lived all my life. Our houses were a short walk or bike ride apart, and we became inseperable almost immediately. At the end of that year, her family had to move again with her dad's job. To another state. It sucked. We stayed in touch and wrote, called, and visited each other. Over the years (more than 20!) we have actually grown closer, and now talk several times a week, and see each other a couple of times a year. I've been thinking about friendship because next Friday, she is coming here for a visit with no husband and no children (she has four)! My Baby's Daddy will be on the clock so that I can have a break & act like a teenager again. On Friday night, she will get to meet all my local girlfriends as we start our Bunco group back up after a year's hiatus.

All these old friends, leaving friends, wonderful, fun and much-needed friends on my mind, and then I got this:

Janet is someone I would definitely call a friend. Even though many miles separate us, our paths crossed through our blogs. We don't e-mail or talk every day or even once a month. We've never met in person. But she is my friend. She showed caring and support during one of the darkest times of my life. I just knew she was there, and was pulling for me. I've not been posting very regularly lately, but almost every time I can count on a comment from her. (She unfortunately can't say the same of me....) She's my friend, and she gave me this cool award.

Okay, that's enough! I'm the goofy and (sometimes hopefully) funny Southern Friend Mom. I talk about my sassy kids & my neurotic tendencies....this is getting way too mushy for my comfort zone. Go give your friend a hug!

What's New in the New Year?

2008-01-13T19:16:00.000-06:00

My attitude, for one! 2007 was really difficult for me. A lot of stuff happened, and a lot more happened that I did not even begin to address on the blog. Maybe someday, but not now. Bottom line is, sometimes blessings don't come easy. I've been given a lot of responsibilities, and like most women, I completely neglected to take care of myself. I'm sure that it showed by the end of the year.

Knowing I had to do something, I've started the new year off making myself a priority. I started back to Weight Watchers (lost 4.5 pounds last week!), going to the gym at least three times a week, and taking a little time off every now and then. I've been able to ask for help (which is completely out of character) and accept help when it's been offered (even more out of character). If I'm falling apart, I'm no good to anyone else. When I get totally hawt, I'm sure I won't be able to resist posting a picture. I lost 60 pounds after Fat Baby was born on WW, so I'm pretty confident in my ability to follow the program.

The new year finds us on a pretty tight schedule. I don't mind too much, because I really function better with maximum structure. Fat Baby is in preschool three days a week (hooray for preschool!). The President is taking karate two nights a week, and I have Weight Watchers one of those nights. I am working in the grant office one day a week (and occasionally more as needed). My dad & I are going to the gym together a couple of times each week, as well. My Baby's Daddy has his regular, full-time sales job and a evening/ week-end real estate job that is his passion. And we all sit down to a healthy, homecooked meal together every night except Thursday. (I am totally not kidding about that--it is very important to me...and Pop helps with the cooking sometimes).

I'll leave you (breaking my last-year rule of no kid pictures) with this image of our last day of Christmas vacation. It goes without saying that Fat Baby was ready for some structure, too!

A little bit nice and a lot of naughty

2007-12-13T13:31:00.000-06:00

First of all, if anybody is still checking in on this blog....Bless your heart! I have no excuse for not posting, except that the datebook is full right now (fa la la la la....) and since I neither gave birth to nor get paid for the blog, it's on the "we'll catch up in the New Year" list. Along with my laundry. And my husband's semi-annual conjugal visit.

That being said, I couldn't resist sharing some great holiday moments of the Southern Fried House of Fun, 2007 edition.

The first one is not funny, but was a very moving experience for me this year. Our group of friends has a casual holiday gathering every year. We usually feast on Christmas goodies, have a few cocktails, and do a "dirty Santa" gift exchange. A fun, low-key, kid-free evening. Well, this year, the hostess & I happened to attend an event at our church and were looking over the "angel tree" where needy families' information was posted. We were surprised and sad to see a family we knew, and the mom had been in a Preschool Mom's group with us a couple of years ago. The list simply said, "We can't afford to buy Christmas for our children this year." We just looked at each other, and back at the list...Then, we took it down & quickly went home to e-mail everyone with the change of plans. Instead of dirty Santa gifts no one needs, we would take the money to bring gifts for the family. We filled a dining room table, and wrapped all the gifts beautifully. It was fantastic, and will be our new tradition. Things like that put me in the spirit of Christmas more than anything else.

The President is looking forward to the holiday, and as you might imagine, has a very specific list for The Man in Red. He's very easy to buy for, and has not faltered from his original gift requests. As I've said before, he's very observant. I downloaded the song "Santa Baby" as my ringtone for my cellphone. As I was packing his lunch the other day, I was singing "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus." Well, he put 2 + 2 together, and said, "Ohhhhhh, so that's what the song Santa Baby is all about!" It's sex ed, the holiday edition! And he's only seven. Yippee.

We had a chance to meet Santa on a field trip the other day. Each of the children was given an opportunity to climb up and present their list of demands. My son (he's not called The President for nothing!) leads off with, "First, I've got two questions:

#1) Am I on the nice list?
He was.

#2) Do you have a budget?
Yes. He really asked Santa Claus that...and St. Nick said, "This kid's gonna be a politician!" Everybody cracked up.

And, not to be left out of the festivities, Pop has been teaching Fat Baby to spread the holiday cheer. Ask my three year old, "What does Santa say?"

"HO HO HO....bullshit, bullshit, bullshit!"

Happy Thanksgiving, Fat Baby Style

2007-11-21T18:57:00.000-06:00

Went to the pre-school Thanksgiving lunch and program on Monday. The kids looked completely adorable in their fabulous and precious turkey costumes. Mine especially. I mean, he is just freaking cute as pumpkin pie. That being said....

I have some great pictures of Fat Baby's class singing their little hearts out in their turkey costumes. And I have some pictures of Fat Baby lying on the floor of the fellowship hall flat on his back while they are doing so. He did. not. participate. That was expected--it's just who he is. I know that some day I'll be able to laugh about it (maybe when he has a kid just like him)--that's why I made myself take the pictures. Because I surely wasn't feeling it right then. I really wasn't feeling any of it by the time the lunch was over. I'll spare you the gory details...suffice it to say I went straight to Books-a-Million and bought "Your Strong Willed Child," and had read more than half of it before bedtime.

A bright spot to the whole day of fiasco was that the children's own turkey recipes (as told to their teacher) were posted on the bulletin board. You simply must try this one at your own Thanksgiving feast:

MY TURKEY RECIPE
by: Fat Baby

Ingredients:
*Mommy's Angry
*Fat Baby and President
*a bananas
*a red apple
*a rocket toy

Directions:
Cook in it's room, a mess, mix in the food, mix in a toy, a rock, Mommy, Dad, Pop lock the door.

Oven Temperature:
very hot

Breakin' the Law

2007-11-15T08:11:00.000-06:00

My oldest child is a sponge. He has an amazing ability to retain things he hears & use them in the appropriate context, even if he doesn't completely understand the meaning. And, yeah, he watches a lot of TV. I never know what's coming next.

Like this morning...

Every day when we pull into the drive of his school, he unfastens his seat belt and leans over my seat to give me kisses. I told him even though I'd be back in a few hours for his Thanksgiving celebration, I still wanted my kisses. We hadn't quite pulled all the way into the parking lot when the smooch-fest began. Then, The President noticed the policeman who directs the school traffic every morning. And he said...

"It's the MAN, man!"

Edited to add: When I checked him out after his Thanksgiving lunch, we were in line behind a soldier in his camouflage uniform. Leaving his mom teary-eyed, speechless, and oh-so very proud, my son walked up to him and said, "Thank you for serving our country."

Checking It Twice

2007-11-12T08:24:00.000-06:00

Today is the first chance I've had to get my butt in gear for holiday planning. You all know that I love the planning almost as much (if not more) than the event itself. I am lost without a list, and finally the 2007 Christmas season has started in the Southern Fried household. Wow, I feel better with multiple lists made, and a game plan working. I was totally inspired by this post. I bow down to Clemson Girl's organization and planning, and look forward to her example to help reign in my chaos. I said I like planning and organization....I didn't say I was as good as I'd like to be.

As soon as I can get the boys a haircut, the holiday card is the first order of business. By the way, thanks for all the input...I did get a pre-lit, artificial tree. I am also doing a smaller tree with boy stuff for the boys' room as a surprise.

Oh....AND I totally got the boys' closet done for winter yesterday! (Yes, it's still that warm here!) All the outgrown clothes, gone. Things for next summer, boxed. This year's fall clothes neatly folded and put away! Hooray!

This is how my mind works...

2007-11-07T19:34:00.000-06:00

I am so tired of that trick-or-treat post, I can't even tell you. I wish I had time to post every day. This time last year, I was doing NaBloPoMo (national blog posting month). Great fun, got a lot of new traffic, can't commit this time. Too bad for me. I seriously wish I could clone myself, as I really don't have time to be sitting here right now.

Because I know all 6 of you who read this blog are on the edge of your seats...here's the news around here:

*We've all been in bed by 8:30 every night this week. Thank you, Jesus for the time change!

*I can't believe that Sabrina was voted off Dancing With The Stars. She was seriously the best dancer.

*Recently overheard, The President to Fat Baby: "I've got three words for you, Fat Baby---SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE!!!! Actually, that's two words and a compound word." I'm so glad he's learning something in school this year.

*For the first time in my life, I will be cooking Thanksgiving dinner at my own house this year. I feel like such a grown-up, I'm totally excited! My Martha-genes are working overtime. The only other time we've not traveled to visit relatives for Thanksgiving was the first year we were married. We lived about 4 hours away, and My Baby's Daddy (who was just known as My Hubby then) worked as the director of dining services on a college campus. Their football team was in the playoffs, and consequently he had to be there to supervise their holiday meal. I spent the day alone in a town I hated, and when he got home (late) we had turkey subs from Subway. That's love, people. We did have a family thing later in the week-end, so you don't have to feel too sorry for me. I felt plenty sorry for myself! Anyway, I am going to rock the house with my first ever Turkey Day meal!

*I've kind of started a little borderline holiday shopping. No lists yet, though.

*I have two ideas for our Christmas card picture. Coming soon.

*I'm considering a pre-lit artifical tree. Where's the best place to go? We usually have a live Frasier fir, but I've heard there's a tree shortage, and since they're going to be $$$$, I might as well invest in something permanent and convenient. I'm willing to entertain arguments for and against. Offer up your opinions!

Boo, Y'all!

2007-10-30T19:47:00.000-05:00

I am up to my eyeballs getting ready for various classroom festivities. There is a room-mother who I think has potential, but I'm pretty sure I can take her...

Happy Trick or Treats, everybody! If you need me, I'll be plundering through the boys' bags for the good stuff! I'm so going to need a big drink when tomorrow is over!

Chillin'

2007-10-24T11:47:00.000-05:00

Finally! I sit here in the heart of dixie with socks on my piggies. There is the potential for a little gas log action this evening. Wahoo! I love fall. I do love that I live in a climate where I can wear jeans, a t-shirt, and flip-flops pretty much until Christmas. (That reminds me of something cute. Fat Baby has a new little boy in his preschool class named Christian & he calls him Christmas. I love it.) Anyway, the mercury has finally dropped a little. I love to let the house stay slightly chilly & then just spot heat with the fireplace. So cozy! I can't wait to get everybody in pjs tonight, so I can be lazy. Anyway, the office is the coldest room in the house, so I had to break out the socks. Being a good Southen girl, I love to be barefoot whenever possible. To minimize the inprisonment of my feet, I guess I'll wear Crocks today. (Wow, this is an exciting post....yawn.)

So, what's new around here? Wheezing, hacking, coughing....that's pretty much it.

Pop is having a birthday this week-end. His sister & I have planned some birthday festivities. I am baking the famed Italian Cream Cake & making a Paula Deen dip. (Spinach, bacon, 5 kinds of cheese, hot and bubbly---yes, please!) We are going to stay overnight at my aunt's house. All the kids are bringing their costumes, and we'll do trick-or-treaty stuff. Bobbing for apples, face painting, pinata, etc.

Since I am the family activities director, I am supposed to bring games for the adults. I am bringing my bunco set (standard at all family parties), and maybe a card game like Phase 10 or Uno. Any suggestions?

I thought of doing pumpkin carving, then each family could take their pumpkin home for Halloween.

I know it's going to be fun laughing, eating, and hanging out. I am really looking forward to it.

While I'm thinking of costumes and Paula Deen...I had the great idea to spray my hair gray, sport and apron, and dress as Paula for Halloween. (It would so work, believe me!) "HEY,Y'ALL!" Anyway, I ran the idea by The President, because I would be wearing it to an event at his school this past week-end. He said, "No, mama....I want you to be a supermodel or a princess!" (He's not brainwashed or anything). How could I disappoint my sweet boy? I had to put on the glam. So instead of going the Lane Bryant supermodel route, I wore a long, straight black skirt and black sleeveless shell with blingy jewelry, a white boa (chosen by The Pres), a tiara, and a ribbon sash that had "Mom of the Year" in gold glitter. It was fab-u-lous! I teased up my pageant hair & everything. I was totally into it. In fact, I'm still wearing it. Just kidding. (Counting the days 'til Wednesday, though...)

Twelve Things I Love About My Baby's Daddy

2007-10-16T14:16:00.000-05:00

To celebrate my recent wedding anniversary, here's a little tidbit for each year we've ~~survived without killing each other~~ been joined in wedded bliss.

1. He washes dishes and childen, sometimes both in the same evening. Bow chicka wow wow! He will even do either and/or both without the bow chicka...

2. He undestands female politics. He pays attention--knows when to ask if I'm screening before answering the phone, doesn't tell everything he knows, and has learned to just listen to me bitch about someone or something instead of telling me to take the high road, because...

3. He has a much better heart than me. He really does try to see the best in all people and situations. He's an optimist. I'm more of a...realist.

4. He's a social butterfly. My Baby's Daddy is totally outgoing & never meets a stranger. I do have to remind him when we attend social events that I didn't just come along to be the nanny while he enjoys cocktail hour.

5. Women love him. He's affectionate & nice. He also loves to know the latest scoop, so he'll participate in a little harmless small-town gossip. This comes in handy with #2.

6. He can fix stuff. Sometimes.

7. He is great with the kids. He has always been "hands-on" & helped me with feeding, diapers, and entertaining the troops. The boys are crazy about him, and he expects them be respectful to me at all times--that's a big deal to him, and I appreciate it.

8. He totally gets my sense of humor, and he has this fantastic laugh when he gets really cracked up. I call it his "silent laugh." Kind of silent & wheezy until the big chuckle busts out at the end.

9. He is intelligent--I can't imagine spending my life with someone without being able to have great conversations. It doesn't matter if it's something big (like current events, politics, or life decisions) or small (how do you like my new pedicure? guess who I saw today?)--we are very compatible & on the same wavelength.

10. He makes me feel safe. I know that I can count on him, no matter what. There was a time when I felt he was the only one in the world that I could depend on--and that feeling of security is a bond that would be hard to break.

11. He calls me a bajillion times a day. Yes, it drives me insane sometimes, but he really does just like to talk to me. That's pretty good after 12 years.

12. Date night...whether it's Appointment TV or a real dinner-and-a-movie date, or the somewhat annual trip-without-kids, we always have fun spending time together.

Stay tuned tomorrow for "Twelve (or more!) Things That Piss Me Off About My Baby's Daddy!" Just kidding.

These Are a Few of my Favorite Things....Product Endorcements by Southern Fried Mom

2007-10-12T15:43:00.000-05:00

Being that I'm such a trendsetter & all, I thought I'd share what's hot for fall in my Southern Fried World. The following have earned the Southern Fried Mom stamp of fabulousity...(Could somebody who's computer-literate please make me some kind of badge for my endorcements of all things fabulous? Thank you.)

*We finally got a little nip of chill & the air, and since we were taking the Southern Fried Kids to the state fair, I had to go on the annual dreaded blue-jean quest. I'm pretty sure I have some jeans from last year that I can squeeze my ass into, but I was in no condition to plunder through the wasteland of my closet to locate them. (That true confessions is yours at no extra cost). Since I lost a bunch of weight after I had Fat Baby & have kept some of it off---I can tell you this. There is a huge difference in having no choice in where you shop and having many choices. At my skinniest, I swore I would never darken the door of Lane Bryant again. However....I keep hearing people talking about this new line of jeans there. And even though I will NEVAH post a full-body photo, take my word for it that I am very hip-heavy and oddly proportioned. Even in high school when I was (once) a size 8, I still hated shopping for jeans. Just to get it over with, I ran into Lane Bryant on my quick jean-finding mission. Ten minutes later, I was back in the car with THE PERFECT JEANS!!!! I kid you not! No more gaping waist, flattering fit, and (since I wore them all day yesterday, I can tell you this) they are the most comfortable jeans I have ever owned! They have researched & created categories based on body types. (Each type is color-coded, I am a blue). The sales associate measured my waist, and had me in the perfect pants immediately. Oh, and one of my favorite features---they size with single digit small numbers. (When would I ever be a size 4?) Check them out at
Lane Bryant Right Fit Jeans

And they're cute and trendy, too!

*If you've been reading long, you know about my love affair with diet coke. Particularly the 44 oz. Diet Coke with lime from Sonic. I really do average about two of them a day. I know, it's an addiction. Yesterday, I stopped by with only a few minutes to spare to grab a cold one on my way to pick up Fat Baby from preschool. Afterwards, I would enjoy my beverage as we waited in carpool line for the President (for about an hour). I opted for the speedier service of the drive-thru, since I was just ordering a drink. Apparently the family in line ahead of me didn't get the memo, because they were just taking their sweet time ordering, and talking on their cell phone, and fighting with their kids, and making their damn grocery list while sitting at the speaker. Finally, at 2:00 (when I was supposed to be at the preschool collecting my child) I whipped into a drive-in spot and jabbed the call button. The manager quickly took my order, and delivered it promptly. How my mood changed when I saw the look of recognition in his eyes, and he said, "Oh, it's you!" I told him I would be back at 3:15 with the President for his Friday afternoon Blue Coconut Cream-Slush...and I'd be ready for a refill. I explained that I was his best customer & whenever he sees the silver bullet (my Honda Odyssey)pull in, go ahead & start squeezing the limes! He said it was great to get to know his best customer! Score! I finally have a personal connection with my Sonic fix. This could come in handy. Now, if they just had Malibu rum in stock...

*I've also renewed my love affair with Spanx. The cute, retro packaging and the fact that Oprah has done shows about them makes them trendy and mainstream--somehow it keeps me from feeling like I'm just another fatass squeezing my stuff into a girtle.

*Finally, while you'd never guess by my youthful spirit, my non-quite-twenty-something-anymore body has begun to fall apart. Consequently, I have to recommend my home remedy for plantar fasciitis. First, promise Your Baby's Daddy sexual favors that you may or may not (okay...mostly not) deliver. Then take three ibuprofen and stretch out on the sofa and have him massage your heel with Aspercreme. Sadly, this is the highlight of my evenings lately.

*Of course, I can't list my favorite things without Southern Living at Home! On my first order, I spent my entire commission plus a hundred bucks...I totally love this stuff!

I'm older & I have better insurance...

2007-10-06T20:03:00.000-05:00

It's a super great lazy day around the Southern Fried House today. Everyone except me & the Fat Baby are off enjoying some SEC football. We spent a few happy hours purusing a new Books a Million--heaven on earth--followed by Target. A double dose of wandering bliss. ~~I bought a bunch of crap I didn't need.~~ I bought many lovely, useful and wonderful things that will bring me great joy. Including three books, Monster Mash Mojito Mix (add rum & freeze--makes 20 cocktails), a new planner (because I'm an OCD, type A, planning fanatic--and it makes me happy happy), and some fabulous hooks for the boys' room to hang their backpacks on. Finally. (Have been looking for those for months).

When the window of opportunity for fun-time-with-a-preschooler was closing, and we were leaving the Tar-jay, I began to back out of my parking space just as I always do. Car in reverse, foot on break, creep back, and check rearview and side mirrors. I almost always have my kids in the car, and their safety is #1 priority with me. Driving the big ole Honda Oddysey doesn't inspire reckless abandon--ummm, kay? Anyway, as I was doing my preliminary ease back I heard somebody honk their horn. At moi?!?! No one could have been more careful than I at that moment. (I do admit that I am by no means the best driver around, but I do. not. take unnecessary chances with my kids). I look around to see the source of the rudeness. Three skinny little heifers who barely look old enough to drive. She was probably sitting on phone book to see over the wheel. I caught the whole "mean girls" look, and the whole, "look how cool I am--I can honk at some mom in a minivan."

Pissed me off. I thought about flipping her off, but what kind of example would that be to Fat Baby. (And besides I was afraid he'd do it at church tomorrow if he saw me do it). So, pulled out & passed them, I looked the driver straight in the eye and smiled (fake, bouncy cheerleader smile) and waved my ass off. They probably thought I knew their mom. Whatever. They all looked very perplexed, but I'm sure they will think about the attitude next time. Nah, probably not. I'm going to do my "I Don't Have a Girl" Dance now.

Campaigning

2007-10-02T07:32:00.000-05:00

...and even though today is The President's very first Student Council meeting, I'm not campaigning for him. You may remember my love of Dancing With The Stars from last season. I fell a little bit in love with Joey Fatone (okay, I still am...) I have often commented that I am into the whole charisma thing. (You know Taylor Hicks was my American Idol guy---although, I don't see as much charisma these days as I'd like...) My Baby's Daddy is a social butterfly, and he totally cracks me up. That's the kind of guy I usually root for on these reality shows---the fun ones that you'd want to have a few drinks with.

This year's hit pick may suprise you. I am all about Mark Cuban on DWTS....he seems so fun and cool. He also seems to be really having a good time. He's a hard worker (and he just had his hip replaced a couple of months ago). He deserves to stay around and entertain us--and he is really mastering the dances. Even though he has more money than God, he seems very down to earth and family oriented.

So...even if you don't watch, please go here and register---and vote for Mark!!! You can check out his blog here---okay, I just did that so his site would have mine as a "blog that links here." I'm so cheesy!

Martha Stewart wishes she were me...or how to completely overcommit yourself

2007-09-30T16:05:00.001-05:00

So, Friday was My Baby's Daddy's birthday! In honor of the occasion, I baked him this cake.

It is a yummy, completely from scratch Italian Cream Cake. The first time I ever tried it. It was absolutely fab-u-lous. I look forward to enjoying a huge wedge of it while I watch the season premiere of Desperate Housewives tonight. (The show has gone downhill since season one, yet I still need to know what happens--go figure).

I also cooked a delicious birthday meal for hubby (okay, for the rest of us, too because you know I love to cook & I love good food). I made a marinade for grilled pork chops with hot pepper jelly, white wine & fresh basil (recipe from Southern Living-first time to try it). They were pretty good. Our grill ran out of gas halfway through, so we had to finish up inside.

To go with the chops, I made a cheese grit casserole (also from Southern Living-also my first time to make it) which was the bomb! This is also the first time you can Google cheese grits and actually hear me talking about cheese grits. The recipe had 10 oz. of fresh grated sharp cheddar and 4 oz. of fresh grated Gouda. YUMMMY! Definitely a do-over.

We had yeast dinner rolls (from the frozen section--what do you think I am superwoman?!?!) and a Strawberry and Hearts of Palm salad with a homemade dressing that rocks the house. I've made it tons of times, and it is always great. (You can find the recipe on Food Network's website--it's a Paula Deen recipe).

AND....Pop and I (okay, mostly Pop) recovered the dining room chairs on Friday. Our table and chairs belonged to my husband's grandfather, and I don't know if the chairs have ever been recovered. I replaced the traditional, threadbare fabric (on the right) with some fun, retro fabric that I had to have. It's so me.

And in a final display of domestic splendor, I made two "Oh Boy Cheesecakes" for a church bake-off today, and won first place in my division.

Last night, I made My Baby's Daddy take me out to dinner!

White House Bound...

2007-09-26T15:51:00.000-05:00

Since he could talk, my son has dreamed of being The President of the United States. Hey, if you're going to dream--dream big, right? The kid is a natural born politician! His adult mannerisms and vocabulary never cease to amaze me, but...

At the end of the school year last year, we decided to retain him to repeat the first grade. Being one of the youngest and smallest in his class, combined with an inhereted short attention span (thanks, My Baby's Daddy!) made the first time around extremely challenging for The Pres. Not to mention we had a major family trauma-drama at the beginning of the second semester, and everything went to hell-in-a-handbasket.

The fabulous last-year's teacher and I decided that we would do everything we could to make the retention a positive experience for The President. We wanted him to be excited about now being the oldest one in the class, and being able to do things easily that were a struggle last year. We decided to capitalize on his love of politics and get him involved with Student Council when the new school year began.

Well, the school added an extra grade to the facility this year, and the administration decided to have only second graders govern through Student Council. Last year's teacher, this year's teacher, and yours truly were all stressed out when the word came down a couple of weeks ago. The President had to do Student Council. He was born to govern! He would have been eligible to participate, had we not decided to retain him and give him a better academic foundation! This can't be happening!

Last night at the PTO meeting, the Assistant Principal (Student Council sponsor) told this year's teacher, The President, and myself that The Pres was welcome to invite administrative staff (principal, asst. principal, and counselor) to a debate.

He was all over it! They did NOT know who they were dealing with! My baby went in there & knocked their socks off! He told them that the Student Council should focus on doing good things for other people (specifically citing examples like Hurricane Katrina) and that it was their job to represent the school and community. (And he was NOT coached, either!)

Needless to say he is the newest member of the Student Council at his school. It is a very proud day for The Pres and his mama!

Crap

2007-09-25T19:25:00.000-05:00

This morning, I found myself feeling creative & with a few minutes to spare. So I made a little note with scrapbook paper & stickers to go in The President's lunchbox. It said, "YOU ROCK! Have a great day. I love you, Mom"
(I occasionally surprise him with a little note. One day last year, he sent the note back & had written "Thanck you" on the back) I pretty much forgot about it until I picked him up this afternoon & some little punkass kid says, "The President hated that note you sent today."

Well, my sweet and sensitive first born just absolutely lost it. He began sobbing and saying, "No I didn't Mom...I LOVED it! I really did, Mom. It was a great note & I loved it."

I didn't have time to talk to the teacher (until later this evening at our PTO meeting), but she did reprimand the child & remind him that "we've already discussed this at snack time."

I was heartbroken for my son, and hopeful that my well-intentioned note hadn't caused him to be ridiculed. Mostly though, I was pissed. Kids are so mean. I told The Pres that if he still wanted me to send surprise notes I would. And maybe there might just be an extra surprise...like cash or chocolate, so he could taunt the kid & say, "Yeah, I really hate it that my mom sent me this special note!!!

I have PMS, too. I am ready to put on my pjs and enjoy Dancing With the Stars.

Oh, and Fat Baby put his hands down the back of his pants and finger-painted with poop today.

Shameless Plug, Potty Training Woes, and Google

2007-09-21T11:22:00.000-05:00

In keeping with the theme of Extreme Home Makeover, Southern Fried Family edition, I have decided that I need to re-decorate my existing home, and plan the decorating of my upcoming new home. Because I basically want 90% of the stuff in the catalog, I decided to do this. I became a consultant to re-coup the money I spent on the starter kit, and to earn some more fabulous stuff for my own home. If you want to have a virtual home show...let me know! I'll be more than happy to get you the info.
You, too can become an honorary Southerner--the merchandise can be shipped anywhere, so even my Yankee friends can participate! Check it out, and place an order! Seriously. You know it's calling you.

Secondly, this so-called potty training business...I shamelessly admit that The President was trained by the daycare & I backed it up at home. Easy-peasy. He was also the over-acheiving, compliant first born. So, here I am with #2 (who is my "challenging" child) sitting day in & day out in the bathroom every time he says, "I'm pooping!" (This means any number of things: "Hey, I pooped--now clean it up!" or "I need to poop, and have a skid mark, but when you sit me on the throne, I'll squeeze my cheeks back together and force it back up" or maybe, "I'm about to mess with your head, mom! You are my puppet!") He seems to have no concept of tee-tee. He doesn't tell you he's done it (even when he's half naked & does it on the floor in the kitchen; in fact, I don't think know he does it. I have spent more time camping out in the potty than I ever did with the Pres & he still doesn't seem to know or care what it's all about. Whatever. I never met a grown-up who wasn't potty trained.

I've been meaning to post some of the "interesting" Google searches that led people to this blog:

tonsil cheese pictures--ewwwwwwww! That's just dis-gust-ing! Yuck.

get my swell on at the gym--and you ended up here?!?!

Hannah Montana boobies--shout out to my 11 year old readers!

naked Southern moms--uh, yeah....hate to disappoint you. Just for fun, I'd almost do it. I guarantee the perv would be careful what wished for next time!

Ch-ch-ch-changes...

2007-09-18T14:07:00.000-05:00

The Southern Fried House of Fun is always a work in progress, and now even more so. My Baby's Daddy has officially decided to open a new chapter, and to leave the world of Management (after seventeen years with the same company!). I think that this new opportunity in the world of sales will be a perfect fit for him, and that he will be oh, so much happier. After much negotiation, prayer, and consideration (on my part--he was ready to sign on the dotted line before immediately) we have decided to take a leap of faith.

My main goal right now is for us to be in a bigger house within a year. When we bought this house (8 years ago), it was perfect for us--with a little room to grow. Well, we've grown. Two kids and a live-in Dad later, it's time to move it on up to the east side! Even with four bedrooms, we are on top of each other right now...we need some extra space, big time. And a big ol' kitchen, and a nice outdoor area (with pool, please) to entertain... Oh, yeah, Mama's got some big ideas. And believe you me, if he has to take a moonlighting job delivering pizzas while he chases his happiness, Mama will be in that big ol' house within 12 months!

Meanwhile, I've been working on getting our current house "market ready." We've moved out of every house we have lived in since we got married just as soon as I got it "the way I wanted it..." So, organizing, donating, cleaning out, painting, decorating, and throwing crap away are my main priorities. I've been setting big and little goals all along the way. Right now, I'm looking for a new print to go over the mantle, and paint, artwork and accesories for the office. Hopefully I'll get the boys' bathroom painted within a week. (Thanks,Pop!)

Good times.

Oh, and we're having the Sex Talk, phase one with The President tonight. More on that later!

A glimmer of hope...

2007-09-06T11:09:00.000-05:00

So, in spite of the insantiy that is my life, I find that I am able to sit here today feeling pretty darn good. You probably don't realize it, but this is HUGE! Just the other day, I was giving the boys a bath & we were laughing and splashing...when it hit me. I actually felt like my old self! I felt the way I did when I had it all together--before post-partum depression & anxiety, before my dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, before the bottom fell out & my whole life as I knew it was turned upside down. I felt like the old, carefree, joyful me...not the impostor who's been living in my body & trying to hold it all together for the last 3 years. And I've been having more of those moments lately. I've realized that when Fat Baby is running around wreaking havoc, plundering through the pantry, tossing toys all around the house--he's looking for something to do. And if I just take the time to stop (like I would have with my firstborn)and color, read a story, or play with blocks--we will both enjoy it, and I can stand to be in the same house with him once more. I still have struggles...but I have hope.

Over the Labor Day holiday, we went to visit my BFF in another state. We've known each other since we were 13. It's so nice to spend time with someone who doesn't just know your family history--she's lived it with you. She's met your dumbass ex-brother-in-law, dated your psychotic cousin, and knows all about how your sister drives you insane. You don't have to provide the back-story, just jump right in where you left off. We probably talk on the phone 2 or 3 times a week, and try to see each other once a year, at least. She has four cute and well-mannered kids, and even with six kids and four adults under one roof--it was fantastic! Very relaxing and fun times. Not once did I suffer that heart-pounding, jaw-clenched need for "down time."

Let's place bets on my next meltdown--how about a week from Thursday?

Oh, Boys!

2007-08-29T15:58:00.000-05:00

Overheard yesterday afternoon while cooking dinner:

The President (in a voice just above a stage whisper): "Fat Baby, say Oh, CRAP!"

Fat Baby: "Oh, CRAP!"

Pres: "Say, CRAP!"

Fat Baby: "CRAP!"

President (slightly softer voice): "Fat Baby, say SHIT!"

Fat Baby: "SHIT!"

Pres: "Say, SHIT!"

Fat Baby: "SHIT!!!!"

It makes me so happy when they can entertain themselves.

And another peek into our Southern Fried World....

When I went to pick up Fat Baby at preschool this afternoon, the teacher told me that he didn't want to take a nap (& since he's so. freaking. loud)--she asked him if he would like to go play in another classroom while his classmates slept. When I picked him up she said, "Ms. Teacher-in-the-other-class says she wants to meet Fat Baby's mom!" Yep, that's me. I'm the girl who produced this loud, buck-wild, funny as hell, into-every-darn-thing, naughty-but-in-a-I'm-so-damn-cute-you-don't-want-to-hurt-me kind of way...Yes, I am responsible for that. Funny how he's the hit of the party everywhere we go, yet no one will take me up on my offers to let them have him for a day, week, or month at a time...hmmmm, what's up with that?

A blog about nothing

2007-08-27T11:36:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting here procrastinating, because I don't feel the heat of my grant-writing deadline just yet. I should totally be taking this opportunity to work. I've got the house to myself. Both kids are in school. Pop took my van to get new tires & pick up some grocery items. I've got the desk & computer area set up like I like it. And yet, I'm just wasting these rare moments of silence and uninterrupted work time. I'll be cranking out this grant with two kids underfoot, dinner cooking, Pop folding laundry (which makes me feel guilty, like I should be helping), My Baby's Daddy reading over my shoulder humming , "Bow Chicka Wow Wow." It would be so much easier to get ahead, but I almost think I function better in the midst of chaos. That makes no sense at all. I'll chalk it up to my creative, free-spirited side. Whatever.

In other news, I am finally sitting in my new office. (Again, another good reason I should be working). We had an office with a desk and the whole nine yards...then we had Fat Baby. The office became the nursery, where he lived happily for nearly three years. Then, about the time The President decided he wanted to re-do his room and get bunk beds, Fat Baby started climbing out of the crib every. freaking. night. We were in the process of renovating The Pres's room, so for a while we ended up with both kids in our bed. every. freaking. night.

We got the bunk beds, put them in a room together, and I got my office back. I'm still "decorating" it, but it's oh, so much better than the cramped little corner of my bedroom where the computer was stashed. I feel like I can spread out, and I can also leave something I'm working on & come back later to find it still there. It rocks.

This could be the most boring post I've ever written....somebody, send me a meme or something! And let me know when and how you procrastinate! I'm going to work now, I promise!

Keepin' It Real

2007-08-22T20:17:00.001-05:00

I rushed out to a meeting last night. It was the end of a long, frazzled, blazing hot day. I don't think I even took the time to brush my teeth & reapply lipstick after dinner, because I was running late. After the meeting, I spoke to a very sweet (and cute, and skinny) acquaintance of mine who also serves on the board. She was dressed in her "grown-up" career clothes & I had on a casual but cute sleveless top & denim bermuda shorts. Okay, everyone does tell me that the particular blouse is the best color evah for me...but, still. Long, crazy, freakin' hawt day. Sweet friend looks adorable & fresh as a daisy (as usual). After the meeting, she rushes up to me and says, "Oh, my GOSH...you look fabulous!!! I need to be doing whatever you've been doing! You look great!"

The only difference I can see is a few extra pounds, a leftover tan, and the flat-ironed hair. I tell you, I'm on to something with this straight hair thing. Oh yeah, and the stress. This has been the most traumatic, difficult, stressful, and life-changing year I've ever faced. I can literally feel myself aging.

But, this really cute and perky girl is standing here telling me how great I look. And you know what? I started to feel great. My long-ish, straight-ish hair felt all bouncy. I remembered I was in my A-game shirt. Yeah, I do look kind of great....I couldn't wait to get home & stand in front of the mirror to examine myself for signs of cuteness.

Of course, I was greeted with bath time on a School Night. Cute Girl suddenly turns back into Sweaty, Wilting Cess Pool of Motherhood. Oh yeah, and Fat Baby crapped in the tub. After I clean it out, get him back in and bathed, he begins to poke around my arm flab. He investivates the fat-dimples and asks, "Boo-boos?"

Thanks for bringing things back into perspective, Fat Baby.

Addictive Personality? And some cute stuff from the Southern Fried Brothers

2007-08-19T17:44:00.001-05:00

Some people just have that gene for addictive personality disorder. My substance of choice is food. Love it. Love everything about it, cooking it, smelling it, thinking about it, tasting it, reading cookbooks, watching food network. But, as I've well-documented...I lost about 100 pounds of lardass after Fat Baby was born, so I can't indulge my addiction as much as I'd like. I want to stay as healthy as I can, so I've decided to pick up some new vices. Thought I'd share....because it's my blog, and I can.

With the start of a new school year, I decided to go all out in the organizing department (my type-A-ness has been well documented, here). I didn't post about the total extreme makeover of the boys' living space, because I was too damn busy cleaning out, painting, constructing, ordering, purchasing, and working my ass off to talk about it. I moved them into a room together (The President wanted bunk beds, so we gave him a roommate!) and am re-claiming Fat Baby's room as the office it once was. I thought our chances of keeping everyone in his own bed might increase, if they had each other for company. Plus, I really needed a work space.

In my attempt to get on the organizational bandwagon, I finally purchased one of those fancy-schmancy labelmakers. Totally addicted. Anything that would usually get a name slapped on it with Sharpie is now neatly marked with a clear adhesive label. Anything that can't be labeled gets monogrammed, and vice-versa. Yeah, I have a real thing with the monogramming. (I seriously have the monogrammer on speed-dial in my cell phone). Is the whole monogramming thing limited to the South? If so, I am totally in the right place.

As if the monogramming and labeling frenzy weren't enough, I was cleaning out my pantry yesterday when I discovered that I apparently have some sort of vinegar obsession. Seriously. I had like 8 different kinds of vinegar in the pantry. And I use them! I guess that kind of goes along with my cooking/eating addiction...

Since I've been growing my hair out, I can't seem to step out of the house without purchasing some kind of hair product. Clips, barrettes, pony tail holders, headbands, flat irons....just trying to keep things interesting. I also seem to be stockpiling body wash and pajamas lately. Maybe I'm getting ready to hibernate for winter.

And of course, there's the internet, blogging, and reality tv. Yeah, I think it's safe to say that I'm a likely candidate for several multi-step programs.

In other news, here's some funny stuff my kids said today.

From The President, "Oooooooooh, yuck!!! Mama, my breath smells like Fat Baby!"

"You mean your breath smells like his breath?"

"No, I mean my breath smells funky, like the smell of him!"

My poor baby grabbed my excruciatingly hot flat iron the other day. There's nothing like learning a lesson the hard way, after you've been told a bajillion times. (Around here, we call that The Law of Natural Consequences). This morning, he noticed it on the counter and we had this conversation:

(Imagine a gravelly tough-guy baby voice, just like you'd think a 48-pound-just-turned-three-year-old would have).

"That's hawt, mama."

"Yes, it is...you burned your fingers on it the other day."

"Yeah, that's hawt. That alligator is hawt."

I love their imagination! Who would've thought that the flat iron looked like an alligator?

The kid who nearly got his little "pingers" burned off by the sonofabitch, that's who!

Words of Wisdom from my boys

2007-08-18T12:43:00.001-05:00

Life around the Southern Fried House of Fun has been a never-ending roller coaster ride of chaos. School started on August 9th. That Saturday, we celebrated Fat Baby's third birthday (which was actually the 12th) with a pool party. On the 13th, I turned 36. Yeah, I'm on the dark side of my thirties. Yippee. And, oh yeah, we're potty training. It sucks. I'll tell you straight up, the 5-day-a-week-daycare trained the President, and I just reinforced it at home. And so I am spending a L O T of time in the toilet begging, pleading, cajoling, bribing, threatening, and getting nowhere fast. I'm not too worried about it, honestly. It will happen before he goes to college, but for the sake of the preschool staff, I'm making an effort.

In traditional, grown-man-in-a-7-year-old-body-fashion, the President has been throwing me some zingers this morning. For example:

He was talking about some of the 'tween shows on Disney Channel with his dad & he said that if Hannah Montana's bodyguard (female) became the manager of the Naked Brothers Band, then she would be the "womanager."

He was getting dressed this morning to go to the store with my husband & came out with socks & tennis shoes. To save time I suggested that he just put on Crocs or flip-flops. I was told, "Mom. Crocks and flip-flops are 'so last year!' "

Finally, as we were all gathered in the bathroom, waiting for Fat Baby to produce a little squirt, The Pres tells his little brother, "It's all about transportation. When you've gotta go, just take yourself to the bathroom & put your stuff in the toilet."

And not to leave out the budding philosopher known as Fat Baby. The other day, I was pulling out all the potty training tricks I could think of. So I put a few Froot Loops in the bowl for him to shoot. I forgot that he had eaten that kind of cereal for breakfast until he said in his booming baby voice, "I EAT THAT!" Bad idea, Mom.

Snapshots of Back-to-School

2007-08-09T15:24:00.000-05:00

Today was our first day back. I hate transitional days. I think I'll do this post in bullet form, because I seem to be typing in bulllet statements. Here goes:

The President is (by our choice) repeating the first grade this year. He has several strikes against him, in that he is

#1) male

#2) hereditarily pre-disposed to ADD (remember My Baby's Daddy has adult ADD)

and #3) he has a late birthday

Last year's school performance did not at all reflect the brightness, intellect, and high scores that you would expect from The Pres. Teachers & the (fabulous!) school guidance counselor assured me that it could very well be nothing more than that late birthday. He was 6-9 months younger than most of his class. We decided to try it again, and if attention-span issues arise (again), we will address them. He is very cool with trying it again. He's a fan of being the oldest one in class, and most likely the best reader.

Yesterday, The President & I made homemade cookies that I sent to the teacher this morning in the cutest little pink striped bakery-box. It's never too early to kiss a little ass. (And I really do appreciate teachers who are underpaid for the phenomenal work they do.)

It rained for like 3 weeks of our summer vacation (not complaining, we need the rain down here). Today it is hotter than three hells. Why couldn't it be 159 degrees and sunny when all we had to do was splash in the pool?

When I left to pick up The Pres, Fat Baby decided to climb in the big boy booster instead of his carseat. It's a short drive, and he definitely exceeds the minimum weight requirement to do the booster. When we got to the school, he unbuckled and began to roam around the van. He made his way to my lap, and pretended to drive. When I had to pull forward about 15 feet, I felt like the Britney Spears of our school, with baby on my lap. (No, I am not shaving my head...though I am about half bat-shit crazy).

Got the big boy in the car, great first day, and soon heading for home. Our elementary school changed the pick-up procedure slightly, so I'm sitting in one of four lanes of traffic, with hundreds of cars in front and hundreds of cars behind. This total. freaking. dumb. ass. in front of me starts to do a three point turn, like he's just going to weave around & jet on out of there! I was so pissed off! Even if it's his first time at our school, he had to know that we couldn't all just cut & run when we felt like it....I can't stand it when people think the rules don't apply to them! The President was afraid I would take my unstable, hormonal self out there & embarass him. I almost did.

Fat Baby starts ~~military~~ pre-school on Monday. After he flooded the bathroom yesterday, dumped a whole colander full of freshly-washed grapes all over the kitchen floor to watch them roll, and was generally a pain in the butt...I have to say it was quite easy to commit to three days a week for him. I hope to the GoodLordUp Above that they teach him how to follow directions, and how to transition from one activity to the next, because I sure as hell haven't been able to.

Have I mentioned that it's hot as Hades around here?!? I flat-ironed my hair twice today! (A sister's gotta stay cute, ya know?)

I'll be glad when we get into our new routine!

By any other name...

2007-08-04T22:02:00.000-05:00

We returned home tonight from a fabulous dinner out. I was totally stuffed, and my new bra (which made the girls oh-so-perky) was cutting me in half. I started shedding clothes on my way to my room to remove the offending garment, and snuggle into my cozy pjs. Let me remind you that:

#1) we have a very liberal nudity policy around the House of Southern Fried Fun
#2) being genteel Southerners and all, we are big fans of the euphemism...(body parts, bodily functions, sex and sex-related acts, diseases, scandal and scandalous behavior, and the like)

The boys refer to their package as their "goober." The accompaniments are known by various names, including nuts, the boys, balls, etc.

Since there is only one non-boy in the house, my stuff is known as "not a goober" and "boobies."

I will (and have) teach them age-appropriate, accurate information as the situation dictates. The President knows that his goober's "real name" is a penis. He seems to prefer goober & I'm fine with that. The President remembers me breastfeeding, and is aware that my boobies have a purpose & his don't. He will tell you that boys' boobies are just for decoration. He sometimes calls his tiny little nippley-area, "my decorations."

But it was his little brother who followed me into the bedroom. When I took off my bra, Fat Baby smiled & said, "A Goober!"

I said, "No, those are Mommy's boobies."

Staring in fascination, he said again, "Goober!"

"No, those are my boobies." (I'm wondering how on earth this kid has made the connection that all things private are grouped together in a set...)

Finally, he said, "And a Goober!" I looked down, and realized...the ceiling fan was on, air conditioner full-force, and my boobie had sprouted a goober, indeed.

Show Me The Money!

2007-08-03T22:48:00.000-05:00

My son, The President is a budding capitalist. He loves him some cold, hard cash. I admire that. Today we had one of those impromptu "teaching moments" as I was preparing to go to the bank to make a deposit. He often takes inventory of his piggy bank, which weighed in around 100 bucks this morning. I explained that if he saved and invested, he would have enough money to buy his own car when the time came; and later he would be able to buy his own home. "Now doesn't that sound better than blowing your money on candy and crappy little toys that will break and be thrown away?"

Twelve years of being married to Dave Ramsey's biggest fan have made their mark on Southern Fried Mom. My Baby's Daddy was loving it, as I explained the merits of saving and investing. ("Do as I say....")

The President was all in the halleleujah chorus, too. He's planning his jet-set life, full of big bucks and a seat on Air Force One. Then he asked, "How much money will I have when I'm 37, mom?"

"Oh, thousands and thousands of dollars..."

"Well, would it be appropriate for me to take a money-bath, then?"

"Absolutely."

Now I know how Donald Trump's mom must've felt.

Scattered, Smothered, and Covered...

2007-08-01T16:38:00.000-05:00

Stuff I've been doing:

Cramming as much fun into the last days of summer as I possibly can...

Coordinating schedules and hauling The President to all his essential summer activities like wrestling camp, swimming lessons, and Bruster's for milkshakes

Having my (extremely high energy) nephew visit for a week

Doctor's visits with Pop

Extreme Makeover: Boys' Bedroom Edition (This is a post unto itself...)

Dreading the start of school

Family time (but not as much as I'd like...)

Trying new recipes...my Creamy Tomato Basil soup is fab-u-lous

Thinking about taking a fall mini-vacation

Flat-ironing my hair for a new look

Hoping to get to the bookstore soon for some new reading material

Watching The Singing Bee with my sweetie, Joey Fatone...we love this show, and you can't stop yourself from singing along!

Also watching Scott Baio is 45 and Single. If you are a child of the 80s...you have to see it just for the reality show/train wreck/Chachi/Charles in Charge mindless entertainment! Again, we're hooked!

Stuff I need to do:

Shop for school supplies
Finish converting the room formerly occupied by Fat Baby into an office
Make myself doctor's appointments (annual gyn, therapy, dentist...)
Get a pedicure
Sign Fat Baby up for a preschool program
Chill out

So, what's new with you?

All you ever wanted to know about me, and then some!

2007-07-20T22:09:00.000-05:00

1. I am 35 years old, and it rocks! I know enough to keep me out of serious trouble, but I'm still young enough to have a good time.

2. I have been a working (outside the home) mom and a working (stay at home) mom. They are both hard for different reasons.

3. Right now I am a stay at home mom who does a little freelance work.

4. I love armchair psychology!

5. I don't leave the house in the summer without my toenails done.

6. I love love love diet coke with lime from the Sonic! (It's even better with a big shot of Malibu rum...)

7. I lost over 100 pounds after I had my second child.

8. It wasn't all baby weight, by far!

9. I did it all without surgery, only through diet and exercise.

10. My baby did weigh over 9 pounds.

11. I had a C-section.

12. Twice.

13. I would do it again.

14. The c-section was not nearly as bad as having my tonsils out at age 28.

15. People tell me I'm funny.

16. Now I can't think of anything funny to say.

17. I have naturally curly hair.

18. It was precious when I was a toddler...now, not so much.

19. I would rather read a book than just about anything else.

20. I love to cook. I once had a 90-ish volunteer at the non-profit agency where I worked say, "You can tell she's a good cook by looking at her!"

21. I thought it was funny.

22. I plan to say whatever I want to when I am an old lady.

23. I used to want to escape my roots because of the grossly inaccurate stereotype that Southerners are stupid.

24. I found out stupid people are everywhere, and being Southern is cool.

25. My dad & I butted heads constantly when I was growing up.

26. I turned out to be a whole lot like him...

27. I met my best friend when we were 13 years old.

28. We only lived in the same town for one year, but we've remained a major part of each other's lives through writing, phone calls, and visits.

29. I love unlimited long distance.

30. I have expensive taste and a cheap husband.

31. I am not an excessive spender, and I pride myself on not being unnecessarily frivolous.

32. My husband & I complement each other very well.

33. We've been happily married for almost 12 years.

34. If I stay on anti-depressants & he stays on ADD medication, we'll probably remain happily married.

35. I put together a family cookbook & surprised everyone with copies for Christmas one year. It was the best gift I ever gave, and their responses were amazing.

36. I'm working on Volume 2 of the cookbook right now.

37. The day I brought Fat Baby home from the hospital, something inside me changed like a light switch flipping; and I haven't been the same since.

38. Post partum depression really should not last three years.

39. I have experienced major life changes in the last three years--becoming full-time, stay home mom, husband changed jobs, my dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease, and recently some devastating family losses...I'm sure these have contributed to my anxiety and depression.

40. Recently, The President told me, "You're not joyful anymore, Mom....when I was three you were joyful all the time." He didn't know how true that was.
41. I guess it's time for me to write my "depression post."

42. I try to keep a positive attitude & keep moving forward. I always say, "it's harder to hit a moving target!"

43. I'd rather be funny than sad.

44. I'm very outgoing and social, but I have to have my "down time."

45. I am very content just to hang out at home with my kids.

46. I also enjoy taking them out to lunch or on an outing by ourselves...sometimes when you introduce more mommies/ more children it is more trouble than it's worth!

47. Right now I'm listening to Hannah Montana sing, "The Best of Both Worlds" on the mp3 player...thank you, Mr. President!

48. I was born on Friday the 13th.

49. At 2:22 a.m.

50. I usually have good luck on Friday the 13th.

51. But I'm not especially superstitious.

52. I am a Christian.

53. I was raised Baptist, but I'm in recovery.

54. I've decided that I'm a much better Methodist than Baptist.

55. My motto is "God knows what I'm thinking, so I might as well say it!"

56. I don't like confrontation.

57. #56 does not apply to My Baby's Daddy....I feel so safe with him that I will confront up one side and down the other--just ask him!

58. But I don't say or do things in anger to purposely hurt him. I believe that once it's out there, it can never be taken back.

59. I also try to treat my children with the respect I want them to show me.

60. With most other people, I tend to just internalize my feelings. I would say I'm passive aggressive.

61. I probably need to be in therapy.

62. When do I have time for therapy?

63. I am very self-aware.

64. This list is getting to serious for me...I'm going to think of some fun stuff now!

65. Once for a costume party in college, my roommate duct taped my boobs together. Gave me fabulous cleavage, but hurt like a sonofabitch coming off.

66. I was glad to be highly intoxicated when the duct tape came off.

67. My roommates were nearly evicted after my 21st birthday party. It was awesome!

68. My Baby's Daddy was out of town for the party, but sent me a dozen roses...and we hadn't even been out on a date yet.

69. The guy I had been going out with got me a card & probably hooked up with another girl after my birthday party.

70. I effortlessly, unintentionally collect (mostly) worthless knowledge...tv theme songs, trivial facts, phone numbers and addresses.

71. Then I walk into a room & forget what I'm supposed to be doing.

72. My Baby's Daddy & I love our "appointment television." Some shows we've been hooked on include: Friends, Grey's Anatomy, 48 Hours Mystery, American Idol, Desperate Housewives (it's gone way downhill since the 1st season), Seinfeld, Big Brother (pregnant with The President during the first season--watched it every night with a big bowl of ice cream perched on my tummy!) and Dateline. The DVR is a member of the family!

73. I have some very particular, neurotic rules about food.

74. I don't like for my food to touch. I especially can't stand the juice from one thing running into another.

75. Combining sweet & salty things (like ice cream with potato chips) is a definite violation of the laws of food. Don't even get me started on the people who dip fries into a Wendy's frosty....ick.

76. Chocolate and mint is also a violation...Mint should be used as a breath freshener, not as a side dish to perfectly good chocolate!

77. I just rubbed my contact out...that reminds me--I just got contacts for the first time ever.

78. I wore glasses for 13 years before getting contacts.

79. I wore braces for two years when I was 13-15. They were the big "railroad track" kind.

80. I had an extremely severe overbite.

81. Now I have a nice grill.

82. I've never had a cavity.

83. I've never tried an illegal drug.

84. I've never been skinny-dipping...but I want to try it.

85. I've tried plenty of other things.

86. When I go to the movies, I must arrive early (before the previews start), sit in the center of the theater 3/4 of the way up, and remain seated for the whole show if at all possible.

87. When watching movies or tv shows at home, I must also see the entire show. I can not start a movie in the middle, and it drives me crazy when My Baby's Daddy does it. If I miss the first few words of dialogue, I will rewind.

88. I think it's perfectly fine to be neurotic, as long as you celebrate your neuroses.

89. I am a typical first-born child, with perfectionist and over-achieving tendencies.

90. I am a total planner, and list-making maniac.

91. I hate it when my well-organized, long-standing plan is suddenly thwarted.

92. Having two kids, a husband with severe ADD & a parent with early onset Alzheimer's Disease has taught me to learn to be more flexible.

93. I've also learned that blessings often come the hard way.

94. The lists have enabled me to keep some degree of sanity with four people depending on me. They are all thankful for my organizational tendencies.

95. I'm glad to be the only girl in the household....because I have more than enough hormones to go around.

96. I have one kid headed for the White House & one headed for the Big House.

97. I am headed for the Nut House.

98. Or maybe I'll just stay around here & keep blogging about it.

99. I hope you keep reading...and commenting. I think I should get 100 comments on my 100 things, don'tcha think?

100. I can't believe that I'm finally finished with this list!

(And a bonus, because this is actually my 101st post....)
101. I've been working on this here & there for over a week...well, actually I started a 100 things list when I began the blog, but never did it. So, I pulled up the old list and added about 98 things to it. I am so ready to get back to writing the daily news...thanks for reading!

Happy Birthday, Mr. President

2007-07-12T13:46:00.000-05:00

*For those of you keeping track...this is my 100th post! (Is that all?!? It seems like she never shuts up!) I will follow blogging tradition on my next post with 101 things about me...you won't want to miss.

But today....Today is a very special day. It's the day I fell in love. Seven years ago today, my little boy, The President was born. And I became somebody's mommy. It's so funny to me now that I don't even think about being a mom anymore...it's just totally who I am, down to the very core of my soul. But back then, I did not know jack about being somebody's mom. All I knew was that I was going to hold him, and kiss him, and totally love him to pieces, and do the best job I could. When he was a teeny little bundle of softness, wrapped in layers of dreft-scented yumminess, there wasn't too much I could do to screw him up.

I mean, there was the one time...(the President loves for me to tell this story)...when he was a couple of months old that I got him out of the baby bathtub, took him over to the changing table & slathered Johnson's vapor rub all over his butt instead of Desitin. I ran right back over to the tub & dunked his little hiney in there over & over while he screamed his head off. When I stopped crying, I realized that I would probably someday make far worse mistakes where he's concerned. And I have.

After those first tedious, uncertain months, you start to let your guard down. You become more comfortable with the whole "I'm a mom" thing. Seven years later, I can hardly remember a time when I wasn't somebody's mom. It's gotten easier...and it's gotten harder.

I can barely remember his baby-hood. I mean, it only lasted like one day...The day he started kindergarten, I thought I would never recover. I had nausea and chest pains for weeks leading up to that day. But, I did recover, and I love watching him learn and grow. So, while he is now a much more independent, self-sufficient little guy...he is also facing new challenges. When he is frustrated or unhappy, my heart aches. When I am called upon to make a decision for his future, I am afraid that I won't make the best choice.

The things he does and says never fail to amaze me. I see little pieces of myself in his sassy attitude, or his righteous indignation when things don't happen exactly when and how he thinks they should. I see my dad in his serious scowl, and his quick wit. He is my husband when he is kind and patient and snuggly.

He is the best of all of us...and he is an amazing little person. We've often said he was born a 40 year old man, he has such a grown-up perspective. But to me, he will always be my baby. Happy Birthday, Mr. President! I love you!

Some Things I'm Pondering...

2007-07-09T12:29:00.000-05:00

Does the clutter in this house mate & multiply during the night?

Why do I have to lock my children out of my room to be able to take a shower by myself?

Did My Baby's Daddy really not think there were enough dishes in the dishwasher to run it? There was only room for like 2 or 3 more items. Is that a man thing, or what?

What are we going to have for dinner...oh, that reminds me, I need to feed the kids lunch!

Why has my almost 3-year-old abandoned his lifelong perfect sleep patterns? He went from a 2-3 hour a day nap, and sleeping 8:30 p.m. to 7 a.m. to total chaos!!!! He climbs out of his bed constantly, and cries when we put him down...why?!?!! Being a good sleeper was his redeeming quality! (That, and the unbearable cuteness!)

What have I forgotten to do today? It feels like I've forgotten something...

An open letter...

2007-07-02T14:32:00.000-05:00

To the guy at Arby's looking at me like I'm something on the bottom of your shoe,

First of all, I don't know what crawled up your ass...but I would really appreciate if when you see me & my adorable and fabulous children ordering up some lunch, you would follow the lead of 98% of the free world and smile. I mean, seriously...how could you help it? A loving, energetic, and fun mom out to lunch with her two handsome boys. It's the stuff songs are written about.

....Ohhhhhh, then was it this?

Yeah, so, I've got my kid on a harness. I can't believe it, either. See, the President was your textbook first-born, compliant, good-natured, well-behaved, over-achiever. All the positive, hyphenated words totally apply to him.

Fat Baby is the one who inspires t-shirt slogans like, "If I'd have had the second one first, he'd be an only child!" He is 110% boy. He is loud, and rough, and stubborn. He's afraid of nothing. He can be on top of the refrigerator in 8 seconds flat. Like Houdini, he can disappear in a flash. He is also gorgeous, charming, sweet, funny, snuggly, and smart. Everything comes easily to him. He is a mama's boy. I love every part of him with my whole being.

But, yeah, he's on the harness. Thank the Good Lord Up Above for the harness. I love love love the harness. It's cute. It doubles as a back-pack. He digs it. It gives him the freedom he longs for, and gives me peace of mind, knowing that we are connected and I can't lose him. Hopefully, it'll help keep him from breaking stuff and getting hurt, too.

But you know what, Mr. Have-Some-Lunch-and-Head Back-to-My-8-Hour-a-day-Job? If you were with my kids 24/7 with no lunch break, no sick days, and couldn't remember the last time you even went to the bathroom alone--you might just look for something to help make your job a little easier, too. And, I'm sure you would feel like a damn genius for thinking of it. How dare you look at my babies and me with that condescending scowl. I am raising the future leader of our country, and trying to keep his little brother from a life of crime that would cut short his political aspirations. When Fat Baby is playing for the NFL, we might just hunt you down and kick your ass. So, cut a sister some slack, would'ya?

"Mommy Wocks!"

2007-06-29T08:25:00.000-05:00

How much do I love this?!?! Now somebody besides my brainwashed kids thinks that I totally rock...and I have the blog award to prove it! Thanks to my good buddy the Queen of the Mayhem for bestowing this royal honor. I'll now pass the award on to five more of my girls who rock, who haven't already been nominated. (You know you all rock!)

Let me be the first to nominate Ann at her new blog! We've all missed you, girlfriend!

I can always count on Mamma for a chuckle, and some unique mama-wisdom. She is definitely a rockin' girl blogger.

Anyone who refers to herself as the "binky bitch" has to make the rockin' girl blogger line-up. How could we not add Jennifer (the blogger formerly known as Playgroupie) to the list?

There's a special bond between (and a special place in Heaven for) moms of boys! The Queen of Shake-Shake opens up & shares it all.

Sara at Suburban Oblivion is another totally rockin' girl I'd love to have a drink or 12 with....Southern Blogging Conference anyone?!?!

Y'all know the drill...all the rockin' girls nominate five more, and so on. Then we'll all sit around and talk about how much we all....ya know, rock!

Just like a man...

2007-06-28T14:07:00.000-05:00

One of my friend's twin boys had his tonsils out yesterday. So, while she's at home with Twin 2 recuperating, I took Twin 1 along with us to the pool. We had a great time. He's in-between my two boys, so the three of them played nicely all day. When we got ready to leave, I was buckling him into the car & the latch on his carseat was kind of stuck, so the buckle wouldn't click into place. We tried this way & that for several minutes until he reached this conclusion...."maybe my ding-dong is too big."

Makin' Mama Proud

2007-06-25T22:52:00.000-05:00

This week was Vacation Bible School. I don't know if the tradition is the same everywhere, but here in the South VBS is a big deal. And it has come a long way since I was growing up. Gone are the days of dixie cups of kool-aid and cookies with your bible stories...These days VBS is interactive, and the kids travel to different stations to fully experience the lesson through crafts, drama, music, games, and snacks. Since I had my hands full helping Pop with some necessary medical & paperwork details, a good friend helped a sister out & took my boys to church each night. They both really loved it. I loved the three-plus hours they were out of the house each evening. This is the first year since I've had kids that I haven't been actively involved and volunteering with VBS, but I feel that being there with my dad is a blessing and a calling that I can't afford to miss. So, I sent my little chickens out to get them some religion every night. On Sunday, our entire church service consisted of the kids performing the songs & recapping the bible points learned each night. The music that goes with the curriculum we use for VBS each year is always outstanding. The kids learn simple gestures and dance steps that go along with the lesson each day. We are blessed to have a great, energetic and enthusiastic worship-leader for the music. (She also happens to be a kindergarten teacher & is wonderful with the kids).

Now, a little background....the President is not all about performing. That's just not his thing. He loves to have his picture in the newspaper, or wouldn't even mind being on tv--just not dancing around & singing. In fact, he told me before church that he didn't believe he would participate, thankyouverymuch. To which I pleaded, "C'mon...just let me get a few pictures." After several minutes of debate, I told him I would give him a dollar to sing (and act like a normal six year old for once, for the love of God!) He is such a little capitalist, I know how to motivate him. He said, "Make it two & you've got a deal!" And he's been this way his whole life.

So imagine my utter delight when Fat Baby (not even three years old) is up there on stage, doing the motions & DROPPING IT LIKE IT'S HOT!!!! That kid was breaking it down! It was fantastic! He was center stage & totally stole the show! After a few songs, he started to climb down off the stage & I brought him to sit with me. You could just see the old ladies all over the congregation smiling at his irresistible cuteness. I was beaming as I snuggled him on my lap. Then, in that quiet moment just before the prayer...he looked into my eyes and smiled so sweetly, and pulled open my blouse and squealed, "BOOBIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

So it's come to this....

2007-06-20T16:35:00.000-05:00

Not only did I send My Baby's Daddy a text message (while he was in a meeting out of state), to document this monumental occasion...I am so darn excited that I felt compelled to share Fat Baby's latest accomplishment with the whole internet!

Only a mother could take pictures of POOP and keep an honest-to-God straight face...I was downright giddy! The proud pooper was given Yogos and put a sticker on the calendar to celebrate being a big boy.

Help a sister out

2007-06-04T16:30:00.001-05:00

It's been a while, but I haven't forgotten the random and rule-free tag from Jennifer at Playgroups Are No Place For Children. Before I ask y'all for a favor, it's time for me to finally respond. Here are ten things that make me happy:

1. Summertime! I love having a tan, hanging out by the pool with the boys, living in swimsuits, shorts & baseball caps, sleeping in, long, sunny days, grilling and chilling, vacations, and birthday parties.

2. Spending time with my family. I haven't posted since Memorial Day, but we had a blast camping (in an RV, thankyouverymuch--do I seem like a roughing it/tent camping kind of girl...ummmm, no) kayaking and tubing, grilling out, enjoying s'mores over the campfire, and making memories with Pop, my sister, and her two kiddos.

3. My DVR!!!!! It makes managing my television obsessions easy and efficient. I just started watching "Jon and Kate Plus 8" on Discovery Health. This couple has two six year olds, and SIX TWO YEAR-OLDS!!!! Fascinating. I could post all day about it. The mom is a bey-otch (wouldn't I be too, with five more Fat Babies running around here)...and totally treats her sweet husband like the ninth child. She yells at him in public & corrects him on camera. I can't wait to see more!

4. My faith. Shouldn't this have been #1 on the list? All I can say is God knows how my mind works, so He understands that it's bedtime & I'm just blowing off some steam. He knows that he is first in my heart, if not first on this list. My faith has carried me through a very tough year, and I've had to grow and learn to handle things that I never imagined. I know I will come through stronger on the other side.

5. My boys. They crack me up, they snuggle me, they give the best hugs and kisses, and they are gosh-darn adorable. Being a mom totally rocks! I even taught my parrot, Fat Baby, to say, "Mommy Wocks!" With these two, happy doesn't even begin to cover it.

6. Blogging. This blogging thing just opened up a whole new world to me. I've made some very cool friends from all over, and I've been able to open up and just be me. It's a great outlet, a source of support, and so much fun.

7. My Baby's Daddy. He's my best friend, my biggest fan, and he really understands me. We have the same sense of humor, and that's the tone of our family. We laugh a lot, we don't sweat the small stuff, and we really are happy most of the time.

8. Zoloft. Literally.

9. Getting a pedicure. If My Baby's Daddy is reading this, I'm hoping he'll volunteer to watch the boys Friday evening so I can get one before we leave for the beach. I read somewhere that women really want to have lots of vacation sex if their toenails are freshly done...

10. Reading a good book. I love love love to read--I'm always working on something. Now, this is where you come in. Please comment with your favorite beach book. We're leaving on Saturday, and I want to have lots of good reading material on hand. A trip to the book store is definitely on the agenda for Friday.

In case you're wondering...yes, I do have multiple lists for our trip. Yes, I do have a "staging area" where I'm organizing & packing away, and yes, in keeping with the theme of this meme, it makes me happy happy happy!

The Reviews Are In...

2007-05-23T20:21:00.000-05:00

It's just about summertime, and I am oh, so ready for the livin' to be easy! As the school year comes to an end, so have many of my favorite shows. Since it's my blog, I will use this forum to purge my thoughts about the thrilling conclusions. I'm throwing in a bonus book review, since I just happened to complete it today.

I've already touched on Grey's Anatomy. I must say that I did feel a little better after reading Shonda Rhimes' blog on the subject. I can see how she wanted to "burn down the house," and start fresh next time. We'll see if I still have that frustrated, empty feeling at the end of the first episode of the new season.

Desperate Housewives was filled with twists, surprises, and a shocking possible suicide in the final scene. It did provide a sense of fulfillment and closure while leaving plenty of unanswered questions. I have been pretty dissatisfied with the last couple of DH seasons. I felt it was just too silly at times, and not as well done as Grey's Anatomy. The finale was just what I needed, though. I'll tune in again.

Dancing With The Stars...This one, I will really miss. I've made no secret about my little crush on Joey Fatone. I thought that their jive on the semi-final show was incredible. So much energy and charisma! I'm not surprised, though, that Apolo and Julianne won. It was a close race, and they were all excellent competitors.

I've had lots of tests and doctor's appointments with Pop lately, and that's given me a chance to catch up on my reading while I wait. I just finished Best Friends by Martha Moody. It wasn't difficult to read, but it wasn't one of those where you just can't wait to turn each page. I felt no connection to any of the main characters. In fact, I found them to be pretty annoying. The only interesting/ likeable characters were only present for little snapshots--like cameo appearances. Those whose personalities were fully developed irritated the hell out of me, really. I came away from the book with no strong feelings about it one way or the other. I was glad to have something to do to pass the time during doctor's appointments.

The President is out of school for the summer...and I am so glad! I really love just hanging out with my two boys. My favorite times are when school is out & we have nowhere we have to be, nothing we have to do. We are getting ready to work on our tans, have swimming lessons, and go to the beach. We will spend time with Pop, grill out, and stay up past our usual bedtime (hopefully followed by sleeping late!) You won't hear me say, "I can't wait for school to start back!" I'm just one of the kids & I'm ready to play!

Have a safe & happy Memorial Day week-end. Fun on the horizon...will recap when I return!

Livid!

2007-05-17T21:20:00.000-05:00

Grey's Anatomy Season Finale....WTF?!?!?! I can't even write about it right now. Everything is just screwed up all to hell & back, and will be until fall. I am totally pissed. I am way too invested in this show, and it seems like tonight's finale just basically took everything I was a fan of or hoped for or even remotely was interested in seeing and turned it upside down. Isn't the season finale a time for a little closure & not the time to open a bunch of bigass cans of worms?!?!? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh! Grumpy. Tired. Goodnight!

About Being a Mom

2007-05-12T18:12:00.000-05:00

Just in time for Mother's Day, Mamma tagged me for this meme. It's really not a Mother's Day meme...it's called Chinese Freeze Tag. I have no idea why. The idea is you list ten random things about yourself, and then tag ten others. I don't know ten people who haven't done this yet, so to I randomly tag the ten who haven't. I decided to do a Mother's Day theme, because

#1. It is Mother's Day & I was planning to write about it anyway.

#2. I was tagged by Mamma from Mamma Loves.

#3. I love a theme, and I've written so much beach & booze stuff lately, I thought y'all might like to see another side of me.

Southern Fried Mom's Ten Thoughts on Motherhood:

1. I could never imagine myself as the mother of boys. I grew up with only a sister, and I was never into getting dirty, playing sports, and gross stuff. Now that I have two boys, I would have another in a heartbeat. Boys rock!

2. Two children can share the same DNA, be raised in the same environment with the same parents, and be complete opposites...and yet you love them exactly the same.

3. Plenty of things that I said or thought, "I would never...." do as a parent--I've done. More than once.

4. Even if you don't agree with another mom's parenting style, you can always learn something from her.

5. I've been a working-outside-the-home mom and a stay-home mom, and a working-part-time-from home mom...none of it is easy. It's also totally worth it.

6. The Daddy will never do it "just like Mom." That's job security! (But sometimes it sucks).

7. The hours between 4 p.m. and bedtime are pure and total hell.

8. There is nothing better than: holding a chubby dimpled hand, kissing a fuzzy little head, the quiet moment of snuggling before bed, a spontaneous "I love you", the warmth of their cheeks when they're still pink from sleep, the first time you hear "mama", sharing a soggy cheerio, watching them learn, watching your children play and laugh together, hugs and kisses.

9. There is nothing harder than: worrying about a healthy delivery, the first day of kindergarten, sleepless nights, catching throw-up in your hand, watching them try something and fail, grocery shopping with a two-year old who needs a nap, letting them be independent, knowing that one day some sassy little girl is going to have your son wrapped around her finger.

10. My own mother is smarter than I thought!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!!!!!

Back to reality

2007-05-08T17:06:00.000-05:00

Take Pop to the orthopedic surgeon to schedule impending back surgery--check

Take Fat Baby to the doctor with impending ear infection--check

Glob Abreva all over the two massive fever blisters covering my bottom lip--check

Discover that My Baby's Daddy hired a babysitter to go to the dog track while I was away--check

Realize that since I've lost my voice & I'm totally exhausted, I don't even have the inclination to fight about it--check

Attend Teacher Appreciation Lunch at the President's school--check

Refill Zoloft prescription--check

Welcome home, Mom!!!

Mama's off the clock...

2007-05-03T00:25:00.000-05:00

...or I will be very soon--the Girls' Beach Trip starts in 8 hours and 32 minutes (not that I'm counting down or anything!) Of course, I've been in list-making heaven in preparation for this drunken stupor....um, uh.. I mean, time of bonding with my best girls!

Swimsuits---check!
Pedicure---check! (complete with blingy little rhinestone daisies on my big toes)
Notes for My Baby's Daddy--check!
Pop taken care of---check!
Get cash at the ATM--damn, missed one!
Mimosa ingredients on the counter next to my boys' lunchboxes--check! (the Mimosas are for me, not them)

Hopefully, I'll return at the end of the week-end, relaxed, refreshed, golden tan, and ready to roll again...and with lots of stories to share! This is our 4th annual beach trip---I was hugely pregnant with Fat Baby on the first. My girlfriends hauled my big ass down to the beach on the golf cart & treated me like a queen the entire time. That being said, it's soooooo much more fun to be un-pregnant on the girls' beach trip! Out of all the trips, this will be the first that MBD has kept the boys home with him the entire time & not shipped them up to my mom's...I did leave an emergency babysitter number for him, just in case....in case what?!?! Hell, it's four freakin' days with YOUR. OWN. KIDS! If he went out of town, would I send the boys away or hire a sitter? Ummmmmmm.....no! And I am with them all the darn time. Moms and Dads are just wired so differently. He is a great dad, and they will all be fine. And yes, I did leave two pages of notes. And yes, I did set out pre-approved outfits to last the whole time I am gone...with additional alternate wardrobe changes. As I admit all this, I am reminded of just how much I really need this trip. I feel responsible for so much and so many. I am a control freak. I thrive on a plan and a routine. And sometimes I just need to let it all go for a few days & soak up the sun, read a trashy magazine or a good book, and have some drinks and laughs with my buddies. Sometimes I need to just let my kids wear whatever the hell they want to...and not worry about them being perfectly matched or seasonally appropriate. I need to let My Baby's Daddy figure out what to pack the boys for lunch on his own...and if he gets it "wrong" know that it's only one meal out of their whole life. But that's just not me!

This weekend, I will enjoy the part of me who is carefree & has no imminent responsibilities. I will not think about the extra calories I consume, or about the pile of laundry that will await me at home. This girl won't be worried about schedules, doctor's appointments, or homework.

I will call home, but just because I love them & want to hear their voices. Not because I need to remind them of "one more thing." I will bring home surprises. I will be covered in kisses. I will not want to leave them again....until next year!

RIP

2007-04-25T21:24:00.000-05:00

This post is in loving memory of our family pets, Cindy and Charlie

April 21, 2007-April 25, 2007

We'll miss you, and treasure the four days of fun we shared

After a brief memorial service, the pair will be buried at sea

In lieu of flowers, the Southern Fried Family asks that a donation be made to

Mom's beach trip booze fund

I'm a 'Ho

2007-04-23T20:00:00.000-05:00

That's right...my new business cards say, "Will blow for beach trip money!" Even with a clientele of one, business is booming! My Baby's Daddy is happy, I'm happy--it's a win/ win situation. Let me just tell you something, girls...if you want to enjoy a little guilt-free spending, just invest about 10 minutes of quality time with your man....Then spend the entire afternoon SHOPPING!!! I bought six new outfits today. I'm just saying....

Something's Fishy...

2007-04-21T23:17:00.000-05:00

Everybody put your fins together & give a big welcome to the two newest members of the Southern Fried Family--Charlie and Cindy. We went to the Spring Fling at The President's school today, where he won coupons for two FREE goldfish. Yippee. Oh boy. So, I after a trip to Wal-Mart, where I spent about $40 in fish supplies, we stopped by the pet store to claim our prize. (That's right--even though they gave me the 28 cent goldfish, I didn't buy their over-priced tank and fish food).

The Southern Fried Family doesn't have a great track record with pets...our dog died when I was pregnant with The President. On the day before Thanksgiving. I didn't even know I was pregnant yet. I've got two words for you: hysterical hormones. I cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and cried...you get the picture. Since the boys came along, we have killed four hermit crabs and a turtle. Didn't shed a tear. Well, I did tear up when we had to have a shoebox burial and funeral service for Tuck, the turtle. The President said a little prayer, asking God to watch out for Tuck, and thanking the turtle for being such a great friend. (We had him less than a month).

So, neither The President or I have great expectations for this little endeavor. We know we could have floaters on our hands at a moment's notice. I even told my son that I would get us a sturdier Beta fish for Plan B when these two go on to the big fishbowl in the sky. Even as the pet shop guy was scooping them out, I was telling The Pres how we would flush them when they die. I've got to teach him to be realistic...and realistically, goldfish don't last very long. Around here, even less.

Then on the ride home, he's talking to them...I wish I had a video camera rolling. He's introducing himself, "Hi, guys! I'm your new owner. You're going to live with us, and you will love it. We bought you a nice tank, and I'll feed you every day. I had a turtle and some hermit crabs, but they're dead...but I promise I won't let you die! I'm going to take such good care of you." The idea of having these fish for pets is starting to grow on me...until the novelty wears off & I'm left to clean the tank.

Getting an Education

2007-04-21T07:56:00.000-05:00

This morning, The President & I were the only ones up, so we were enjoying some snuggle time and having quiet conversation. He proceeded to give me a dissertation about the upcoming Spiderman 3 movie. Seriously, you would think the kid had already seen the whole movie 6 times! How did he get all this information from the previews on TV? It's baffling to me how he can know so much about something he's interested in, down to the last detail. Especially since I've been fighting and struggling with him & those darn spelling words all year long. But that's neither here nor there...I was kind of impressed with his vast knowledge (even if it wouldn't get him into an Ivy League school). So I asked, "How do you know all this?!?!

"Mom, I'm a kid. We're wise about superheroes."

Oh, okay.

Going once...

2007-04-19T16:02:00.000-05:00

When I picked up The President after school this afternoon, the first thing he asked was, "Where's Fat Baby?" I knew he would be thrilled to arrive home and find Daddy there early--that almost never happens. It may happen more often, since Daddy scored him a hot nooner during nap time. Anyway, back to his question. I simply said, "It's a surprise." The President didn't miss beat before he asked, "Did we sell him on the Internet?!?!"

The kid's a genius!!! Check out my auction on eBay--buy one, get one free!

You're so vain...

2007-04-16T23:57:00.000-05:00

In my quest for pre-summer cuteness, and with lots of fun in the sun coming soon...I took a bold new step. After wearing glasses for 13 years, I got my first contacts today!!!! My motivation? Cute, inexpensive sunglasses. My first purchase--this blingy little number:

While I'm on the subject of recent acts of vanity.....here's a shot of The President's new 'do with highlights.

Not to be left out, Fat Baby has been working out....here's a nice profile shot.

Triple Threat

2007-04-15T17:52:00.000-05:00

Mamma at Mamma Loves invited me to play along with this Three Things meme. That just makes me all kinds of happy because you know I can't resist the opportunity to publish more fascinating, worthless crap about myself.

Three Things That Scare Me: swimsuit shopping, the supernatural, rats

Three People Who Make Me Laugh: My Baby's Daddy, Will Ferrell, Ron White

Three Things I Love: Snuggling with my boys, Diet Coke with Lime from Sonic with Malibu coconut rum (seriously--shouldn't I have an endorsement deal from the Malibu people by now?!?) and reading a good book

Three Things I Hate: When My Baby's Daddy snores & won't put on his C-Pap, Mornings, being at the mercy of someone else while shopping or running errands...I can't stand to wait around for plundering

Three Things I Don't Understand: Angelina Jolie, why gas prices are so ridiculously high, why I can't be skinny and have a good sense of humor

Three Things on my Desk: Easter candy wrapper---damn you, Reese's peanut butter eggs!; my glasses (please remind me of that when I'm cursing & frantically looking for them later), and
Lipstick Jungle by Candace Bushnell

Three Things I'm Doing Right Now: Drawing super-heroes for The President, wishing I had my pajamas on, waiting for Desperate Housewives to end so I can watch it on DVR & fast-forward through the commercials

Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die: get a tattoo, win the lottery, finish this meme

Three Things I Can Do: cook, plan parties, write grants

Three Things I Can't Do: Drive well at night, be pleasant and calm when I have PMS, fly a plane

Three Things I Think You Should Listen To: your conscience, children laughing, the Grease soundtrack (I dare you not to sing along!)

Three Things I Think You Should Never Listen To: blatant negativism, the sound a fork or knife makes scraping across a plate (makes my teeth hurt just to write it!), the voices in your head

Three Things I'd Like To Learn: to grow my own vegetables, sign language, yoga

Three Favorite Foods: I love good food...can't narrow it down to three individual foods, so I give you my three favorite food genres--Italian, seafood, and chocolate

Three TV Shows I Watched as a Kid: Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers (in that order--now how the hell did I remember that?!?), and the Electric Company

Tag, you're it!!!!: Janet a.k.a. Wondermom, Queen of the Mayhem, Ann

Ma....MEATLOAF!!!!

2007-04-13T19:49:00.000-05:00

So last night, we're enjoying a lovely family dinner. Nice conversation, great food, it's the week-end and living is easy. All of a sudden, Fat Baby decides that he is over it. Now picture a 42+ pound two year old...it would be ridiculous for him to have a squeaky little wussy voice, wouldn't it? But it still totally cracks me up to hear him bellow out. I am often greeted first thing in the morning with a big smile, and a deep "MAAAAAAAAA!!!!" As he was adamantly demanding his "CUUUUUUUP!!!!!" (think caveman caliber one-word sentences) I told My Baby's Daddy that he sounds just like Will Ferrell's character in Wedding Crashers. And believe me, that could so be him. He has that daredevil frat-boy personality to serve as the perfect foil to his brother, a straight-laced politician.

So we're all "ha ha....Ma--the MEATLOAF!!! ha ha...picked her up at a funeral!!!! " and My Baby's Daddy says how Vince Vaughn was awesome in that movie, too.

"I'd do him." I say, meaning every word.

"You'd do him just because he's funny?"

"Why do you think I do you?"

Who's the grown-up here?

2007-04-12T19:37:00.000-05:00

As I have documented very well on this blog, my son, The President was born a 40 year old man. He relates very well to adults, and understands the subtle humor of sarcasm. He wants to be the president, and he is one cool kiddo. The other day he saw his latest wish fulfilled, and we had his hair highlighted. Soooo very stylin', the envy of all the other 6-year-olds. Just like his mama, he has a sassy little attitude, and his recent wardrobe reflects that. He has t-shirts that say things like "Your lips are moving, but all I hear is blah blah blah!" and "I'm the Boss of Me!" When I brought that one home, he emphatically informed me that the other kids were going to be "pissed out" because they'd be so jealous of his new threads.

Yes, my six year old said, "pissed..." and no, I didn't make a big deal out of it. We are who we are, ya know? He is just as likely to sweetly tell you how Jesus lives in his heart. We are open-minded Christians, who don't take life and ourselves too seriously. So, that's kind of my disclaimer. I don't want to offend anyone, but I'll tell you we don't sweat the small stuff around here.

The President will take any opportunity to get a chuckle out of the grown-ups...Like the other night when I said some minor league "bad word" & My Baby's Daddy was giving me a hard time about it.

All sarcastic like, he asks our son, "Why don't you say that to your teacher tomorrow & see if she thinks it's appropriate for you to hear that kind of language?"

Never missing a beat, the Pres says, "Mama acts appropriate at my school, but at home she's like, "Daaaaaaammmn...shut up!" (He mimics me in his best sassy country twang...we all have accents, but around here we are definitely among the least-twangy by far--he did it for comedic effect!)

Fast forward to last night...my boys are in the car with me, and riding shotgun is the worst case of PMS imaginable. I had an utterly frustrating cell phone conversation with My Baby's Daddy which culminated in my behaving like a raving, hormonal lunatic. When I hung up the phone, The President informed me that I had said "three bad words and two almost-bad words...but I'm going to let it slide this time because you didn't use any self-control!"

Stop the press--I've just been given a Presidential pardon!!!

Thinking it Through

2007-04-12T15:59:00.000-05:00

Ever since this happened, I haven't posted anything. Being the classic first-born overachiever, I didn't want to post anything new until I had addressed the task at hand (i.e., creating a new post honoring five--only five?--thinking bloggers worthy of the title. I think it put a little pressure on me, since at least one person out there sees me as a THINKING BLOGGER! Moi?!?! I think about how big my ass is, how many days until my girls' beach trip, how my highlights are holding up, and how much I love love love Joey Fatone on Dancing With the Stars. I think about what's for dinner, what's the next good book (and by "good book" I don't necessarily mean literary-good) I am going to read, and I think about offering My Baby's Daddy sex in exchange for him bathing the kids or doing the dishes.

To me, Thinking Blogger carries with it the connotation of one who is deep, profound, and eloquent. Someone who is passionate about the things they stand for. Who has lived an exciting, adventurous life, and has much wisdom to impart.

But, if Janet says I am a Thinking Blogger, then we must broaden the definition: A Thinking Blogger is someone who is self-aware. Someone who cares deeply about those she loves, and tries to express her passions through humor and truth. A Thinking Blogger is someone who shares a piece of herself every time she hits the "Publish" button. A Thinking Blogger can share frustration and sorrow coupled with joy and tenderness. Sometimes a Thinking Blogger will write about her dad's Alzheimer's Disease, and sometimes she writes about needing a pedicure. She doesn't have to be Socrates, for the Love of God...she's just who she is. Her thoughts matter.
The rules are:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think,
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme,
3. Optional: Proudly display the 'Thinking Blogger Award' with a link to the post that you wrote.

Here are five bloggers who make me think, and make me smile!

The Queen of the Mayhem is a Southern girl like me. She's constantly trying to stifle her inner-hottie and behave appropriately. I would be thrilled for one of my kids to have her as a teacher. She often has to quickly delete some of her racier posts, in attempt to maintain decorum. But that's why I love her so darn much--if my son's teacher had a blog with an ad for the Camel Toe Cup, we would totally be best friends!

Mamma at Mamma Loves...is a fairly new blog for me. She is sassy and funny, and her real mom post is right on the money! I look forward to seeing what she'll say next.

J at Oh, The Joys is someone I classify as a blog-lebrity. She is freaking everywhere, and everybody reads her, and she really leaves comments. (Even to me!) She has a fabulous, sarcastic wit. You can always count on her to say something that is so true in a way that no one else could have possibly thought to say it.

Ann at Yer Doing It Wrong is a new mom. Her pictures of her newborn son first drew me in, and they keep me coming back. It just makes you want to smell that precious little baby head! She's also funny, and smart, and I could so have her over for cocktails!

Lotta at Mom-O-Matic (by the way, Lotta, I had already chosen you as one of my five before someone else beat me to the post! You don't have to do it again, unless you just want to). This was one of my very first blogs. I knew I loved her when I saw the header, "So Dry It's Crispy." I was hooked, and have been checking in just about every day since. She has rallied the Future MILFs on a journey to hottie-ville, but in the meantime, she doesn't mind sharing the woes of plus-size swimsuit shopping. Alas, to find a little something to make my 38Ds seem perky-ish....but I digress...Lotta rocks! Oh, and vote for her, too!

I think...I'm done with this post!

Quick and Dirty

2007-03-31T08:56:00.000-05:00

Ironically, this post by the Queen of the Mayhem was very timely for me this week. It seems that I did such a fabulous job vacuuming, that I never even had the opportunity to "pay the bills." There has been a lot of double-entendre filled recap about our (short-lived) night of unbridled passion around here this week. For example:

My Baby's Daddy (while discussing fixing our laptop's wireless connection problem): "It shouldn't be too hard, it'll just take me a minute."

Me: "Yeah, I remember."

So, for the past few days, he's been begging for a do-over. A rematch. A chance to redeem himself as the Energizer Bunny of Love. And of course, he's constantly telling me how amazing I am, and how much the vacuuming means to him.

This is a true discussion that we had just this morning:

MBD: "So, do you like doing it (vacuuming)?"

Me: "I don't mind it."

MBD: "But do you like it? I want you to like it."

Me: "I really don't mind. I mean, there are things I'd rather be doing, of course, but it's fine."

MBD: (All astonished that there could possibly be anything more fulfilling for me on earth...) "Give me an example of what you'd rather do."

Me: "Read a book."

MBD: "You can't say that!!!! That's like saying I like to take a good shit, and I like to eat a good steak--it's just not the same!"

Me: "We're having steak for dinner."

Fun and Games

2007-03-29T16:15:00.000-05:00

My good friend Janet, who is always hanging out with the coolest kids on the block, is participating in this kind-of-like-a meme, but it's designed just for you. The deal is this...Janet answered five questions, and then she agrees to e-mail five questions to anyone who wants to play along. Which of course, I did. So now, anyone who wants me to send them five questions can keep the ball rolling. C'mon...you know you want to share with the group! Here are five things that Janet wants to know about me:

1. What are you working on a grant for? I do contract grant work for a local non-profit. The majority of funding is to support a 24-hour pediatric nursing facility. I also do freelance grant work, PR, and event planning. E-mail me if you need a grant writer!!! (grantwriting@bellsouth.net)

And you thought I just wiped butts and noses...

2. What do you want your kids to know most about you as a person and not just a mom? I want them to know that I have a great sense of humor, that I love to laugh, I love life, and I love to have fun...life is too short not to! I want them to know that I have always tried to do the right thing, and that I've been able to put my head on the pillow every night knowing that I have not intentionally hurt another person. I want my love of reading and writing to be evidenced in their lives. I want them to see me as a fair and open-minded person. I want them to know that while I wasn't always morally perfect, I was never a hypocrite. I want them to know that while being their mom doesn't define me as an individual, it is the most important part of my life. The day before The President was born, (we knew I was being induced) My Baby's Daddy & I made a videotape of ourselves in the nursery, talking to our unborn child. I try to live by the words he said that day, "You can always ask us anything, and you can always tell us anything."

3. If I dropped you off in the middle of Times Square NYC what would you do? Party like it's 1999....No, seriously--first, I would hope that you would stay with me, because we could have so much fun! I would go someplace fab-u-lous to eat, and then see a show, have some drinks, and see what happens next.

4. If you had to choose one thing to show off about your state/area what would it be?
Besides my kids?!?! Probably the beautiful beaches (about 3 hours from my home).

5. If you had to invite one celebrity over for grits with cheese who would it be and why?
My first instinct is to answer without hesitation--Matthew Freakin' McConaughey!!! He is so deliciously smokin' hot as fire, and ooooooh, that voice-with the warm, slow drawl....yes, please!!!! He has been on my reserve list forevah! Okay, but then I start to think about it....He is so hot and sexy, that I'd be all stressed out and worried about how I look, and what to say. I'm sure he would have that Southern charm of his working, and c'mon now, is there really any danger of Mr. Sexiest Man Alive gettin' busy with Mrs. Married Mom? We'd probably be great friends, have some laughs and drinks on the veranda...but oh, the pressure!!! I would probably be better off with someone like Grey's Anatomy creator Shonda Rimes...someone who is not the object of a long-time school-girl crush, we'd have lots to talk about, and she might even offer me a job as a writer....get me her number, I think I'll just go ahead & call her up right now!

Southern Fried Update

2007-03-27T19:40:00.000-05:00

I really am still here!!! Sorry for the unannounced little blogging hiatus. I really didn't intend to go so long between posts, but I have had a lot on my plate (understatement of the century), and life happens. I'm not going to post about anything specific about my family's situation for a while, but know that my faith is strong, and we are doing very well. Thanks for your prayers, good wishes, and concerns. I am happy to correspond individually through e-mail about the more personal stuff for the time being.

Cool stuff that's going on in my world: I'm working on my tan, and I wish I were working harder on my weight loss. I'm getting there, though. The countdown is on to my annual girls' beach trip. Woohoo! I didn't think we were going to do it this year, but we are & I am so very ready for some mindless sunning, drinking, shopping, and trash-book reading. I even found the cutest baseball cap (brown & pale turquoise) with the Mailbu rum logo! Regular readers (if I have any left) may remember that my signature beverage of choice is a Route 44 Diet Coke with lime from Sonic with a big ol' shot of Malibu---yum-my! Spring Break was last week for The President, and he had a great time. Went to the zoo, a little camping, saw TMNT, and hung out with the family. The weather has been gorgeous (80s) and we took full advantage of it.

Some stuff that sucks: Monday morning, trying to get everyone back in the groove after a week off, I'm pushing the limits of time...go to wake up Fat Baby at the last possible minute...nasty, stinky puke all over his crib, all over him...dis-gust-ing! Change sheets, bathe kid, know that he won't be attending his only weekly day of Mom's Day Out, and my ability to work on my grant-writing will be compromised at best. Along with the fantastic weather here in the Deeeep South comes about 3 inches of thick, yellow pollen. I can not walk to the mailbox with out wheezing, coughing, sneezing, and itchy, watery eyes.

But did I mention that the Girls' Beach Trip is coming?!?! I am also going to book a condo this evening for our family vacation. I am going to be pretty worthless this summer. Anyone care to join me?

Show me the money!

2007-02-18T19:14:00.000-06:00

I've been back & forth to the hospital (a little over an hour away), checking on my Dad for the past three days. Yesterday and today, My Baby's Daddy had the boys at home. For future reference, I thought I should record a statement he made to me last night.

"You do not get paid enough!!!!"

Well, no shit...what do you think I've been telling you?!? Apparently "seeing is believing," especially when it comes to Fat Baby. Everything you've heard about two year olds...he's all that and more! While you're busy doing one thing, he's busy un-doing about three things you've already done. Today he discovered that he could grab a stool & pull it up to the counter in the kitchen, climb onto the counter, and reach the Valentine's candy stashed on top of the fridge. He's quite resourceful. And persistent.

And he's sweet. Today, he counted to five for the first time. He also climbed into my lap this morning, when I was having a meltdown, and patted away my tears with his chubby little hands.

Breaking news, as we speak: My Baby's Daddy just called me to come to the boys' bathroom. When The President got out of the bathtub, he left the water in. In less than 3 minutes, Fat Baby had climbed into the tub in his pajamas! Now we have to get him ready for bed all over again.

I know I should appreciate this crazy time in my life, because it will pass so quickly. I've read that these are the longest days, but the shortest years. It is hard to be a mom, to try to keep all the balls in the air, to do the right thing, to be able to laugh instead of crying, to be a nurse, teacher, chef, chauffeur, events coordinator, maid and personal assistant. I want my children to learn by my example (hopefully more good than bad). At the end of the day, I hope that they know that I did the very best I could, and that being their mom is the greatest blessing I've ever known. Blessings don't always come easy. Being a mom is the hardest job I've ever loved!

A little extra cash would be nice, too.

Meaningless Chatter

2007-02-16T22:03:00.001-06:00

***Disclaimer: If for some reason you haven't watched Grey's Anatomy yet, you might not want to read any further!***

As the title states, this will be a light-hearted post, full of nothing. I will not think about or discuss and major life events/ changes, any worries or stress, any causes of angst. It's fun-zone up in here, people! This ain't the voice of denial speaking, either. I just Freaking. Can't. Take. Any. More. Right. Now. Tomorrow is another day...

On with the show: First of all, I can't believe anybody could hold out on watching GA a full 24 hours! Even in the busiest, craziest, saddest, most stressful of times, I find comfort in knowing my escape awaits on the DVR every Thursday night when the kiddos are in bed.

Last night....WOW! The final scene totally blew me away. Gave me the chills when the adorable Denny showed up & said in his gravelly drawl, "Damn right you are!" Oooh, I'm getting the creeps just thinking about it. I thought the scene was extremely well done.

That being said, I don't want Meredith to die for good. Furthermore, I don't think she will. Who is the title character, again? Ummmhmmm. Anyway, I am looking even more forward to next Thursday than usual.

I can't believe that Izzy (in her unsolicited rant) just told George that she thinks he made a big mistake by marrying Callie. (I so love to say Callie O'Malley!) I love Callie. Straight girl to straight girl, she is H O T as fire. And I love that they have a sexy big girl on the show. Maybe Izzy had a point, but I think she should (as The President likes to say) "zip it and woose (lose)the key!" Go bake some muffins, honey, but keep your opinion to yourself.

Yes, I know these people aren't real, but I am completely emotionally invested. I've watched every single episode since the first one. Why do I relate?

Sexy big girl....parent with Alzheimer's...neurotic friends...snappy conversation...

Sound like anyone you know? Add two kids & a minivan and you've got my life!

Love

2007-02-15T09:14:00.000-06:00

I am a day late with my Valentine's post. I would have preferred to just skip it altogether this year. It is not a good time. Things with my dad are still uncertain. I have neither the inclination nor the energy to go into details...but we still need many prayers. But that is not what this post is about.

This post is for my husband. He who got a bag of chocolates and an overwhelmed and distraught wife for Valentine's Day. He who took half the day off to just be close to me. He who knows when I need him to hold me close, and when to give me space.

I usually do something special for all my boys on holidays...I wasn't feeling it this year. You can fake it with the little guys most of the time. A box of candy makes them feel happy and loved.

My husband deserved so much more than chocolates, a special dinner, a really great gift, and/or sex. He didn't even get a card. I wish I had been able to sit down and express my love for him on paper. He deserves to know how I feel, but this year, the words wouldn't come.

First thing yesterday morning, he surprised me with an adorable gift set from Arbonne with a delicious bath and shower gel, lotion, and massage oil. And my favorite lipstick. There were also candy kisses and an over-sized button with a spinner that had different suggestions, i.e., hug, kiss for 30 seconds, sing a love song, nibble ear, etc. Too bad he didn't see any of that action.

He took care of the boys last night while I enjoyed a long, hot bath. Then, he tried to help me relax with a completely non-sexual massage.

That's what love is. Giving your whole self to the other person, expecting nothing in return. Knowing that whatever turn life takes, the two of you are committed to the vows you took. We have been married for 11 years. We dated for three before that. I love him more now that I did the day were were married. Our love has grown and changed, as have we. When I first knew I loved him, it was because he made me feel safe. I was so right about that. He protects me, and helps me keep my perspective. He makes me laugh. We communicate. We are best friends. I can tell him anything, and I tell him everything. I can tell him like it is, and he still loves me. Even if we disagree, we know that ours is a lasting love. I am thankful for him. I am glad that my sons are learning how to treat the women in their lives by his example. I don't say it or show it nearly enough, but he is my everything. He is what love means to me. I love you, MBD!

That's the Weigh It Goes...

2007-02-12T22:29:00.000-06:00

I lost three more pounds this week! Hooray for me! I am trying to get my life back on track, and hope to be able to exercise more regularly. It will be skinny clothes season before we know it, girls!

I had a really nice & productive day today. I was able to enjoy a lesisurely lunch ALL BY MYSELF! I even read a little. Some quiet mama time is definitely in order in my world. I really do enjoy spending time alone sometimes. As I've mentioned before, I'd rather do my own thing than be at someone else's mercy most of the time. I am a really weird combination of hermit and outgoing social butterfly.

As usual, The President had me laughing today. As we were pulling out of our subdivision on the way to school, he announced that, "This seatbelt is not participating!" Later this evening, he was really not trying to be funny, but I was barely able to hold it together when he found an envelope with some old pictures.

"Mom, is this you & Daddy?"

I started making that nose-laugh sound when I saw a picture of me with some F I N E early 90s hair on the arm of my old boyfriend. "Ummmmmm...no...."

"Is it Dad's brother then?"

"No, it's my old boyfriend before I knew Daddy."

"Oh, back in the day....like the 70s or something?"

"Yeah, something like that."

Freedom

2007-02-12T10:03:00.000-06:00

You don't really appreciate freedom until you don't have it. My dad found that to be true, as he spent 13 days in a locked Alzheimer's facility. He is not determined to take full advantage of the freedom he has. Of course, the disease has robbed us as a family of much freedom. If my dad has complete freedom, do we? We are at the mercy of Alzheimer's at all times. It sucks. He is now home with my step-mother, and I'm sure neither of them feel completely free. She is worried about him, and he is suspicious of her trying to "control" him. You can't completely trust with this disease.

He was fine while staying with me for the past 5 days, but he was determined to reclaim his freedom. Made me a nervous wreck. There are so many variables, there is nothing to do except have faith.

Today, however, I feel free. The President is at school, and Fat Baby at Mom's Day Out. I've already gotten some "grown up" grant work done this morning. The only freedom I don't have at this moment is the ability to leave my home, as I am at the mercy of the Lowe's delivery guy who is bringing my new washing machine. Oh, yes, I forgot to write that little morsel. The night before Pop was to join us at home, my washing machine bit the dust. Today is the earliest time they could get the new one in. Laundry was backed up before, so you can imagine that I will be slave to the mountain of dirty clothes all day tomorrow. Thankfully, I had a friend who helped a sister out with a few loads at her house.

At this moment I have a choice. Right now I am responsible for no one but me. Yea! I can read a book, take a nap, watch tv, or talk on the phone. I don't have to be polite or courteous or patient. I can be happy or sad. Or just be. I can turn up the music or enjoy the silence. But now...the sound of music to my ears--the delivery truck is here! FREE AT LAST!!!!!

Life as I know it...

2007-02-09T22:42:00.000-06:00

I have spent the last three days with a two year old and an Alzheimer's patient...and how was your day?

Pop is home from the hospital after nearly two weeks. And by home, I mean...my home. He needs a place to transition with family who has the time to spend. My step-mother is on overload, and I am a stay-home mom who has been given the blessing of some fragile and precious time with my dad. He is improving each day. The medication changes have made a world of difference. Step-mom & I have a close relationship and are cooperating to make everyone's life as peaceful and productive as possible.

Thanks for your good wishes and prayers. Please continue to remember my family, and to pray for peace and healing. God is good!

I can't tell you how tired I am...it's just hard to let your guard down and relax when going through a trying time, even if it is improving. It's a delicate balance, and I'm just doing the best I can....the good news is, I should weigh about 98 pounds after chasing the aforementioned two year old, and running my butt off all day. It seem there has been little time to break for food. Here's what I ate today: one & a half granola bars, a handful of wheat thins, a shared bag of popcorn & chocolate covered peanuts at the movies with My Baby's Daddy & half a chocolate chip waffle at Waffle House after the show. Yeah, totally unhealthy (this has been the first day of junk food in a loooooong time) but I'm just running on fumes all the way around.

I am falling asleep at the keyboard...more updates & happy news to come!

Weighing in

2007-02-05T16:54:00.000-06:00

I haven't forgotten about the whole Future MILF thing. In fact, when I do eat it is usually quite healthy. For obvious reasons, I haven't had much of an appetite lately. I had a weigh-in today with the statewide program I'm participating in. I lost 2 pounds this week, and 3 last week! Yahoo! Call the papers, I've just discovered the Alzheimer's Diet!!!!

And speaking of....things are still quite shaky with my dad. He is extremely fearful of being robbed of control over his own life...although he did remind me once that God is the only one who has any control over anything. He is sometimes frantic with worry that he will end up in an institution for the rest of his life. We are all still running the gamut of emotions. He is alternately paranoid, frantic, irrational, unreasonable, and irritable, and it's pretty much all rooted in fear and uncertainty. And the emotions are contagious. I find myself on edge most of the time, and hate it when this m-f-ing disease makes me yell at my sweet kids whom I haven't seen all day. Please continue to keep us in your prayers.

*Update: I am keeping a private Alzheimer's journal now, as well. I feel I need to record specific conversations, events, and details so that I have a record of things that are happening so fast and so furiously. There are some things that I just don't feel are appropriate to record publicly. This is such an ugly, horrible disease.

Updates and a little humor....finally

2007-02-04T11:51:00.000-06:00

I spent six hours yesterday with my dad. He is still in the hospital, and probably will be until mid-week at the earliest. They are changing his medication, and watching him very closely. We had a very good visit, and he is improving each day. Yesterday seems to have been his best day so far. He is keeping a journal, and we are working together to preserve a legacy of his experiences before and during Alzheimer's. It was a blessing to have him all to myself for several hours, even under these unfortunate and stressful circumstances. I think the visit was good for both of us. My sister and aunts (my dad's two younger sisters) came later & brought him dinner from Outback Steakhouse, which was just what he wanted. Please continue to remember us in your prayers....it is a long, scary journey with the opportunity for tremendous blessings along the way.

Many of you may have already read that Janet and I finally "met" over the phone. She took the first trusting step by giving me her number when I was not feeling like talking at all. I promised her that I would call when I was ready to giggle...and we did. We didn't even need a translator--amazing! She is a fabulous, caring, funny, cool-as-hell, smart friend who totally "gets" me. Had it not been for this little blogging adventure, I would never have had her and so many others cross my path. I would love to meet her in person some day. If she came South, I would feed her fried green tomatoes & teach her that she could say anything about anybody if she just followed up with, "Bless Their Heart." We have a lot to teach each other.

My mom & step-dad live next door to my sister, who (as I mentioned in previous posts) is going through a divorce. Grammie & Papa help out with her two children quite a bit, since my sister is balancing single-motherhood with full-time nursing school. Somehow as I was talking to my mom last night, the topic of Spongebob Squarepants came up. Both the children love the show, and have watched every episode more than once at Grammie's house. The difference between parents and grandparents is that the grandparents actually sit down and watch television with the kids, and parents use the opportunity to park the kids in front of the television so that they can meet daily household obligations. So, my mom says, "Something's just not right about some of those Spongebob characters....I mean, Squidward looks like two balls and a dick." Okay, I am dying now, because #1 my mom is so conservative, I have never heard her come out with something like that. (But she's heard me....) She goes on to say, "...and there's one of them who looks like a condom being rolled onto a penis when he rolls his eyes." Without missing a beat, in the background, I hear my 68 year old step-father say, "That's Mr. Krabs!" I almost peed my pants!

And a little something from the homefront, because it's been a while: My Baby's Daddy and I were working on a "nooner." We turned on the Disney Channel & told the President that we needed to have a grown-up conversation with no kids, and disappeared into the bedroom. Door locked, we weren't wasting any time...sure enough, in no time flat we hear a knock.

"What do you need, buddy?"

"I just need to put something under Harry!" ("Me too," thought My Baby's Daddy!) The President had left his favorite teddy bear in our room, and wanted to bring in a hand-held tape recorder onto which he had recorded fart sounds. The idea was that we would think Harry was passing gas. I'm just relieved he didn't leave the recorder in before & end up with a little audio porn featuring his parents.